How Do You Define a Cult?

My daughter came home from school the other day and asked, "Mom, why do people call our church a 'cult?'"

Awesome question. I'd been waiting for this one.

image: flickr.com

First, we tried to define what a cult was very basically. We decided that people are persuaded by charismatic leaders to follow them blindly. People change their entire lives to follow and be part of the group.

I will admit that, yes, my life is changed because of my religion. I don't do things many in this world do. I live a different life than most, with clear boundaries to my conduct.  but I will also assert that I am no blind follower. I know what I believe, and I know the alternative. I love the safety I feel because of what I follow.

We delved further into the question, and I asked her what some areas are that we differ from many of her friends. Here are a couple we came up with in our few minutes together....

• We don't have sex before marriage.
• We don't live with others before marriage.
• We don't do a lot of activities on Sundays--we dedicate the day to the Lord.
• We go to church on Sunday.

We analyzed these things and considered where these "codes of conduct" come from. It was clear pretty quickly that they stem from the ten commandments. Interesting that many in the world find us so "unusual" and "cult"-ish for following the very basis of Christian belief.

image: fisheaters.com

Yes, there are other things that we do or don't do that others freely engage in and think us strange for doing or not, but the very core of the LDS religion is based solidly on following what Moses brought down from Mount Sinai and presented to the children of Israel.

So, was Moses a cult leader? Hmm....if you look at that from our modern lens, he and his followers sure have the qualifications. In my opinion, though, Moses was one of the greatest prophets that ever lived, and I think many in our world still believe this to be true. So, there's one more thing I believe in....prophets, and I believe that by following, we can be safely guided through tough times. They haven't let me down so far.

If you look closely, I believe you can begin to see many, many similarities between Moses' day and beliefs and what we believe.

So, it makes one wonder, why is our society still presenting this idea to my daughter's generation?

Making His Paths Straight

Two days in a row--I've overcome myself and gotten out of bed early. Phew! That was TOUGH! I SO wanted to get back in bed--I have to put my cell phone all the way across the house in order to get myself up and coherent enough to not go back to sleep. I'm finding that in order to motivate myself to get moving, I have to have something pressing to do. That's not always the case. This morning, after running downstairs to the kitchen to get the alarm turned off (yup. Seriously. That's how far I have to go to get myself to do this) I laid there messing with my cell phone until I could talk myself into a reason for getting up.

This morning, in a quiet, dark house, I got the chance to read Alma 7. I love readthescriptures.com. It makes it so easy. I tend to understand better and things sink in deeper when I take notes. This morning, I got stuck on the words that are the title of this post, and my notes bled over here. You'll find there are quite a few things my mind got stuck on as I read. Sometimes I just read those things and "unstick" them as quickly as possible so as not to let them disturb my progress in reading. Dumb! This morning, I wanted to catch every one. I also like how it was possible to link past posts to some of the things that occurred to me as I read. It kind of shows how lessons are learned line upon line and things come together eventually. Nice!

So, if you're interested, here's what got stuck.....


"He cannot walk in crooked paths....Neither hath he a shadow of turning from the right to the left" (verse 20).
"And he doth not dwell in unholy temples; neither can...anything unclean be received into the kingdom of God" (verse 21).

Alma tells us these things to "awaken" us to a "sense of our duty to God" (verse 22).

Duty to God? What is that? Is that ours because we are born on this earth? Does everyone have the same duty, or is that just something reserved for those who have made covenants through baptism? I would venture to say it's for everyone, but you can't do it unless you know it, right?

In that case, is ignorance bliss?

I would think (knee jerk) yes, it is, but I'm not in that boat. I have read this and know this and am coming to understand it better. I think the "bliss" is skin deep, but the knowledge brings joy deep in your soul.

It speaks of "walking blameless before God." I think in this we go back to living a life "above reproach." If you're walking blameless before God, then you're walking that way in every aspect of your life.

