What's Up With the Hearts?!

For #1's Valentine's package this past February, I asked people to write messages to her, and I glued them onto hearts that I cut out of cute paper. The paper has been sitting on a shelf high up in my closet ever since. It has gone untouched.

Last week, I was having a really hard time feeling motivated toward anything. It may just have to do with the idea that it's summer, and I'm adjusting to a new way of doing things, but I knew I had to do some major housework and had to get the kids involved.

I created a list and pulled the kids in, and once things got moving, we were in good shape.

I started in on my jobs. I went into my room to fold some laundry. When I turned to walk back out, there was a tiny heart cut from the cute paper on my bedroom floor.

I went into the laundry room to throw another load in, and as I walked back into the bedroom, there in the hall just outside my bedroom was another heart.

I went into the bathroom to scour the toilet. I came back out, and guess what….Yep, yet another heart.

This actually went on until there were five of them. Weird!

As I shared in my last post, I'm trying to make prayer figure more and more into my daily struggles. I'd been up for a couple hours this morning and decided that prayer was necessary. I went to my closet and knelt in a place where I usually don't. Before I closed my eyes, I glanced in front of my nose, and there were three tiny paper hearts.

So funny! I guess someone's trying to show me some love. HaHa!

Ten Random Minutes: Blessings of Being a Missionary Mom

I have so much to share, but I sit down, and it overwhelms me. There is so much! So many miracles and tender mercies that I've witnessed. How do I capture it all? If I only write part and then drop the ball, will I remember it later? At this point, because I haven't been writing, I fear that I've forgotten so much already. I feel that I won't do what's happened justice.

Well, I'm going to go for it. Believe it or not, where I am in life right now requires that I set myself a timer. I can't neglect my other duties by sitting here and writing for too long, but I'm going to trust that as I write, details will come back to me, and I will trust that ten measly minutes will be enough to say what needs to be said. There will be ten minutes more tomorrow.


Seriously, I don't know where to begin.

Awhile back, I mentioned my daughter's mission and how it has brought blessings. I really want to expound upon that, so that you can understand and so that I have a record of just what blessings I've been aware of. Many of these blessings include others. I have not spoken to these people to get their permission to use their names, so for now, I will merely describe them and their roles in these things that have happened. If you know that one of these people I describe is you, and you don't mind my using your name, please contact me.

I don't know if I ever shared how much I doubted as I sent in my papers for my own mission. I really wondered if it was the right path for me. I am the kind of person who wants to know "why" about everything. It's just my nature. Once I understand why, I move forward whole-heartedly. Back all those years ago, I didn't know why. I prayed and moved forward, never really receiving the confirmation that what I was doing was right. I never got the "no" either, so I continued.

All these years later, I see the difference. As a mom to a missionary, I feel her pains and her joys. I feel them deeply, empathetically. I understand. I also trust in the learning process that she is experiencing. Been there; done that. I don't doubt that she feels tuggings in her heart to do certain things and to turn from other things. Knowing my daughter, I understand that she is much better at this than I ever was, and it makes me so happy to have that assurance.

I also understand that our trip to Japan together was inspired. I now understand at least part of the why of that. She needed to go for both of us. As for me, I needed to see her in action. I needed to see how she responded to this new situation in a new country. I needed to see her adapt and strive to learn the language (even if only for a very short time). I needed to see her knit together with a people that were foreign to her. She didn't let the language become a barrier. She served with all her heart. She was willing to sacrifice her own comfort for theirs.

I have no doubt that she is where she is supposed to be now. Unlike me, she doesn't need to know the whys of this call. She knows strongly that she is where she is supposed to be. I am so pleased with this. She is made of far tougher stuff than I ever was.

With this, her call, have come opportunities for service for our whole family. They have been like seeds that are gradually planted but quickly grow and bloom. This is where it becomes hard to write. Which do I start with? How do I transmit, through writing, the nature of these things so that you understand that none of these really have anything to do with me…..I didn't start them. Well, in some cases, most cases, it was a matter of walking forward and finding myself involved in something that has evolved into something much larger…..In short, miracles. They weren't planned. They just moved--like walking into a dark room and the automatic light turns on, and you find that you're surrounded with amazing things you weren't aware even existed.


