Would you like to translate this into another language?

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Juggling Between Yawns

image: 123rf.com
Man, oh, man! I woke up this morning and had a TON of things to write about. Seriously, had I had the time, I could have gone on and on and on. It's funny how that works. Sometimes, I can go weeks without anything, and then all of a sudden, there are fifteen topics in my brain all at once.

As it turned out this morning, I HAD to go grocery shopping, and all it took was one good spin around the grocery store, and it was all gone. All of it. Not a word of it left. **Sigh**

All I know is that I went to bed so happy last night. Here was my last Facebook status for the day (I'm going to see if this will help resurrect some of those feelings I woke with this morning):

"Well, let's see....Today consisted of one motivational find out and resolve conversation with a high schooler (had one with another one yesterday), one morning spent at the preschool, one part of the afternoon spent at the elementary school, preschool homework help, Kindergarten homework help, 4th grade homework help, 7th grade homework help, and reading to and/or with four children. Is it any wonder my house is a mess and we had Taco Bell for dinner? We also bit the bullet and bought our Disneyland tickets. I think my work here is done....Good night good people of the world."

I've been rockin' it lately as the mom. I only say this because I see the contrast. This is typically the case with anything I write that has to do with parenting and possibly anything else, for that matter. I learn from trial and error. In other words, prior to yesterday, I WAS NOT rockin' it. Believe me.

One enormous reason....I've been tired for YEARS.

I thought it was just the fact that I had seven children. Sure, that'd wear anyone out. I was trying to do my best with what I had, but what it all came down to was the fact that I was WIPED OUT. I thought there might be some day when I'd wake and find myself rested, but as the days went on and on and on, I found this was not the case. I was ALWAYS tired. By 4pm everyday, I could have been happily in bed for the night, but yah, right. We all know that wasn't going to happen no matter how much I wanted it to.

The doctor, who also thought it might just have been the seven children factor (she really has no point of reference here), finally set me up an appointment with a specialist. I went and was set up for a sleep apnea test. Because I sleep on my stomach and don't snore, I just KNEW this wasn't me. It was a waste of time and would come back negative, so why even do it? The appointment was made, but I canceled it.

The sleep test appointment person called me back to reschedule. I put her off. Really, why was I doing this? What was the big deal?

image: entandallergy.com
Finally, a few more months passed, and I went ahead and bit the bullet. I made the appointment and went in. What would it hurt? At least it would cancel the sleep apnea idea out for certain.

Yes, I finally went in and slept in front of complete strangers. Well, kind of. They had me fully monitored and came in and out during the night. At the time of scheduling the first appointment, I was also prescribed sleeping pills. HaHa! Umm...no need, I could have slept anywhere, at any time. I slept just fine with no additional help. I didn't care how many people walked in or out. Heck, the whole darned circus, train and all, could have paraded through, and I wouldn't have cared at that point. Finally, morning came, and I went home. I was positive that the test would end up having been pointless.

Quite awhile later, I received the call that it was POSITIVE, but it was mild. I had woken six times during the night, or at least that's what I thought I was being told. Eh, no biggie. When I looked at the results later, I found that I stopped breathing and woke six times each HOUR during the night. That was a different story!

Is it any wonder I was tired?

image: snoringisntsexy.com
I finally got my sleep apnea appliance three days ago. The first morning I was SHOCKED! I felt rested. Did the appliance really work, or was it all in my mind? I'm still not sure. Day three, and I'm starting to feel human again--at least to some degree.

I'm also learning that because of months of tiredness, there are balls that I used to have in the air that I have let drop. Really, really important balls that used to be HUGE priorities. Many of those balls were things that affected my children and continue to cause them some amount of a disadvantage in their day-to-day lives.

Ah, regret.

image: spirituallythinking.blogspot.com
I'm working hard, at this point in time, not to heap guilt on myself. I mean, after all, what could I have done? I guess I could have gotten myself to a doctor earlier on, but I really had no clue. I kept thinking it would get better, and then I thought it was just the way things were.

image: higginsbrothers.com
So, yesterday I started to find that I am learning to pick up the balls again and learning how to juggle them into my life. I am learning the importance of forgiving myself and allowing myself to change at any given moment. It is better to get up and try to go again than to just give up.

I am grateful to have a new start. I am hopeful that these changes now aren't too late for me and my kids. I'm hoping that we can all get ourselves to the places we're supposed to be--just a little later than we probably should be. Better late than never, right?

No comments:

Like it? Share it....

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...