So, here are some of the traits we've been admonished to "obtain" in order to become clean and make those paths straight:

• Be humble. From what I understand about that word--be on your knees asking for grace (allow Him to make up for what you lack) as you attempt to live life the best you can.
• Be submissive and gentle. "Submissive?" "Meekly obedient?" Basically, suck it up quietly and do it--whatever "it" may be. Just go and do and stop fretting about it.
• Easy to be entreated. By whom? By God or my fellowman? How about by both? Is that what this is all about? I've known of people who need to pray and receive answers before they'll agree to do any little thing. Is that what this is about? I would say not. Should it even come down to people having to ask you to do something? Maybe it should be the Spirit entreating you. When I hear it, do I act quickly and easily, or do I question it and question it and question it some more? I would think that if you're "easy to be entreated," you're "Johnny on the spot." You're the first one up and moving when you see there's a need (back to "kigatsuku.")
• Full of patience and long-suffering. If there's anything we receive from God, it's this. Doesn't it make sense that we should be willing to offer this to others as well?
• Temperate in all things. In other words, don't go overboard. Have balance in your life. Don't let things rule your life. Let God and your desire to serve Him and your fellow beings rule your life.
• Diligent in keeping the commandments of God. In order to keep them, you have to know them. That's kind of where this whole thing began--the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing (see above).
• Ask for whatever you need to make these things happen in your life. That's a nice little perk. He wants us to do and become these things, but He's not leaving us to "figure it out" on our own. He's offering us an out-stretched hand. Is this a benefit I take advantage of? No, not often. Well, duh! Maybe it's time to start.

And then, He asks that we thank Him for whatever we receive from Him--in spirit and in stuff.

He makes it simpler yet and gives us a shortened version of what He's asked in the bullet points above: "See that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works."

So, I've often heard said that all you have to have to be saved is God's grace. Yes, you do. I believe this, but I don't think that's all. That grace comes through Jesus Christ's atonement, but if we rely on grace alone, we can just sit around all day eating bonbons and becoming well acquainted with a remote control, can't we?

I don't believe that that was why I was sent here. In verse 10, it talks about Mary and how she was a "chosen vessel." She was chosen to fulfill her role as mother of the Son of God. As I pondered that, I got to thinking, I don't believe God to be random in anything. I just don't think that's one of His qualities. In every aspect, He is perfect. That being the case, He either needs to be perfectly random or perfectly organized and planned. Therefore, if that is the case, and He chose Mary, didn't He also choose me to perform some special work here? And if that's the case, notice I use the word "work." Sitting around with the bonbons and the remote just aren't going to get that thing fulfilled, but the list above will. That's what He's promising.

Here's the thing...I often think of Lehi and Nephi's vision of the "Tree of Life" and the path they followed to "obtain the fruit." It was "straight and narrow," but nothing is said of the incline. As I write as I did above--my impressions as I study this morning, I read over all that's listed and think, "Yah, no problem. Got it handled," but then I think of my bonbon self and how much easier it is to just sit and watch others do the work. I guess the important thing to remember is Mary. She had a job to do. What if she hadn't lived up to that? But Mary didn't have the internet. I have to admit, I justify my internet use by saying that I do a lot of good here, and I believe I do. I use it to encourage people and stay connected to their lives, but is it hurting my ability to connect with my little ones that are here before my face? Am I encouraging them on a moment-by-moment basis? This is my time to do that.

So, here's a little further encouragement, if you find yourself in the same boat I'm in....

"If we live by the principles of the gospel, we must be good people, for we will be generous and kind, thoughtful and tolerant, helpful and outreaching to those in distress. We can either subdue the divine nature and hide it so that it finds no expression in our lives, or we can bring it to the front and let it shine through all that we do."

--Gordon B. Hinckley

This just happened to be at the bottom of the page when I finished reading the chapter. These quotes are purely random, but I love how it fit my train of thought. And thus, off to another tangent....

I love that President Hinckley used the word "tolerant." On Sunday, during the sacrament, I decided to flip through the hymn book and read the text to a few hymns. I chanced upon "In Humility, Our Savior" and the words "Teach us tolerance and love" hit my heart and have stayed there. Actually, when I woke this morning, those were the first coherent words I remember in my mind.

I wondered how many times I've sung that hymn and those words have just gone through my eyes and right back out of my mouth as I've hurried to move on to the words that follow in the hymn.

I'm feeling "intolerated" right now with someone else's desire to change things about this blog, and it doesn't feel very good. I guess I need to be more tolerant. The words before these that stuck in my mind are: "Fill our hearts with sweet forgiving." Ah yes! In order to be tolerant, one must also be forgiving and when one is intolerated, one must REALLY be forgiving.