Here is a short list of what I want to cover in these 10 minute sessions:
packages
Facebook groups
Tacloban
Tacloban missionaries
brothers


My 10 minutes is up for today. I'm thinking this is going to be therapeutic. So many things have been swirling around my head lately. I need to get them out.

Lately, I have been feeling that there is so much evil growing in this world. For the bulk of society to deny the existence of an evil force is dangerous. Somehow, this seems to make his influence grow. The only thing I can compare it to is kind of like at the end of a cartoon, you know how the screen darkens and a large circle of light shrinks around the final scene? That's how this feels.

I have had so many frustrating things I've wanted to write about--stupid things society is choosing to do, but I have decided that my energy is better focused keeping that circle from shrinking too quickly. I feel like I need to reach inside and keep my hand there on the good to keep the circle from closing never to reopen. If enough of us can cling to the good that still exists, it won't close completely.

So, I will share these things that have brought me so much joy these past few months. I will share the good that still exists, and more than anything else, I will share that there is still hope and still so much that we are being cared for and watched after by a power much bigger than we are. Miracles have not ceased.

Let's Start with Spaghetti

Before you read the post below, read this.




Just before heading to the MTC, #1's friend had a family move in with them. It just so happens that that family was from the Philippines.

Random? Okay, yah, I agree.

Wait….It gets better.

They were living with this friend's family until they could find a place of their own, and they did….In our ward boundaries (for those who may not know, a "ward" is an LDS congregation. What ward you are in is determined by where you live). At one point, I had heard that our ward has the smallest geographical boundaries in the state of Oregon. Whether that's still true or not, I don't know, but for them to just happen to find a place in our small boundaries?….Yah, random.

Then, okay, maybe not so random….I am made the wife's visiting teacher (in the LDS church, a visiting teacher is assigned to each woman to check in and make sure everything's good for the family. It's kind of like an assignment to be someone's friend. Strange? Yah, okay, but you really do end up being friends, and it's a lovely thing). So, you kind of get the picture of what my assignment is here. Well, my assignment has turned into a joy.

I have to admit, the first time I visited with her, I was nervous. We had chatted back and forth on Facebook a few times, but I really didn't have any experience with her, and I had to take #7 with me.

From the moment she opened her door, it became SUCH a SWEET visit. She even embraced my lively and wiggly four-year-old in her kindness. I couldn't wait to go and be with her again. I am grateful that I was the one who was chosen for this assignment. She has become my good friend.

The other night was her birthday. I went to take her a little something. The Warden waited in the car while #6 and I ran it in to her.


This woman invited us in and sat us down and fed us spaghetti. Not like American spaghetti or Italian spaghetti, but Filipino spaghetti. It was SO DELICIOUS!

We left with a big bowl full for the Warden. She had to share.


Knowing what I know now, is it any wonder #1 loves who she serves?


Yesterday we got word that #1 has been transferred to a new city. I received a letter stating the facts of her transfer. I want to share a line from that letter.

We were told where she will be serving and that it is a wonderful place, and then it goes on to say this:

"…The people are loving and kind, and you will also find the people to be hospitable….The members there are supportive with regards to missionary work and they are always excited to work with the Missionaries and involve themselves to the work."

These are the kind of people my daughter rubs shoulders with, and these are the kind of people I now rub shoulders with as well.

Can you see how this is not random? This is a small part of a much bigger picture. This is my life now. It's so different from what it once was.


There is one more significant detail to this story…..

Before you send a child to a foreign country, people tell you about the culture, the food, other little details. You don't really know what to expect.

So, in my first email to #1 after she arrived in the Philippines, I asked her about the food. Her response?…


"Sister E made spaghetti for us! Oh it was the best spaghetti I've ever eaten. reminded me of home."


Funny our parallel lives on opposite sides of the globe. Best spaghetti I've ever eaten. Reminded me of her.


People said there would be great blessings for sending #1 on a mission. I just had no idea.

Maybe you begin to agree with me….None of this is random.

I Hope It's Not Too Late

Driving in the car the other morning thinking about spaghetti…..Tears start to form in the outer edges of my eyes…..Why? It's just spaghetti, for heaven's sake. And REALLY GOOD spaghetti at that. Nothing worth crying about. That's for sure.

Sitting at the intersection, waiting at the light. Waiting to turn left. Listening to #1's music. That wasn't making me cry either, and I have to say, in my own defense, that I wasn't really "crying," just tearing up. Crying includes sobbing and tears flowing rather rapidly out of the inner corners of my eyes near my nose. Believe me, I'm a cryer, I know what it's all about.

