Ten Random Minutes: Blessings of Being a Missionary Mom

I have so much to share, but I sit down, and it overwhelms me. There is so much! So many miracles and tender mercies that I've witnessed. How do I capture it all? If I only write part and then drop the ball, will I remember it later? At this point, because I haven't been writing, I fear that I've forgotten so much already. I feel that I won't do what's happened justice.

Well, I'm going to go for it. Believe it or not, where I am in life right now requires that I set myself a timer. I can't neglect my other duties by sitting here and writing for too long, but I'm going to trust that as I write, details will come back to me, and I will trust that ten measly minutes will be enough to say what needs to be said. There will be ten minutes more tomorrow.


Seriously, I don't know where to begin.

Awhile back, I mentioned my daughter's mission and how it has brought blessings. I really want to expound upon that, so that you can understand and so that I have a record of just what blessings I've been aware of. Many of these blessings include others. I have not spoken to these people to get their permission to use their names, so for now, I will merely describe them and their roles in these things that have happened. If you know that one of these people I describe is you, and you don't mind my using your name, please contact me.

I don't know if I ever shared how much I doubted as I sent in my papers for my own mission. I really wondered if it was the right path for me. I am the kind of person who wants to know "why" about everything. It's just my nature. Once I understand why, I move forward whole-heartedly. Back all those years ago, I didn't know why. I prayed and moved forward, never really receiving the confirmation that what I was doing was right. I never got the "no" either, so I continued.

All these years later, I see the difference. As a mom to a missionary, I feel her pains and her joys. I feel them deeply, empathetically. I understand. I also trust in the learning process that she is experiencing. Been there; done that. I don't doubt that she feels tuggings in her heart to do certain things and to turn from other things. Knowing my daughter, I understand that she is much better at this than I ever was, and it makes me so happy to have that assurance.

I also understand that our trip to Japan together was inspired. I now understand at least part of the why of that. She needed to go for both of us. As for me, I needed to see her in action. I needed to see how she responded to this new situation in a new country. I needed to see her adapt and strive to learn the language (even if only for a very short time). I needed to see her knit together with a people that were foreign to her. She didn't let the language become a barrier. She served with all her heart. She was willing to sacrifice her own comfort for theirs.

I have no doubt that she is where she is supposed to be now. Unlike me, she doesn't need to know the whys of this call. She knows strongly that she is where she is supposed to be. I am so pleased with this. She is made of far tougher stuff than I ever was.

With this, her call, have come opportunities for service for our whole family. They have been like seeds that are gradually planted but quickly grow and bloom. This is where it becomes hard to write. Which do I start with? How do I transmit, through writing, the nature of these things so that you understand that none of these really have anything to do with me…..I didn't start them. Well, in some cases, most cases, it was a matter of walking forward and finding myself involved in something that has evolved into something much larger…..In short, miracles. They weren't planned. They just moved--like walking into a dark room and the automatic light turns on, and you find that you're surrounded with amazing things you weren't aware even existed.


Here is a short list of what I want to cover in these 10 minute sessions:
packages
Facebook groups
Tacloban
Tacloban missionaries
brothers


My 10 minutes is up for today. I'm thinking this is going to be therapeutic. So many things have been swirling around my head lately. I need to get them out.

Lately, I have been feeling that there is so much evil growing in this world. For the bulk of society to deny the existence of an evil force is dangerous. Somehow, this seems to make his influence grow. The only thing I can compare it to is kind of like at the end of a cartoon, you know how the screen darkens and a large circle of light shrinks around the final scene? That's how this feels.

I have had so many frustrating things I've wanted to write about--stupid things society is choosing to do, but I have decided that my energy is better focused keeping that circle from shrinking too quickly. I feel like I need to reach inside and keep my hand there on the good to keep the circle from closing never to reopen. If enough of us can cling to the good that still exists, it won't close completely.

So, I will share these things that have brought me so much joy these past few months. I will share the good that still exists, and more than anything else, I will share that there is still hope and still so much that we are being cared for and watched after by a power much bigger than we are. Miracles have not ceased.

#1's Weekly Email: Week #32

Week 24: Wala akong creative headings ngayon... Sayang naman

This week has been a good one. Not too much eventful happened. Kind of just a regular week. 

