Things to Do in Pullman

Oh, my goodness! I am BUSTING a GUT here! What a way to start out a morning.

As you may be aware, we, as a family, write to missionaries around the world each Sunday afternoon. Everyone is on a rotation, and we actually have ten missionaries that we are writing to right now, including our own.

I have asked everyone to send me copies of the letters they write to #1 so we can put them in a book, but this morning, in checking my email, I see that maybe this is becoming a habit. I received a copy of the letter my husband wrote to an Elder.

Although I sometimes share what #6 or #7 have written to missionaries, this morning, while he's laying here snoring next to me, I HAVE to share this email.

Let me preface it by saying that this Elder's family just moved. The Warden is playing on that fact.


Without further ado, here is the middle portion of his email…..



"I sure miss your family.  As they were debating this moving business, I did my best to persuade by looking at the top 10 things to do in Pullman, Washington.  I thought I'd share them with you since that will be your "home" too... sort off....  Personally, I think they are breathtaking kinds of places...

#1 - Washington State University - The whole thing

#2 - Kamiak Butte - A hill... nuf said

#3 - Palouse Golf Course

#4 - Airway Hills Mini Golf

#5 - Martin Stadium

#6 - Wawawai County Park - You know if the guy who named it didn't stutter, it might actually have a cocococool name.

#7 - Palouse Brewing Company - A great place for a return missionary

#8 - Sunshine Crafts and Flowers - What???

#9 - Merry Cellars - yep - Another RM hangout

#10 - The Museum of Anthropology - This is the place to find out information about Bigfoot - I think the creators of this place may have visited #7 and #9 prior to seeing Big Foot and opening such a place.

#11 - The Coug - That is the statue in front of Washington State University...  Sigh....

#12 - The Palouse Discovery Science Center

#13 - Nica Gallery - This is actually a quilting center for old people, but it sounds nice!

#14 - Cavern - I don't know what this is and there aren't pictures to describe it... let your imagination of excitement run wild.. It is a Cavern!!

#15 - Marion Ownby Herbarium - In their own words, this is what you can see here:  "This herbarium contains over 300,000 different species of plants, mosses and ferns..." What more can I say?

#16 - The Physical Sciences building on the WSU campus!!  

There you have it the "Top 10" as advertised on the WEB... did you notice that they listed 16?  I have no idea why!  Your brothers are having a great time, and they are getting ready to show you a good time too!!!"

There you go! Have a nice day!

The Hazard of Hess - part 2

Naming babies can be so fun. My husband has a very unique name. I was one of five Julie's in my Kindergarten class. So, when the time came to choose names for our children, we decided to stick with names that not every kid in the class was going to have.

One tricky thing about unusual names is that once you've named two children, you are then committed. You HAVE to name them all something different.

We have one child with a very common name. I have to admit I really dislike the idea of taking a normal name, and giving it a wacky spelling in order to make it unique. I don't like it, but I'm guilty of it. Our #5 has always had at least one other boy in his class with the same name, but we have yet to find one spelled the same way.

The truth is, though, that I'm very glad he has the name he has and not the one the Warden tried to get away with.

Here's the story.....

Back when I was pregnant with #5, we were plumb out of names. We had struggled even with a name for #3, and knowing this was a boy and we already had two boys, we were really working hard to find just the right moniker for this little one.

At that time, the Warden included the teachers at the school where he was working to help come up with a name. For some reason, this became a really fun thing....once someone figured out all you could do with the name "Hess."

Unlike Michael Jackson, we could never use the name "Prince" for even one of our boys because he would quickly be feminized--Prince Hess (Princess), you get it, right?

Oh, after this, they had a BALL!

Some of my favorites were "obsequi," "carol,""dungeon,""blamel." You get the idea. Add "Hess" to the end of any one of these, and this child takes on a whole new meaning. The Warden's favorite was always "X." Although, his mother had always threatened that she would have twins and name them "Melluva" and "Meckuva." 'Nuf said.

So, the story continues.....

I was induced with each pregnancy, and although #5 was a special case, it was no different. We drove out to the hospital early in the morning. It was still dark outside. Because we weren't at our local hospital, our doctor had arranged for one of his associates who works closer to the hospital we were delivering at (I say that as if "we" were delivering. Haha! Yah, right!) to be there to begin the induction.

She showed up, and we were off and running. Things went very smoothly, and a few hours later, our doctor arrived to deliver, and we had a healthy, wonderful baby boy.

After the excitement was over, the Warden left to go get something to eat. On his way back up to the room, he happened across the doctor who started the induction. She was already on the elevator and headed up to see her patients....and me.

She asked, "So, do we have a baby?" to which the Warden replied, "Yes, everything went great."

She continued, "Girl or boy?" He told her we'd had a boy.

The next obvious question: "What did you name him?"

The Warden's response: "Sucks."

The doctor, without batting an eye, replied, "Oh, that's a nice name."

REALLY! But, what would you expect her to say. I'm betting she hears all kinds of things in her line of work.

The Warden came in just a few moments after this conversation practically rolling. He was laughing so hard. He couldn't wait to share what had just occurred in the elevator.