Does this come easy for anyone? Really? I'm sure there are people out there that have that gift. I'm working on it.

So, in this post lies a challenge. Not just for today, but for a lifetime. It is what we must endure to the end doing--making His paths straight and in so doing, becoming more like Him.

So, it's time to swallow the last of the bonbons and put down the remote, and for heaven's sake, before the kids get up, get off the internet....

Commandment #8: Don't Complain; Do Something

Not sure I really need to write much about this one. It's pretty self-explanatory.

When I remember that I'm not really the one in charge here, it helps me to just keep trudging without complaining. I have to continually remind myself that after something bad happens, if I work to be obedient to God, something equally good follows. At least this has been the rule thus far in my life.

There are two scriptures that I've read recently that have added to my feelings on this subject:

1 Nephi 2:12
"And thus Laman and Lemuel, being the eldest, did murmur against their father. And they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them."

So, if I'm reading this correctly, if I can remember how God deals with His children, I will have the correct perspective and there will be no need to complain. It kind of goes along with Commandment #7. If I'm trusting Him, I won't complain because my priorities will be right, and I will remember that He's in control and that He's looking out for my best interest even if it's painful. The pain will make me stronger.

I think when my purse got stolen, there was peace because I remembered that God was aware of me. The deputy that helped us out that day called later that evening. I shared a few more details with her, and she said something that I thought was very kind, "Well, you guys have such a great attitude about this."

Although something bad had just happened, we were still standing there joking with her and having a good time. I'm sure she doesn't get that very often in her line of work. Of course, I wasn't completely my usual happy self, I was feeling the burden of it for sure, but I tried to keep my chin up even though my stomach was in complete knots. Giving the deputy a hard time when things weren't her fault would have been so useless. We just knew no matter what happened, that we'd all be okay. We had what was most important--our family was safe. The stuff can all just fade away that's perfectly okay. What good would complaining have done for us?

The other scripture is 1 Nephi 3:6:

"Therefore go, my son, and thou shalt be favored of the Lord, because thou hast not murmured."

If you're not familiar with the Book of Mormon, this scripture is about a man named Nephi. He was such a great man. He had brothers who were continually complaining. Nephi is a wonderful example of someone who has faith and is proactive. He doesn't waste time standing around complaining, he gets with it, prays about things and moves forward in the direction he feels God wants him to go.

This is how I want to be. I think being known as someone who is "favored of the Lord" would be pretty darned sweet.

Commandment #7: Trust

Do I dare admit that this is my toughest commandment?  I tend to be one of those people who thinks she can do it all by herself.  I know, because of experiences in my life, that God's got my back.  I have no doubt of that--case in point.  My problem is putting myself in the position where I willingly give it and ask for help. I tend to stay on the safer side of things.

When I truly trust in God, though, I know that that requires me to step into the darkness (the unknown) sometimes. The trip to Japan was the perfect example of this. That was a HUGE trial of my faith. I was so happy to see that Heavenly Father had my back the entire way.

I view that trip as such a miracle that there is no way I can deny there is a God.

When I look at that, I realize that that's not the only example of that. For those who truly know me, it should be clear that my entire life (day to day) is a miracle. The fact that someone as weak as me can raise this family is a miracle in and of itself. It's just not possible without a loving God to strengthen and guide me.

If I don't trust Him, I will fall apart. Along with this, though, I know that I have a long way to go in this area as well. The more I trust and am willing to take those steps in following Him, the more I am able to do and the more capable I become.

To be honest, it's kind of scary, but I know I can do better.

8 Weeks from Now....

I will be a healthier person.

A friend from high school, who I've become reacquainted and better acquainted with through Facebook, mentioned how she was joining in on an 8 week challenge. I asked her to send me information on it, which she did, and I've opted in.

Tomorrow we begin.

It will be a matter of making sure I eat enough fruits and vegetables, not eating after 9pm, drinking 64 oz. of water a day, keeping a food journal and exercising. It's brilliant!

This is just what I needed. I have become a major sloth.

I'm not overweight yet, but I'm definitely inching my way up just like I was before I started Weight Watchers all those years ago before #7 was even a thought.