No, these were tears forming in the outer edges, and no sounds were coming out of me at all. They were just suddenly there.


Then, this song comes on:






I've heard this song dozens of times, and although I probably sing along with the chorus each time it comes on--I'm a car singer, what can I say? I never really listened to the words until it collided with thoughts about spaghetti.

While this song plays, I start to understand the tears…..I am sitting in the middle of something significant. The little day by day things all add up into something I'm just now starting to understand. It's big. Bigger than I understand in my daily comings and goings. The cumulative effect is a bit overwhelming. How did I get here?….

Line upon line. That's how.

But because they've come on so subtly, I haven't written about them.

Is it too late? Do I really remember (with my lousy, middle-aged, brain-too-full memory) all of the important details? Do I recall enough to help someone else understand just what's happened? Do I even fully comprehend all of the little bits and pieces that have added to this larger picture?

Yes, I'm doubting my abilities. And then there's this...If I write about them, will they stop?


Well, let's begin with spaghetti…..

Bumping into Blessings

You know….Life is AMAZING right now. Wish I could capture in words the fulness of my heart--Just SO grateful!

On Thanksgiving, I was driving in the car with my dad. I was sharing with him all of the incredible things going on, and he asked if I'd written them down. Oh, how I love that man!

image: supportblueridge.org

Things have been happening so fast and furiously that I really haven't taken the time. I want to. I really do, but the other thing is so many of these recent experiences have an interesting cumulative effect. If I write about them piece by piece, you might not see the full picture. It's all just astounding.

image:
italiangirlingeorgia.blogspot.com

I was talking to the kids in senior Primary (ages 8 to 11) last Sunday, and I asked them if they ever have the experience where they get an idea and then that idea is like a magnet, and it seems like everything they see or hear or do is pulled into that first idea with its magnetic pull. I was surprised at how many nods I got from those kids. Even at their young ages, they knew exactly what I was talking about.

image:
juliashinklephotography.com

People told me, when #1 left, that there would be great blessings to our family. You know, to hear that, you just kind of nod. I mean, how else do you respond to words like that? But, honestly, I had no idea.

Crazy how much my life bumps into the Philippines these days…..I mean even to the point of walking in the grocery store yesterday and having people walk by me on their cell phones speaking Tagalog….There are little reminders (and BIG reminders) EVERYWHERE….every day.

I honestly think you'd be shocked to walk in my shoes right now. My life is truly blessed, and I am extremely grateful.

At this point, I'm not sure where to begin with recounting the experiences of these past few months. I know that the things I publish will become too long for a simple blog post, but I'm going to give it a go. I have to. I mean, my dad's expecting me to write them down.

What Happens in the Closet

Tonight, I had a chance to sit and talk with our Bishop for a bit. He's a great guy! As I spoke with him, I suddenly remembered something that had happened awhile back that was somewhat miraculous. I didn't share that story with him, but as it came into my mind, I thought, "Oh, I hope I wrote that down somewhere." But, I don't think I did. DARN!

Now that I'm home, I can't even remember what it was.

Just after that experience came into my mind, there was another that I remembered as something I hadn't written down. I've had the chance to share it with my family, and I think I shared it with the Primary kids in my ward, but I don't think, like the other experience, that I ever wrote it down anywhere, so tonight's the night. Here we go.....


Let me preface this with some details....This took place in what I recall was January of this year. #1 had been in a bit of a fender bender. It was enough of a fender bender that our beloved Suburban was going to be totaled. We had to pay a $500 deductible because of the accident. I think we were taking it easy on her because she was preparing for a mission, but because #1 was involved, we felt that she should pay at least half of that deductible.

Here was the snag, though. #1 was nearly ready to turn her mission papers in. We had figured that all the money she had earned, to this point, was dedicated to her mission, and she still had a bit more to earn to reach the amount she needed to cover the entire 18 months. If she had to pay that deductible, she would have to work longer. The concern: Would she have time?

Okay, now onto the story....

One morning that January, dark and early, I got up and got in the shower. When I was done showering, I threw on some clothes and then went to comb my hair, but....there was no comb to be found.