Monday, Sister L's birthday! Happy Birthday! Woohoo! Did you know, fun fact here, when Filippinos have their birthdays, they prepare food for everyone else and then tons and tons of people come over to their house and eat their food. A little bit different than what selfish Americans do haha joke-lang. Anyways, Monday was good. We had our normal P-day and got tons of stuff done and then went out to work. We went and taught Sister E who is a recently returned less-active but we like to visit her anyways. She's kind of creepy... She's old and lives alone in this huge house. She's also a big fan of fortune telling and Sister C's got some fun stories about her from when she and Sister S went and taught her one time. But anyways, it was a good lesson and we helped improve her day (her words, not mine) and yeah. And then we walked around a bit more and I2L-ed a bunch of people.

Tuesday: We walked around one part of San Pedro Palcarangan that we had never been in before. We went and contacted a lot more people too. We taught three new people named Sister Am, Sister J and Sister Ai. Sister Am is an older lady and she's had a really hard life too. Something about her daughter getting a "husband" when she was 14 years old and moving out? Not exactly sure because she was talking really fast. And then something else about something bad happening to her son (that one was not fun to hear about and I understood every part of it. Gonna spare you the details right now). I love being a missionary but sometimes I definitely feel like a psychiatrist. I get to hear about everyone's problems. And sometimes (especially with the older ones) they don't have anyone to talk to about their lives and so they just love to spill everything when they talk to us. So that was an interesting lesson but that's ok because we're gonna go back and try to help her. 

We also got to teach the girlfriend of Brother K, Sister M. She's awesome. She actually lived in Japan for 8 years with her last husband and she has 2 kids. And she tried to teach us a little bit of Japanese. I am so glad that I'm serving where I'm serving. That language is so flippin hard. She used to live about an hour north of Sendai. I forgot what the place was called. But anyways. We taught her lesson one and she got it all. She said that she believes that it's true and so we'll see where it goes from there. 

Wednesday: We went and taught Sister M again. She's another older lady who looooooooooooooooves to talk to us. Her kids are part of one of those new Filippino religions that has some very... how do I say this nicely... *interesting* beliefs. Well anyways, Sister M went to church with her kids last Sunday for the first time. After church she said that her daughter asked her how she felt... This was her reply. She felt like she was only a visitor there and then she said that she felt more from when "the mormons taught her because we cheer her up every time we teach her." YES. Point one for the Mormons haha We then proceeded to teach her about the Plan of Salvation and she said that she was grateful for us, that we always come and visit her. And that we are a blessing in her life. Well that definitely made us feel good :) We then walked to Dela Paz and taught a less-active who has a gambling problem and maybe some other problems. It's always a nice reminder for me that even though we're members of the true church, we're not perfect. Everyone has problems.... And our job, as missionaries is to help them fix their problems. Anyways, that was an interesting lesson too.

And then we went and taught Brother J who is a new investigator. He's 13 years old but he is tiny. Like tiny tiny tiny. When I first met him, I thought he was 8 years old. But anyways, he's awesome and we've been teaching him a little bit at a time so it gets stuck in his brain. 

Thursday was interesting because I got sick. I haven't been sick my whole mission but I guess it happens to everyone. We worked for 3 hours but something just wasn't right with me. I was freezing cold, and it was like I didn't have any energy at all. We I2L-ed and then we ended up coming home. I went straight to bed and slept for a really really long time. 

Friday was another sick day. I think I was just physically exhausted. My body couldn't take it anymore. So we got me some vitamin C and some rest and now I'm good as new. 

Saturday was a baptism day for Sister L and Sister J and Sister P. So of course, we went to support. But nothing ever starts on time here. I'm talking like an hour late... So we got to teach Brother J again, and then finally, the baptism started. It was great. It was the baptism for 2 teenage girls who are hilarious and the funniest thing is that they used to live in Masinloc in my old area haha weird... But yeah. AND Sister Ca came up for the baptism :) She brought us brownies from Manila. I almost died. They were like homemade ones! Like from America! :) Sooooo happy. Anyways, after the baptism, we went to the house of a less-active that we'd never met before. They're great and we committed them to come to church and said we were going to come pick them up.