Within about five minutes, the doctor walked into my room. We razzed her a bit as I said, "You fell for that?"

She laughed with us for a long time as the Warden explained that we had great hopes for this boy. How could you lose with a name like "Sucks Hess?"

The Hazard of "Hess"

image: it.geol.science.cmu.ac.th

I'm betting you have no idea how versatile a name like "Hess" can be. I know I didn't until a number of years after I actually became one. Here is the first of two illustrations for you. The second will show up in another post. For now, here's story number one.

Years ago, a letter came to my husband in the mail. I grabbed it from the mailbox and got in the car. He and I were heading someplace. I looked through the envelopes to discern what was for me and what was for him. Then....there was an envelope with his first name on it followed by a TERRIBLE typo.

Take a moment and look at your computer keyboard...

image: etechmag.com

It seems that, after typing the "H" and "e," the person who did the data entry mistook the left-hand ring finger for his/her right-hand ring finger.

Go ahead...look at your keyboard. Yup. That's a bit of a problem.

Ugh! There's Proof

Many times I've told people that #7's just like I was as a child. I honestly don't think people have believed me. Well, this morning, I went to Facebook. A friend from Japan had "liked" a few of my photos during the night.....

There you have it....Proof.

Yup. There's one in every crowd. I just happened to provide it for my crowd. She provides it for ours.

I'd now like to apologize to my mother....

Double Talk

Sometimes the things I resort to as a mother surprise even me. Let's take today's tactics for instance....

Maybe it's because they've grown unaccustomed to hearing my voice during the day when school is in session, or maybe it's because they've already grown tired of my voice in the couple weeks we've had of summer vacation, but my children (my younger boys, in particular) don't hear anything the first time I say it. EVER....anymore.

Now, I'm not the kind of mom, usually, who knee jerks the consequences I dole out in response to my kids' behaviors. I just don't. As much as possible, the punishment must fit the crime. It must be logical. It must somehow tie to the broken rule. I must admit, I've become fairly creative in tying the two together over the years. I mean, how can you avoid a little creativity when you've set those kinds of ground rules for yourself and you've been doing the same thing for over 19 years--and the end of that tunnel is so far off that it seems nonexistent?

Today, we were driving in the car. I, for the umpteen-millionth time, repeated myself. I swear the first time I speak I must sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. I just MUST.





The second time the defect must clear up because the second time around, there is sometimes some kind of response that shows acknowledgment, but I hate to admit that at times clarification is needed a third and fourth time.

There is always a lag time between the first utterance and the repetition as I stand there waiting in full expectation that there will be some glint of understanding. That's where the frustration begins. I mean, why do I even wait. I already know I'm going to have to say it again. Shoot! Pavlov's dogs learned faster than I do--excuse me while I wipe my chin.

Today, I decided that I was tired of wasting such valuable time, so instead of saying something once and then waiting for a response to see if I needed to repeat myself, I just went ahead and repeated myself right away. I just went head and repeated myself right away.

And you know what? You know what?.....

It WORKED! It WORKED! I mean like a charm. I totally had their attention. Not only that, but they were talking to me in hopes that I would respond....at first.

This carried on for about an hour. This carried on for about an hour. Then, the 13-year-old decided that he'd had enough. So, after he and his brothers promised that they'd answer the first time, I went back to normal. They wanted me to promise that I'd never do that again, but you know what?...

....I didn't promise. I didn't promise.

Fork or Napkin?

image: picklesandthings.com

#3 came in eating a pickle. As she approached me, she asked, "Would you like a pickle on a fork?"

"Yes, please, but wait. I would like a pickle wrapped in a napkin. That's how my mommy used to do it."

"That's how your 'mommy' used to do it? Well, you're in my country now, chica. Pickle on a fork!"

She returns to the kitchen, and I hear her open the fridge. Next thing I know, she approaches me with a pickle on a fork, and the fork is...

image: yaymicro.com

...wrapped in a napkin.

I guess you can have it both ways.

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Just a Little Piece of Unwanted Advice...

Oh my goodness! I just found this at the bottom of the annex blog. I don't even remember putting it there, but I really need to share it....for those who asked me to change my blog, a little word of advice:

"...My counsel to members would be to relax, lighten up, mellow out, and not get so huffy. While the gospel is sacred and serious, sometimes we take ourselves a little too seriously. A sense of humor, especially about ourselves, is an attribute worthy of development."

--Glen L. Pace

Irreverence

I've really got nothing to write about today. It's been a couple of days, and I'm wiped out, so I thought I'd share a few of our family's favorite videos.  I guess you'll see how truly irreverent we are around here....

The Ides of March

Every month, the middle school principals in our school district have a lunch together and talk about middle school principal-ish kinds of things, I suppose.  I've never been to one, but I think this is the month I'd want to be invited--if it were possible--even if they do talk about principal-ish kinds of things.

The new thing is that each luncheon has a theme.  Last month, the theme was President's Day.  The Warden was assigned fruit, so he took red, white and blue fruit to share.