I always think that photos are so telling. I can look in the mirror and think I look just fine, but it's when I look at photos that it seems that the truth is revealed. I'm on the iPad again tonight, but I'll add a recent "truth" tomorrow morning, so you can see what I'm talking about.

Anyway, tomorrow will be the beginning of something new. I'm looking forward to being more conscious of taking care of myself. HaHa! This fits right in with my 12 commandments. LOVE it!

Commandment #6: Give Everything You’ve Got

The commandments I have created for myself are not things that I do perfectly.  Quite the opposite.  These are things I feel strongly about, and things I feel I have real need for improvement on.  These are challenges for myself.  Things I want to do better at in my life.

You'll notice that this commandment doesn't say, "Give IT everything you've got," but just simply, "Give everything you've got."  This commandment follows the idea that if you have it, its yours to give away; although, it also incorporates the concept of give the best of what you've got.  All that we have are gifts anyway.  These gifts are given to bless the lives of others.

As Anne Frank said, "No one has ever become poor by giving."


I am of the firm belief that all that we have is on loan.  It's not, any of it, ours in the first place--our time, our talents, our possessions....Because I have received so abundantly, it's my opportunity to give it away.  To be selfish about anything is foolishness.

I will assert, however, that this isn't always easy.  I also would like to state that giving willy nilly is foolishness.  There have been times when I've seen someone on the side of the road with a sign and felt very strongly urged inside my heart to give them something.  There have been others when I have not.  There have been times when I've known that instead of running off to a meeting, I've needed to stay behind and take the time to talk to and listen to someone.  These things all fall under this commandment.  Do what is best--follow your heart.

Life is short, and we only go around once, so every minute should be our best, or we should use these minutes wisely.








I need to add, for my own encouragement, that the times when I've given unselfishly, I know I have been rewarded for doing so almost immediately.

I've been told that there are two kinds of people in this world--the givers and the takers.  I want to be a giver.

To quote a woman I deeply admire:

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley


Life is short.  It's our opportunity in it to gain through giving.

Commandment #5 - Act as If

When I first found The Happiness Project, I started that night to create my own twelve commandments.  Little by little, I'm explaining each.  Here we are at number five.

Gretchen Rubin, the writer of The Happiness Project, says that one of the things you can do to help create your own commandments is to think of phrases that have stuck with you.  This commandment is courtesy of my dad.  I would actually call this my dad's catch phrase.  I mean, if someone were to come up to me and ask me what my dad's parenting phrase was, I'd say this...

"Act as if."

...which I guess is very similar to "fake it til you make it."

There have been a few times in my life when I've found myself in really uncomfortable situations, and I remembered and used my dad's words, and it changed the situation completely.

The first was my first semester at BYU.  I was the only Freshman I knew there.  I had an upper classman friend or two, but they lived off campus.  Having lived in the same house since I was three and attending school with the same people my entire growing up, I was in a completely new world.  I had to learn how to make friends starting from scratch.

One night as I walked out on the quad and passed the statue of Brigham Young, it hit me--not that Brigham Young has anything to do with this story, but just that the idea was so stark that I remember exactly where I was when it happened.  I decided that I had to "act as if" and put a smile on my face and pretend that I was happy.

It worked.

There's much more to that story, and I met one of my dearest friends that night, and we're still in touch after all these years, but that's an entire post in and of itself, so that'll wait for another time.

The other time was when we (four sisters and five elders) received our first assignments in the mission field.  Those first days in the mission home, I decided to have a good attitude no matter what.

When we got our assignments at breakfast the last morning in the mission home, I learned that I was heading to Aomori and would spend the entire day on the train and have two transfers.  I would have all of my luggage with me and would have to make it alone.  The other missionaries (most of them) were going fairly close by--an hour or two away at the most.  I was traveling farthest.

To be honest, I was petrified--what if I got lost?  What if I couldn't read a sign or failed to get off the train at the right place?  How would I communicate and get myself back on track?  No one knew that I was having these thoughts.  I had already decided that I wasn't going to let the worry get the best of me.  I said only positive things, and my demeanor followed suit.  It ended up being a fun adventure.

So, here's the bottom line...If you don't want to do something, act as if you do.  If you don't particularly care for someone, act as if you do.  The amazing thing is, from what I've experienced with this rule, if you can make yourself believe it, it comes to pass.