Sunday: We went to the house of the less-active to pick them up and they were actually there. We've tried to do that in the past but they've always flaked on us. But there they were :) We all went to church together and then Brother R showed up and got confirmed. Me and Sister C have missed that guy. He's been working in Manila and he says he's exhausted. Well that's what happens when you get a new job.

After church we went around and taught lots more people. And then had a Family Home Evening. I love FHEs here because they're always soooooooooooo happy. 

But yeah. So that was my week. I guess it was pretty eventful and definitely fun. 

Thank you for all your love and support and prayers. This is the true church, and I'm where I need to be right now. 

Mahal ko kayo!

Until next week!

-Sister Hess

A Little Piece of Hesstory: The RUDEST American EVER!

The newest group of missionaries bound for Olongapo is in the air as I write this. How exciting!

As I think about this fact, it reminds me of my own arrival in the mission field. We were in the mission home in Sendai, Japan, for three days and then, at breakfast, if I'm recalling right, we were given our individual assignments. I was sent almost as far north as someone could go--to the city of Aomori. I had three different trains to travel on by myself. That, of course, meant two transfers.

image: commons.wikimedia.org

I remember over that breakfast, asking the mission president to write the kanji characters for the stations I would transfer at. When it came down to it, I didn't really need them because things were also written in English letters under the kanji.

I took it as a personal challenge to speak with anyone that sat near me. I also learned quickly that the Japanese nod when someone speaks to them to show encouragement and that they do a little "uh" kind of sound, sometimes referred to as the "affirmative grunt" when they're listening to someone else speak.

image: uts.edu.au

I remember watching a woman in a phone booth. As she spoke, she bowed over and over again as if the person on the other end of the phone was present.

These are all things I remember from sitting on the trains that day all those years ago. I believe the date would have been around July 20, 1989.

image: panoramio.com

When I arrived in Aomori, I was AMAZED. Everyone had told me that I was going to the "inaka," the countryside. So, I believed I would find rice paddies everywhere. I pictured the textbook Japanese countrysides from my social studies classes in middle and high school. That was SO not the case.

image: tripadvisor.com

As we pulled into the station, I was sure I'd made a wrong transfer, but I kept hearing what I swore was "Aomori" over the loud speakers. This HAD to be it. But there were tall buildings with neon lights. There were people everywhere. This was the Japanese inaka?

I pulled my three suitcases off the train and looked around for someone to come to retrieve me. There had to be a white face somewhere, but no. There was not.

Oh, my goodness! I had made a wrong transfer. I was SURE of it.

image: 123rf.com

Ahead of me was a very tall staircase. If I climbed those stairs, what would be on the other side? Could it be that my companion was waiting there? Every other station we had passed had easy access to waiting friends. Was this one different? I decided that not venturing would be foolish, and I wasn't sure I had the Japanese necessary to figure out how to board the next train back to Sendai, so venture, I did.

The next quandary....what to do with the three suitcases. There was no way I was going to be able to haul all three at the same time. It was then that I remembered that I was now in a much safer country than the one I left. I would take one at a time, leave it at the top and go down for the next. In all of this, I would hope and pray that what I'd heard about Japan was true--my things would be safe and untouched.

I began by hauling my smallest bag up. The stairs were SO narrow and there were so many of them. I left it at the top and went back for the middle-sized suitcase. As I neared the bottom step, a porter rounded the corner and asked if he could help me; at least, that's what I deduced.

He grabbed my biggest suitcase. It was HUGE. I felt bad that he had chosen that one and tried to trade him for the one I was carrying. No go.

As we hauled them up the stairs, he started to fall behind just a bit. I wanted to come across as polite and grateful, so I decided that I'd better say something. I picked my brain for just the right thing. It was decided. I was going to say, "It's heavy, isn't it?"

The words came out: "Osoi desu ne?"

I was so proud of myself, but the look on his face told me that something was wrong. What could it be?

I thanked him the best I knew how with "Arigatou gozaimasu" and worked my way around the corner. There, at the bottom of another flight of stairs, was my companion and a couple of Elders. I was SO glad to see them. I hadn't taken the wrong train after all. PHEW!

image: pinterest.com

Two days later, I sat down at my desk to study Japanese. I decided to review some adjectives. I came across the word for "heavy," "omoi." Wait....."OMOI?" That's not what I'd said that evening on the stairs of the train station. Oh, no! What had I said? I remembered; I said, "Osoi."

