|image credit: pippinmovies.blogspot.com|
By the title of this post, I am not foretelling my own death. I don't plan on dying any time soon, but in many ways I feel like Mozart. In a very real way, In regard to how I choose to deal with my current situation, I could be driving nails into my own coffin.
|image credit: http://omogun.webs.com|
I have been working on a project with a gentleman I have never met. We have spoken on the phone a few times. I have been commissioned to "rework" an emergency preparedness document.
|image credit: http://phantasytour.com|
Each day, from the beginning of this project, I have woken at 4:30am and gone to bed at 11:30pm, at the earliest. I don't work on it all day, I work a bit at nap times and when I can steal a moment here or there, but early in the morning and late at night, there I am. I have missed meetings because of it. In some ways, I've rearranged my life around it.
Most of this time, I'm not being paid for. That was part of our agreement. Am I happy about that? I will refrain from comment at this time, but I feel that this document has become my project for my own learning. I will finish it. I'm determined. Only, here's the problem....
Let's go back to Mozart.
|image credit: geolocation.ws|
I got into my chair, logged in, and opened the document. I started to write. As I wrote, I suddenly recognized the feeling I was having. GUILT. It was a feeling of shame. It was a feeling of hypocrisy.
|image credit: informl.com|
So, I fought through it and continued to write. The ideas that came to my head were these....
- Obedience must be the focus. Just do it to obey God.
- It's not too late to start being obedient.
- It's a lifetime commitment. You're never done, so it needs to become a daily focus.
- Baby steps are all that's required, but consistent baby steps are key.
- You must have a plan--but where to start? (This is my biggest problem).
- God desires my success (1 Nephi 3:7)
- Because of the previous point, every effort, no matter how small, will be rewarded.
This document in no way justifies my current existence, so it is very uncomfortable to write. The previous version of this book was very condemning to those, such as me, who weren't actively, or maybe I should say were half-heartedly, involved in preparing for the future. As I write, I feel despair, so as I rewrite, I rework it and interject words of hope. I add encouragement because as I write and feel pulled down, I feel impressions that bring me back up....Up to the point of knowing that I must do something. Anything....daily.
|image credit: brainandevolution.squarespace.com|
Any step in the right direction, no matter how small, is just that....a step in the right direction.
So, before I went to bed last night, I straightened the kitchen. As I did so, I pondered on the document I'd just been working on, and the impression came to do something. HaHa! Yah, right. What was I going to do at that time of night?
|image credit: nationalgeographic.com|
I washed them and filled the first with water and put the lid on. Sure, the quandary of no lids for the others really tempted me to put them back where I'd gotten them from, but I thought I'd fill them with water anyway, what the heck? I was almost done filling the second when something caught my eye. I looked down at my feet. There, on the floor, sticking out from under the fridge, was a lid. I don't know, am I just lucky? Or could it maybe go with one of the principles above? I know what I think, but some people think I'm nuts because I think that way--thus the "madhouse" theme of this blog. One person's madness is another person's miracle.
|image credit: rosemaryl.blogspot.com|
|image credit: begreeninfo.com|