Commandment #4: Do It Now!

This is a little ditty I learned from taking college classes.  Originally, when I set up my class schedule, I put statistics as the very last class I would take.  I absolutely DREADED taking it!

As time went on, and I took other courses, I realized that I really wanted to end the experience on a good note, so I changed the timing of statistics.  I placed three electives last--things I thought would be fun (I was a little bit wrong thinking that personal finance was going to be fun, but I still learned a lot).

In the end, I was very glad that I did this.  What I really wish, though, was that I'd taken stats first and just gotten it out of the way.

So, that's the nature of this commandment....Don't put off the things you dread.  Get them over with.

Along with this are two other ideas that go along with it.  If you truly dread something, cut it up into babysteps and do one, or two if you're feeling really adventurous, each day.  When you've done the babystep, take a minute to look at what you've accomplished and give yourself a pat on the back.

One thing BYU sent out with the first class was a form on which you assigned yourself different tasks for each day and how you would reward yourself once you were done.  I loved those things.  I got, over time, so I didn't need them any more, but they were great motivation there are first.

The big phrase in our house right now is "doing anything is better than doing nothing at all."  Those words tie in great with this commandment.  Just do something that'll get you going in the right direction--anything no matter how small that thing might be.

At church a number of weeks ago, a man spoke and shared something along these lines:  "Don’t let any generous/good impulse pass unfulfilled."  These have stuck with me ever since.  You know when you just think, "Oh, I should really help that person put her groceries on the conveyor belt" or "I should go over and talk to that person."  But, immediately following you think, "But she'll probably think I'm rude and being impatient" or "But I've got all these kids here right now, so I'd better not."  Along the lines of "do it now" fall these kinds of impulses.  If you feel it, do it!

So, here's what this commandment is all about....
*No more putting of things you're dreading--just dive in.
  I dove into my gift wrap box this evening.  Ugh!  But it's now done, and I have a newly cleaned corner of my laundry room.
*If you truly dread something, create babysteps that are a little less frightening to get you there.  While you take them, look back and cheer yourself on.
*Don't put off or excuse yourself from any generous impulse you might have.  You never know where this kind of action might lead you.

This all goes back to that quote I love so much...
The best time to plant a tree was 25 years ago; the second best time is now.
It's time to stop making excuses and just get 'er done.

Commandment #3: This is it!

I linked to this video, but it's so touching that if you didn't watch it before, please take a minute and do so now.....

As I'm getting older, I swear I'm becoming more and more opinionated.  As we sat in presidency meeting a couple weeks ago, one of us brought up the point that some women were unhappy about working with their own child or working with certain groups of kids.  Well, I had just watched this video just a few weeks prior, and I immediately climbed up on my soapbox and shared my feelings about being happy with whatever we're doing at the moment.  I'm convinced that it's just a matter of changing your mind.  It's a decision to be happy.  I truly believe this.  

I took Gretchen's quote and altered it just a bit.  "The days are long but life is short." As I'm looking at my #1 heading off to college, I'm now facing the reality of what everyone has warned me about since she was a baby, "It goes by so fast."

I remember when our ward split when she was less than 2-years-old.  The Primary president's last priority was filling the nursery with leaders.  They had what was called a "self-service" nursery.  In my opinion, this was doing a lot of members of the ward a disservice as they were trying to get something out of church, so I volunteered to be the nursery leader.  I remember feeling a bit resentful about being my daughter's teacher.  I was with her all day everyday.  Couldn't someone else do this job?  But, I knew others were benefitting from my service.  I never verbalized those feelings to anyone, but to be honest, I felt them.  Now that I look back, I'm ashamed of myself.  I wish those thoughts had never been allowed to enter my brain.  I did overcome them back then, but I wish I had just been happy with everything life afforded me and saw the great blessings for working with the children from day one--especially the chance to be with my daughter.  Little did I know back then how fast the time would pass.

In all of this lies the challenge--Enjoy every second of everyday with whatever I do.  One thing I've learned is that I'm really not in charge of my life.  I mean, I'm allowed to make my own decisions, but the outcome is often not mine to decide.  If I truly have faith and know that God is there and is aware of me, shouldn't I have every reason to trust Him and know that it will all turn out for my good in the end?  I believe so.  Therefore, I have no reason not to be happy even if the situation seems the very worst it can be.  This is the challenge of life, and this is why this is one of my commandments--it's hard for me to keep perspective sometimes.