I quickly looked up "osoi." It's meaning: "slow."

image: pinterest.com

Instead of saying "It's heavy, isn't it?" I'd said, "You're slow, aren't you?"

UGH!!! NOOOO!

Such an auspicious beginning....STILL kicking myself.

It's a wonder I survived, isn't it? So glad that Japan is such a safe country.

Sacrifices of an Oldest Child

I am grateful for migraine medication. I mean, truly, how would I have survived all these years without it? I would have missed out on SO many days with my kids.

Last night was the first night in years that I didn't medicate a migraine. I didn't medicate on purpose, and I have my reasons, but the experience has made me so grateful for what I've got by way of treatment.

I tracked #1 until about 8:45 last night. We'd had Family Home Evening, where we'd encouraged the kids in their summer scripture reading, and then skipped off to the pool for some swimming. I love that they love to go, but I was more grateful, last night, for the moment when they hopped out. I was SO ready to go home.

I came home and curled up on my bed. One of the kids brought me an ice pack, and I put it on the base of my skull. I had forgotten that you can actually feel, with your hand, where the headache is. I had a couple of the kids "feel" my headache. It's kind of impressive, actually.

The Warden called the kids to family prayer and scripture study, and I, feeling a twinge of guilt at the bad example I was setting by not being there, didn't go. I fell asleep, which was a very good thing to do under the circumstances.

When the Warden came to bed, he announced: "She arrived in Tokyo." I mumbled my approval and fell back asleep immediately, head still throbbing.

I woke three different times during the night; each time, wondering if she'd arrived yet. Then, I looked out the window and realized it was too dark to be 6 or 7, so I went back to sleep.

Just a bit ago now, at 5am, I finally opened the computer to look at the tracker. She had an hour and six minutes left.

I posted that fact on Facebook and had an almost immediate comment from a dear friend who served in the Manila Mission a number of years ago. I loved her response. For me, back in those days, the final destination was four hours prior to hers. I was able to get off in Tokyo and have a short flight to my mission in Sendai. My journey was over. I can't even imagine that extra time. I asked my friend what she was experiencing when she landed. Here's what she said:

"I remember feeling gross, sweaty sticky exhausted from the flight, getting off the plane was scary everything was moving so fast I couldn't understand one thing after feeling like I had a little bit of skill from 9 weeks in the MTC we had to stand in lines checking all our documents and waiting for luggage it was just so strange not knowing anything that was happening. I don't even remember who helped us ! Then AP's showed up and we drove to the mission home q will have quite the experience hopping in a jeepny!"


I can't even imagine this world where my daughter will serve. An experience of a lifetime!

You know, sometimes you step back and take a moment to look at your kids not as your kids but as human beings, and honestly, they never cease to amaze me. #1, by nature, is so like her dad--mellow and go-with-the-flow. They somehow instinctively know that there is a greater power in charge and because of that, there is little need to worry. At least, that's what I've finally deduced. It's not that either of them have verbalized that fact, it's just that that's how it seems. That is what I expect will carry her through many of the things she will see, feel, and experience.

The idea that #1 knew what kind of place she was going is somewhat miraculous to me. I mean, of course, she knew she was going to the Philippines, but how would she know what that really meant? I'm sure she didn't and many surprises lie ahead, but how simply she packed and left behind things she used on a daily basis here, surprised and impressed me. No contacts, no make up, simple clothing....She's there to get down and dirty and get to work loving the Filipino people. Somehow, she knows exactly what she's getting into. Wow! I didn't know that this what I was raising--a girl who can leave it all behind to serve the Lord and His children.

I'm so excited to see what comes next. From what I understand from others, there should be an email with a photo from the Mission office after she arrives. I'm not really expecting that until the middle of the night, but is there really any question of me stalking my inbox today?

The headache hangs like a halo around my head this morning....Threatening to return at any bad move on my part. Such is the nature of migraines, but today, I will medicate. It's going to be a good day.

She arrives in eight minutes.