March is the Warden's month to plan the luncheon.  He was challenged not to make the theme "St. Patrick's Day."  The following is the letter he sent to all of the other principals in regard to their assignments (the names have been changed to protect the innocent):

"First - I feel the need to thank [Principal F] for the challenge of moving beyond St Patrick's Day as we prepare for lunch next week.  I've learned some amazing things this evening about some very important days in March....

"Did you know that March is known for:

• Irish American Month
• Music in Our Schools Month
• National Craft Month
• National Frozen Food Month
• National Irish American Heritage Month- designated by Congress in 1995.
• National Nutrition Month
• National Peanut Month
• National Women's History Month
• Red Cross Month
• Social Workers Month
  

"With that in mind, I'd like to propose the following assignments based on some very important days in March (I hope the themes are obvious - If you don't get it, do what you want... who would know the difference?):

"[Principal S], [Principal W], and [Principal M]:  Please prepare a main dish in honor of March 1 (National Pig Day) and March 7 (National Roast of Pork Day) or March 19 (Poultry Day)

"[Principal V] and [Principal C]:  Please prepare a salad in honor of March 11 (Johnny Appleseed Day) or March 3 (Peach Blossom Day) or March 26 (Make Up Your Own Holiday Day)

"[Principal H]:   Please bring something in honor of March 14 (National Potato Chip Day) or March 23 (National Chip and Dip Day)

"[Principal M]:  Please provide drinks in honor of March 30 (I'm in Control Day) or March 2nd (Old Stuff Day) or March 31 (Bunsen Burner Day)... There wasn't a good 'drink day' in March. Sorry!!

 

"[The Warden]:  We will provide cups, plates, and napkins in honor of March 17 (St Patrick's) or March 18 (Goddess of Fertility Day) or March 22 (National Goof Off Day)

"[Principal O]:  Please provide dessert in honor of one of these days:  March 28 (National Something on a Stick Day) or March 14 (National Pi day - 3.14), or March 20 (Extraterrestrial Abductions Day)

"District Office: - This one is for you [Assistant Superintendent] - Be creative - Please provide a snack or two honoring March 3 (If Pets Had Thumbs Day), March 8 (Popcorn Lover's Day), and/or March 5th (Multiple Personalities Day)

"For all:  Please be sure to bring things that would support March 11 for lunch while we serve ourselves.

"There are some other days that didn't make it to the lunch table, but are pretty appropriate right now in our lives:

"Politicians both Democrats and Republicans:  March 29

Our Budget:  March 9 and March 15 (there are two on this day for this one that fit)

[MC]:  March 4

Our schools each day:  March 15

"Perhaps after we eat these amazing foods we can go out and celebrate March 30

"I think I've got it covered....

"If you don't believe me about these days and would like to know what the listed days above might be, just check out this 100% accurate site in your spare time:

http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/march.htm

"See you Thursday!!"

Still wondering why he didn't just base it all on "If Pets Had Thumbs Day."  I know we'll be celebrating that one at our house.  Wonder what April's theme will be....

Wordless Wednesday: The Cheer (Loving #5 in this one!)

To Those Who Think I've Got Too Much on My Plate....

You're right.

I do.

I give up.

HAHAHA!!!

Just kidding.

NEVER!!!

Still over here chipping away....

Melinda Mae

Have you heard of tiny Melinda Mae,
Who ate a monstrous whale?
She thought she could,
She said she would,
So she started in right at the tail.

And everyone said,"You're much too small,"
But that didn't bother Melinda at all,
She took little bites and she chewed very slow,
Just like a little girl should...

...and eighty-nine years later she ate that whale
Because she said she would!!!

Written by Shel Silverstein (1930-1999)

Someday....

Yes...someday.....

Yo' Momma

At about 3:30 this afternoon, I finally got around to checking the voicemail on my cell phone.  I don't check my phone all that often because it's pretty rare that I have any messages at all.  Today, there happened to be one.  Here's what I heard:

“Hey Mom, this is [#4].

I’m just calling to say when you left me from taking my pill, 

a person met me in the hall with a friend.   

One person said, ‘Hi, I just saw your mom.’

The other person said, ‘She looks fat.’

She said it was just a joke, but I didn’t take it very lightly.

Just want to say that it really hurt my feelings.  I love you.

I know you’re not, but it just made me feel terrible.

See you after school.  Bye.”

Oh my boy and his tender heart.  This was about the sweetest thing EVER.  I wish you could have heard this message.  He was very emotional.  I'm kind of glad he got the voicemail and not me directly.  I'm afraid my guffaws would have offended.

I don’t know that I’ll ever understand how boys feel about their mothers, but I received a further phone call from one of his teachers telling me that she thought he was physically ill and was about to send him to the health office because he was pale and crying.  I guess  that was the point when he called me.

Wow!  The teacher has spoken with the young lady that said it, and said she’s writing me a note of apology.  I didn't even hear her say it, and it may just be true.  I mean Halloween did just get over, and I do have a nice sized stash in the back of the freezer, and I do take a medicinal dose of chocolate each day.

Sad that all I did when I heard the message was laugh hysterically.  I've never been the source of a yo' momma joke.  I guess I'd better not wear two sweatshirts at the same time again.  I’m working hard at composing myself before #4 gets home.

This post was written at 3:45 this afternoon.