So, there you have it...This IS it!  This is all we've got.  Why not be happy with it no matter what "it" is?  That's the challenge...no, that's the commandment.

A Subject that Must be Faced

The other morning, I wrote a status on facebook that led to a wonderful discussion.  Here's what it said....

"K, so I need to say this. I just hope it doesn't come out wrong....
So many, including me, were happy to see an African-American in the white house. It said so much about where we, as U.S. citizens, have come with the discrimination thing; though, I have to honestly admit, I wasn't too thrilled with who that African-American was. Does it seem strange--a whole lot of steps backward--that so many are freaking out and would rather have ANYONE in the white house but a MORMON?"

Thank you to all who commented.  It's been great!

One friend commented, and I asked for more input from her.  She wrote more and then posed this question....

"Okay, so we're all being very highminded & appalled by bigotry based on the way someone is born & the lifestyle choices they make... What would everyone's reaction be to a homosexual candidate (because it follows logically in the discussion)?"

I have to say, I was happy to see this question come up because it's not something that we, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, are asked about very often.  We are judged for it, but very rarely does someone come forward and ask for clarification, and it's definitely not one of those that I, as a member of the Church, am going to climb up on my soapbox, uninvited, and start spouting off about, so thank you, Stephanie, for bringing this question up.  I'm happy to explain at least my take on the subject of homosexuality.  I will also, though, assert that these are my personal feelings and don't necessarily mirror those of my entire religious community.

Not all members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are the same.  It is unfair to lump us all into one group and say, "Mormons are this way."  We are all at different places in our growth and learning; we all have different experiences in our lives that lead us to where we are.  The great desire for all members, though, I believe, is to grow to be more like Jesus Christ in charity and love of others.  We all want to do what's right, but in many cases that definition of "what is right" is cloudy.  From what I understand, if a member of the church is truly living his/her beliefs, the motivation behind every action will be "to do what the Savior would do" and bless the lives of others.  That is the bottom line.

I believe many of the LDS faith are not so much bigoted against those of same-gender attraction as we are ignorant and maybe even apathetic because we don't know how we  feel; we don't have the experience to know just how to judge the situations we sometimes find ourselves in.  My hope is that over time, we will all have opportunities to have experiences that will help us come to some solid decisions about all people.  It is clear that we are all human beings--all children of God, and as such, we should be kind and respectful to all people.

I was raised in Portland, Oregon.  Portland is a very liberal city, and it's not always been easy to live a conservative religion amongst so much liberalism.  I believe that through this experience, I have learned to accept others as individuals and learn to love them but not always like what they do--a lot how I feel about my own children at times.  I'm sure there are many who feel the same about me, and I'm perfectly okay with that.  To be honest, growing up, I had very few LDS friends, but enjoyed the chance of getting to know many of different backgrounds.  My children now experience a similar situation. 

First, I have to explain that as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I take the ten commandments very seriously.  I try to live them everyday of my life.  They are the backbone of my beliefs.  Am I perfect at them?  No, but I try my darnedest.

One of the biggest is the one about chastity--the adultery one.  Yes, I live that.  Yes, I always have.  In other words, when I got married at 23, I was a virgin.  I have only ever had one partner and if he outlives me, I only ever will.  This, to the rest of the world, probably seems freakish and weird, but it goes along with God's top ten, so I live it.  Did I have opportunities to go against it?  Yes, many times, but my answer was "no" in my attempt to fear God and obey Him with the faith that the blessings would be great, and they have been.

That being said, if someone is living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as we know it, no matter what gender one is attracted to, one wouldn't act on his/her sexuality until marriage.  The fact of the attraction is not a bad thing, it's the act of breaking that commandment that is. So, whether I'm attracted to men or women doesn't matter, it's the act of sex before marriage wherein God's law is broken.