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#1's Weekly Email: Week #5

It's so funny to see #1 in jeans, as you'll see in her first picture. It is only on their Preparation Day (P-day) that they can move away from the usual dresses and skirts and Elders from suits.

Needless to say, these girls are EXCITED. They are now the oldest missionaries heading to their mission in the MTC. It's funny to think that somewhere in the Olongapo Mission some sister will be called to be #1's first companion. I really wonder what she'll be like. It used to be, from what I understand, that the North American missionaries had to have native companions. I'm curious to see if that's still the case.

I now get photos from Sister T. and Sister P., so that's super great! I love that they so willingly share. #1 did, however, take her own photos this week. She was lacking a card reader. There you go, parents who are preparing to send missionaries off in the future, don't forget a card reader that they can hook into the computers there at the MTC and upload their photos. I ordered her one and had it shipped to her, and now life is hunky dory.

Okay, so I put the most important things in bold lettering so you can cruise through this email if you don't have time to peruse its intricacies. The foreign words are in italics and are translated at the very bottom of the post.

 Here you go....

Enjoy!

Kumusta mga Pamilya ko!

How are you guys? Life here is just plain awesome. Wanna know why?! I got my travel plans!

We're flying from Salt Lake to San Fran to TOKYO! :D We get to spend TWO hours in TOKYO! I'M SO EXCITED! I'm going back to Japan :) Seriously I'm overjoyed. I'm gonna go eat a bunch of jumbos and a bunch of their chocolate bars and yup. That's how it's gonna be.

So on Tuesday, all the girls in my district played the funniest prank on my kasama. It was PERPEKTO. Sister W. pulled her shirt halfway over her own head and had her super long hair hanging out of the bottom and it looked like she had a beard. She makes the funniest faces ever. So while my kasama was in the shower, she went and sat on her bed and got under the covers. She was sitting on Sister T's pillow and was hiding behind the closet door. We turned off all the lights and sat by the door at the desk with the desk light on. Sister T finally showed up and put her clothes away and then turned to her bed. She kind of looked at the head of her bed for a second and then Sister W. chuckled and Sister T. jumped back a foot and then screamed. It was the Funniest Thing I have seen in such a long time.  Oh man I'm still laughing about it and it was days ago.

The other night we wanted to talk so Sister P., Sister S., Sister T., and I went out behind the MTC and talked and stargazed. It was awesome. We almost felt normal again for a second.

We're learning so much. We've kind of started reviewing things since we only have 9 days left here. It's crazy to think that we've already been here for a month. It totally flew by.

Every day we either have gym time where we go work our butt off or we go play piano.

Oh, I'll be buying a calling card and I'm gonna call you guys in when we're at the Salt Lake airport so be sure to be home on the 29th in the morning. At like 9-ish. Our flight leaves around 11:15.

I'll be sending home stuff I don't want to take to the Philippines with me this next week, ok? So if you get a package from me, that's what it is.

Our whole district gets to host the newbies this next Wednesday and Sister P. and Sister S. and Sister T. and I were chosen to be part of this teaching experience that they do ever Wednesday night for the newbies. They put all the newbies in different rooms but in huge groups and they have an "investigator" in there (they're really just converts that have interesting stories) and then a companionship comes in and starts the discussion with the "investigators" and then the newbies take over. It's gonna be awesome. And all the companionships that are chosen are recommended by their teachers. So that means that our teachers like us a lot and think that we'd be good examples for the new missionaries. No pressure or anything. Oh and another thing. We get to do it in English... pero we've only ever taught in Tagalog so we don't know how to do it in English! hahaha we'll see what happens. It's gonna be so fun.

Earlier this week some of the sisters and I got priesthood blessings from our elders. i'm so grateful that we're surrounded by the priesthood here. it's awesome. And that all these elders are worthy to hold it is pretty incredible too.

Ummm I think that's it. I'm definitely gonna write #5 this week and I might send him a t-shirt too (don't tell him that). When the email home to you said that "[T.] pointed [#4] out" or whatever it said, I was about to go all crazy white girl on T. hahaha good thing I didn't. Um you don't need to send cookies. I've got enough food over here... But if you could send me a jar of nutella and a box of cheezits I would love that. I think that's everything.

I love you guys and I miss you and I hope everything's going good at home.

Mahal kita!

-Sister Hess

p.s. I'll send you pictures of everything. Including our classroom, the drinking fountain in our building, and the bathroom.

Top left to bottom right (in #1's own words):

TOP ROW:

• Classroom: This is the room that I've been stuck in everyday for the last MONTH.
• Mga dink: One of our zone leaders favorite words is Dink. he calls us dinks all the time...
• Desks: These are mine and Sister T.'s desks.
• Birthday!: It was Sister P.'s birthday this last week. and behind the banner is the first vision and our purpose in Tagalog.

MIDDLE ROW:

• Air con: This is the air conditioning unit in our classroom. Every single day, I stand on my chair and close the vent cuz it's so freaking cold and my chair's right next to it....
• View: This is the view from our window. the sunsets are absolutely amazing here every single night.
• Hallway: This is the hallway right outside of our bathroom.
• Stairwell: This is the stairwell right outside of our hallway. We study here all the time, and it was out this window that Sister P and I saw President Monson :)

BOTTOM ROW:

• Drinking fountain!: This is our drinking fountain :)
• Bathroom: This is the bathroom in our building :) You said you wanted pictures of everything...
• Computer: This is the computer and tv that we use everyday in class.
• Computer lab: This is the computer lab where we do TALL (our language computer program. I absolutely hate it)

Tagalog-English Translation

Kumusta mga Pamilya ko: Hello, my family

Kasama: companion

Perpekto: perfect (probably didn't need to translate this one, huh?)

Mahal kita: I love you

Okay, I HAVE to share one more thing with you.....Today, among the photos #1 sent was this:

The caption read something like this:

"Our building is named after this cutie. His name is Heber C. Kimball, and this is his picture. Hehe"

Oh, my dear girl! This is the one leader of the early Church that you are, from what I understand, related to. "Hehe" is right.

#1's Weekly Email: Week #2

Prior to the letter there is a short sentence or two about the "bazillion" emails she received. This made her super happy.

I've changed the names to protect the innocent here.

***

Kumusta!

So this week (starting on Sunday) had its highs and lows. Everyday switched off.

Sunday was the devotional and that was obviously amazing. Sister P. (yes, mom the one that i'm friends with on FB from Cali) and I saw President Monson from our window in the building. We seriously spent the next 2 hours squealing :) We weren't in the choir because we got there a week too late otherwise all of us would have been in it just for fun :)

Monday was good but sobrang uneventful. Nothing really to report.

Tuesday, we had a devotional and that was probably the greatest thing ever. I've never felt the spirit that strongly. Sister Janice Kapp Perry spoke to us. That woman is sobrang amazing. She has so much spunk for a woman her age! I hope I get to be like her when I grow up. We sang so many Primary songs with her and she made a new version of the EFY medly but made it missionary style. She rewrote As Sisters in Zion and made a missionary version. Oh man I can't tell you how much I loved it.

So, funny story that happened. Sister Perry told us the first thing that her husband said to her. She was warming up her clarinet reed for an audition and he tapped her on the shoulder and she was like "what? I'm up next." and he said "Those lips look like they were made for something better than playing the clarinet." HAHAHA! And when she told us that he got up out of his chair, came over to her, and right in front of all of us, kissed her right on the lips! Oh man we were laughing so hard. All the elders started clapping and cheering and they even stood up. Sobrang hilarious.

Wednesday was another down day. Not much happened. Oh! but we did finally get to go back into the cafeteria and eat normally. Before, because of the new mission presidents, we had been eating in the gym. It wasn't as fun. The new kids showed up. Let me tell you, it is soooo nice to not be the new kids anymore. We actually know more than some people now!

Thursday was the last time we taught our investigator. She wasn't a real one, turns out she's our other teacher. But it was a really good lesson and we really felt the spirit. And yes we did speak Tagalog to her :)

Friday, yesterday, was pretty good too. Finally got a letter from L. telling me where he was going. I seriously think I jinxed him because I was so convinced that he was going to go Spanish-speaking. Heavenly Father just decided to be like "Oh joke-lang. He's going to Japan where he already knows that language." Sobrang jealous...