Another basic belief, one of an eternal nature, is the understanding that God has given EVERYONE his/her ability to choose.  We, in the church, often refer to it as "agency."  Each of us has the ability to choose for ourselves the route we will take in this life.  We are not to choose for others or coerce them to do what we choose for them.  We, as individuals, will only be judged for our own choices.  We will stand before God alone, so what any other person chooses to do has little or no bearing on how I'm judged by God unless I somehow coerced or influenced him/her to do that thing.  Coersion is not part of God's plan in any way, shape or form.  Therefore, it is not my place to take anyone's right to choose away.  That would also be against God's law.  It seems that this is where we, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, are thought to be bigots. 

One thing I've learned as a mother, though, is that if my children are doing something that only effects him/her, I need to leave that problem as his/her responsibility.  He/she must deal with it and its consequences, but if whatever they're doing is effecting someone else and causing a problem for someone else, it's in all of our best interest to address the problem head on.

As far as the topic of marriage goes, we believe that the purpose of marriage is to create families.  As one of our basic tenets, family is of utmost importance and one of its purposes is to create life and provide bodies for spirits so they can have experiences here on earth and learn and grow, but that, again, is a choice.  Another misconception about members of the LDS church is that we have a ton of kids. Okay, my husband and I do, but that was a personal choice.  Some choose not to have children and some choose to have one or two; others, choose to have seven.  It's not something that's dictated by Church leadership.  It's all part of our choosing.  

As we view marriage, we understand that two men cannot create a body together; neither can two women.  It doesn't fit with God's plan as we know it to be. 

Because of our belief of the nature of family, it follows that we would try to protect that.  It is our fear of God that makes us want to defend His plan.

Most women will understand and agree with me when I say that men are hard to live with.  No question.  Men, I'm sure would say the same thing about women.  We're so different in nature, but that's how it's supposed to be.  Living with a woman, for most women, would be easy.  We think similarly.  Men are continually trying to figure women out and women, men.  There's a reason for that.  It's all part of a plan.  It gives balance to a family.

I know there are many who won't understand what I'm sharing here.  It's like I'm from a foreign world because, in a way, I am.  I live by a different code than most of the world, but it works for me.  No, more than "works for me," it makes me happy and satisfied with life.

I guess what I would hope is that, even if you don't like what I do, you'd learn to treat me with the same courtesy as you would any human being and know that I will do the same for you.  I may not agree with what you choose to do, and I may live differently, but my hope is that we, who reside on this ever-turning planet, would learn to just look deeper at the fact that we are all human beings trying to do our best with what we've been given and what we know to be right and best for ourselves and our families.

Commandment #2: Be My Best Friend

There was once a time in my teen years when I made a huge mistake.  I had to go talk to the person it effected, and I was scared to do so, but I knew I had to free my conscience and make things right.

Before I went to talk to that person, I sought counsel from my dad.  I will never forget his words...

He said, "Jole, if your best friend was sitting next to you during all this, would she treat you the way you're treating yourself?"

No question, I was being super hard on myself and could see no reason why the other party would forgive me.  Heck, how could that person EVER forgive me if I couldn't even forgive myself?

Because of his words, I was able to find some love for myself and during the conversation with the other party, I imagined my best friend sitting there.  It made things so much easier and was quite relieved when the other person forgave me with no hesitation.  WHEW!

Even now, though, when I make mistakes, I find it hard to forgive myself.  Therefore, my second commandment is to "be my best friend"--to be the first to forgive myself and give myself the benefit of the doubt.  I do it for others all the time.  Why is it so hard to do it for me?  I know my own heart and my own intentions, and it's never do another person harm.  Should be an easy one, right?  Well, we shall see.

Commandment #1: Be Julie

I kind of already blogged about this topic, but that was before I understood that Gretchen's commandments were Gretchen's commandments, and mine needed to be personalized for me.

The one I want to write about is commandment #11, but I figure I'll eventually get there.

When I had child #4, a friend gave me a book.  She said that by the time you have #4, baby gifts should be for the mom, not so much for the baby.  I think I agree with this line of thinking, and she gave me the most wonderful book.

I got so I would read it every morning and follow the instructions each day.  It was a fun little exercise.  It spoke of your "authentic self" and being true to who you really are.

 My authentic self?

One day it said to go find a photo of yourself around the age of 11.  Eleven, for most of us, was when you were really true to yourself.  You wore what you wanted to just because you wanted to.  You didn't care what other people thought about what you did or said, you just did and said them because it was part of who you were.