And finally today. We were all going to get up and do the yoga class that they have for the sisters at 6 am but when the alarm went off, one of us got up to turn it off and then we all just kept on sleeping. We slept until7:15... It was so nice though. All of us needed it. We're going to the temple today :D We go do a full endowment session with all of our zone and it's so amazing. I seriously love having p-days on Saturday, it's like having an actual weekend.

So mom asked about the food. Some of it is good and some of it is not so good. Sister T. and I have learned to scope out the cafeteria before we pick what we're going to eat. Last night they ordered Papa John's pizza for all of us. It was soooo good. Wednesdays and Fridays they have ice cream from the BYU Creamery. Oh I love it here :)

Oh! Sister S. (a sister in my district) showed me an awesome Ezra Taft Benson quote and I want to share it with you guys.

"I have often said one of the greatest secrets of missionary work is work! If a missionary works he will get the spirit; if he gets the spirit he will teach by the spirit; and if he teaches by the spirit he will touch the hearts of many and he will be happy. There will be no homesickness, no worrying about families, for all time, and talents, and interests will be centered on the work of the ministry. Work, work, work - there is no satisfactory substitute, especially in missionary work."

Oh and I should probably tell you that after a week all of us are becoming quite awkward. We don't touch each other at all and we saw a couple of people walking around the MTC holding hands. It was so weird and we all looked at each other like, "Is that ok?" hahaha can't wait to see how we are after 1.5 years.... :)

Ok so Mom, in that package that you send me can you put a bunch of my sheet music in it? I want all the Les Mis and Phantom and my disney book and my Jon Schmidt book. And Only Hope and the Transformers theme song and Hallelujah please :) If you could do that that would be awesome.

Time to go write some more people back.

Mahal Kita!!!

Have fun and be safe. The church is true!

-Sister Hess

***

We also received four pictures. Here is one of #1's MTC district:

#1's companion is the sister in the pink skirt. Three of the young men are Elders. The fourth, I believe it's the one farthest to the right, is their teacher. All of the girls are heading to the same mission. The Elders are all going to the Cavite Mission, if I'm remembering correctly.

Oh, and I just shipped her the package of items she requested last week. Ah well. Sheet music, how hard can that be?

Translation:

  Kumusta = hello

  Sobrang = a lot; really

  Lang = only

  Mahal kita = I love you

Oh, and yes, she actually did sign it "Sister Hess."

Writing My Requiem

image credit: pippinmovies.blogspot.com

Have you ever watched the movie Amadeus? The film about the life of Mozart? I don't know how historically accurate it is, but it, near the end, promotes the idea that Mozart died as he wrote a requiem, a mass for the dead, for an unknown person--an individual who comes to his door in a mask and pays him a large sum of money to do it. This experience haunts him so much because of the recent death of his father, with whom he had a love/hate relationship, that it induces and leads to his own death. Mozart works tiringly, night and day, to complete the project. Here is a scene:





By the title of this post, I am not foretelling my own death. I don't plan on dying any time soon, but in many ways I feel like Mozart. In a very real way, In regard to how I choose to deal with my current situation, I could be driving nails into my own coffin.

image credit: http://omogun.webs.com

I have been working on a project with a gentleman I have never met. We have spoken on the phone a few times. I have been commissioned to "rework" an emergency preparedness document.

If any of you know me, I tend to be a bit driven. When I feel passionate about something, I go for it. After the experience in Japan, this is definitely something I feel more than strongly about. I feel honored to be asked to work on such a project. In many ways, I feel that it's yet another step in a journey I'm already on and have been for quite some time. I feel drawn to it.

image credit: http://phantasytour.com

Here's the thing, though. The deadline for completion is past and has been reset. The gentleman has been forgiving (hmm...a lot like Mozart); for which I'm grateful, but do I foresee the end of this project? At this point, to be honest, no. It's completely overwhelming me. It is a lengthy document and requires a lot of rewriting. I have been chipping away. It was easiest to start with the lists but now that the lists are somewhat in order, I have to jump into the meat of it. There is no avoiding it.

Each day, from the beginning of this project, I have woken at 4:30am and gone to bed at 11:30pm, at the earliest. I don't work on it all day, I work a bit at nap times and when I can steal a moment here or there, but early in the morning and late at night, there I am. I have missed meetings because of it. In some ways, I've rearranged my life around it.

Most of this time, I'm not being paid for. That was part of our agreement. Am I happy about that? I will refrain from comment at this time, but I feel that this document has become my project for my own learning. I will finish it. I'm determined. Only, here's the problem....

Let's go back to Mozart.

image credit: geolocation.ws

I got up yesterday morning and knew I was going to have to go at this differently. I, before I started to write, got to my knees. I expressed my frustration--I feel like I'm in a very confusing tunnel and am not able to find the way out. I prayed for direction and inspiration to know what to write.

I got into my chair, logged in, and opened the document. I started to write. As I wrote, I suddenly recognized the feeling I was having. GUILT. It was a feeling of shame. It was a feeling of hypocrisy.

image credit: informl.com

Am I prepared for an emergency? No. Yes, I have 72-hour kits out waiting in wheeled garbage cans in my garage. Yes, I have some food storage to hold my family over in the event of an emergency, but I'm not even a portion of the way there. To be honest, this idea so overwhelms me that it's to the point of inaction. I'm drowning in it just like I'm drowning in this document.

So, I fought through it and continued to write. The ideas that came to my head were these....

• Obedience must be the focus. Just do it to obey God.
• It's not too late to start being obedient.
• It's a lifetime commitment. You're never done, so it needs to become a daily focus.
• Baby steps are all that's required, but consistent baby steps are key.
• You must have a plan--but where to start? (This is my biggest problem).
• God desires my success (1 Nephi 3:7)
• Because of the previous point, every effort, no matter how small, will be rewarded.

This document in no way justifies my current existence, so it is very uncomfortable to write. The previous version of this book was very condemning to those, such as me, who weren't actively, or maybe I should say were half-heartedly, involved in preparing for the future. As I write, I feel despair, so as I rewrite, I rework it and interject words of hope. I add encouragement because as I write and feel pulled down, I feel impressions that bring me back up....Up to the point of knowing that I must do something. Anything....daily.

image credit: brainandevolution.squarespace.com

Any step in the right direction, no matter how small, is just that....a step in the right direction.

So, before I went to bed last night, I straightened the kitchen. As I did so, I pondered on the document I'd just been working on, and the impression came to do something. HaHa! Yah, right. What was I going to do at that time of night?

image credit: nationalgeographic.com

My eyes fell on the empty bottle from the apple juice we'd drunk at dinner. There it was sitting on the counter waiting to be washed out and recycled. Then it occurred to me that there were two others sitting at the top of the recycling bin under the sink. The one on the counter had a lid. The other two did not. I remember throwing one of them away earlier and #4 had already taken the garbage out for the day. No matter. I would wash them all because that's what I felt I should do.

I washed them and filled the first with water and put the lid on. Sure, the quandary of no lids for the others really tempted me to put them back where I'd gotten them from, but I thought I'd fill them with water anyway, what the heck? I was almost done filling the second when something caught my eye. I looked down at my feet. There, on the floor, sticking out from under the fridge, was a lid. I don't know, am I just lucky? Or could it maybe go with one of the principles above? I know what I think, but some people think I'm nuts because I think that way--thus the "madhouse" theme of this blog. One person's madness is another person's miracle.

image credit: rosemaryl.blogspot.com

So, am I writing my requiem? If I continue to write and do nothing about what I'm writing, then yes, I believe I am, but if I am wise and take all that I'm writing and do just what it says....Then, I am blessing my own life and that of my family. Not only that, but I believe in the points I've shared above. I believe in prophecy--ancient and modern. I believe these are the "last days," and I believe that hard times are upon us and harder times are ahead. Do I hide under a rock and hope it goes away? That's where I've been, but the time has come to change. It's time to "awake and arise." I'm pretty sure, because of past experience, that if I can move ahead even in just my little baby steps, there will be miracles as God meets me on the path and moves me ahead to the next step. I've seen in before; there's no doubt He wants to see me succeed.

image credit: begreeninfo.com

I will make sure that my fate and Mozart's are very, very different, but I'm the one that chooses that. The ability to change my fate may lie in something as simple as an empty apple juice bottle.