I remember for my birthday in first or second grade, my mom threw me a party.   The week prior, my friends would come up to me and ask me what I wanted for my birthday.  I told every one of them that I wanted puzzles.  I wasn't smart enough to tell them each something different, so for my birthday, I was given jigsaw puzzle on top of jigsaw puzzle.  I was in heaven.  I look back on that and see that that's a point in my life when I was true to my nature.  By nature, I'm a thinker, and it's when I would sit and do a puzzle that my brain would wander and take me to new thoughts and ideas--something I truly enjoyed.

Once you hit adolescence and start caring about being popular and having friends and following the crowd, you've lost a lot of your originality and you become one of the many.  Sad, huh?  I never ask for puzzles any more

Me at 11.

So, the point is, how do we get back to who we really are?  How can we recapture 11 and feel good about who we are inside our skin and not worry quite so much about what everybody else sees?  How can I go around and not apologize quite so much for those traits that are mine and mine alone?  How can I just feel good about being me again like I did before I cared about what others thought of me?

I think there are little glimmers that still remain.  As I look at this photo of me at 11, I have to laugh.  Just this morning I was getting dressed.  I grabbed a knee-high sock and put it on.  As I did so, I thought, I really love knee-high socks.  I hardly ever wear them, but as I put them on, I felt really happy in my heart.  I pulled out this photo to scan this afternoon, and this little recognition of where that feeling originated resonated inside of me.  The knee socks are my 11-year-old self coming out.  Funny!

So, the challenge of commandment #1 is to get back in touch with the old me.  When I have decisions to make, I need to remember to "be Julie" and choose what I feel best about and not choose it because someone I think is totally fantastic would do it.

So, what about you?  What did you love to do when you were 11?  What did you wear?  How did you act?  Are you different now?   How are you being true to your authentic self? 



So, there you have it, commandment #1.  If you're wondering about my cupboard cleaning adventures, yes, I have avoided the top of the fridge for two days now.  I'm just thoroughly enjoying the clean ones, but I will do it tonight.

The Happiness Project: Personalized Commandments

The night I found the Happiness Project, I had some fun working to figure out just what my own commandments would be.  I looked through Gretchen's (the creator of the Happiness Project) and kind of revised a few of those, but for the most part, I took things that are important to me and listed them.  These are just preliminary notes.  There are some great stories behind some of them.  I think as time goes on, I'll post about each and give some background.  Here's my list:

My 12 Commandments

1.      Be Julie

a.       accepting my true likes and dislikes

b.      realize my limitations

c.       let go of all the things that I am not

                                                              i.      "I have a lot of notions about what I wish I liked to do, of the subjects and occupations that I wish interested me. But it doesn’t matter what I wish I were like. I am [Julie]" - Gretchen Rubin

                                                            ii.      "It’s possible -- in fact quite easy -- to construct a life quite unrelated to our nature." - Gretchen Rubin

d.      Accept others just as they are.

e.       I want to “Be Julie,” yet I also want to change myself for the better.

f.       Rejoice in what you are; be authentic

2.      Be my best friend

a.       Be the first to forgive myself

b.      Keep things in perspective

                                                              i.      The world will not end

1.      Unless I choose to push the button, that is.

c.       Let it go and move on

3.      This is it!

a.       The days are long but life is short. - Adapted from a quote by Gretchen Rubin.

b.      Enjoy every second of everyday with whatever I do.

4.      Do it now!

a.       Don’t put off what you dread.

b.      Babysteps are all that matter.

c.       Don’t let any generous/good impulse pass unfulfilled

5.      Act as if

a.       So you don’t want to do it?  Act as if you do.

b.      So you don’t like that person?  Act as if you do.

6.      Give everything you’ve got.

a.       It’s all on loan.

b.      Be all I can be every minute.

c.       Do my best work.

d.      Give because I’ve received so abundantly.

7.      Trust

a.       God’s got your back, but you have to let Him have it.

8.      Don’t complain; do something!

9.      Smile no matter what.

10.  Say a little prayer.

11.  Own the street.

a.       Get to know others who’re visiting your street.

b.      Be warm and welcoming.

12.  Take care of me.

a.       Don’t sabotage yourself.

b.      If you don’t take care of you, who’s going to.

c.       Don’t be afraid to do ALL the things you know you should.

d.      Do hard things—yah, just do them!