I considered turning on some lights and looking around for a brush or comb, but then thought better of it. Plus, the scriptures were waiting, and knowing myself as I do, I knew if I allowed myself to be sidetracked, that time would be gone for the day, and it wouldn't happen. I wondered what Heavenly Father would want me to do. I didn't have to think on that long to know the answer.

I grabbed my laptop and found a spot on my bedroom floor. I sat there with the laptop on my lap and opened the Internet to the scriptures. As I read, I came across this verse in 3 Nephi:


"But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father who is in secret; and thy Father, who seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly" (3 Nephi 13:6).


My mind got stuck on this verse. I couldn't leave it without doing something about it, so I went just a few feet away and climbed into my closet. Now, I don't have a fancy walk-in closet. I have one that's roughly 2 1/2 feet deep and about seven feet wide. It has two sliding doors. It's a bit snug in there with all the clothes hanging down and the shelves, but it's not terrible. I shut the doors, and nobody knows where I am. It's pretty sweet. No one would imagine that I would go in there.

While there, I knelt and prayed. I prayed about a bunch of stuff. It was all very important to me at the time.

After I finished praying, I felt that I should jot down some of the things I'd felt. I needed a pen and paper, so I quietly opened the closet door and headed toward my bedside table on the far side of the room. As I headed toward the bed, I felt that I should grab my computer bag that was sitting there, but then talked myself out of it because I felt sure that there was a greater chance that the things I needed would be on the table.

It ended up that they were not, so here I was again in the quandary about turning on lights.

I rounded the side of the bed again, and again, felt that I should grab that computer bag....What did I have to lose?

I snagged it and sat down on the floor. I opened the flap and slipped my hand inside. The first thing I felt was a plastic package. I pulled the package out and there, to my surprise, was a bag full of combs. Combs of all sizes. What?! Combs in my computer bag? Why? Had I put those there? If so, when? Very strange.

I grabbed a comb out and ran it through my then partially dried hair. As I did so, I realized that a comb had been just what I'd needed that morning. I had sacrificed orderly hair without snags for doing what I felt God wanted me to do.

Sound silly to anyone else? I kind of chuckled to myself when I realized what had really just happened, but said a little silent prayer of thanks as I worked to detangle my hair.

How strange that He knew such a simple need and then provided it. The location of those combs made it that much more significant. I mean, I may do some pretty bizarre things, but I just can't figure out where those combs would have come from or how they got there.

I reached further into the bag and pulled out a small pile of random papers. I thumbed through them. About three or four pages in, I found something that again, gave me reason to pause and consider.

Amongst those papers was a check. The check was dated March 22, 2011. Weird. Certainly, I'd been through this bag since that time, but maybe not. My purse was stolen on March 21st that year, so I must have placed it in there because I had no purse to place it in, and I wanted to make absolutely certain that that check was put in a safe place.

Here's the extra strange thing....The check was for $225, and it was made out to....#1!

#1 was all signed up to run track that year but because of an injury, shortly after the season started, she had to bow out. That check was her reimbursement from the school. It would be what she would need to give her an enormous leg up on paying off the insurance deductible.

Again, a prayer of thanks and a great understanding that even though those weren't things I had prayed for that morning, just the little bit of obedience of climbing in that closet to pray brought about things that were needed most.

Let me just tell you, prayer works.


"But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father who is in secret; and thy Father, who seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly" (3 Nephi 13:6).

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My Heaven-sent Birthday Present

I had been feeling the push to get out and exercise, so last year, for my birthday, I wanted only one thing....a Nike+ Sportband. #1 had one, and I thought it would be so much more encouraging to exercise if I was able to track my progress.

The birthday envelopes limit how extravagant a birthday can be, and I knew this, but that was the ONLY thing on my list.

If you're not aware of just what a Nike+ Sportband is, let me give you a quick illustration.....

image: sportshoes.com

It's basically a watch. You wear the band on your wrist, but there is a chip (I don't know what it's officially called, but for now that will do) that is oval-ish in shape. The chip needs to attach to your shoe in order to keep track of your workout.

image: reodeekay.wordpress.com

They have shoes in which you can place the chip. They have a little compartment under the insole in the actual sole of the shoe. You slide the chip in, and voila. You're ready to go. But, you can also place the chip in a little pouch you can purchase and attach it to your shoelaces.

When you leave on a run, or in my case a walk, you hold down the
button on the band. The chip tracks how far you've gone, how many calories you've burned, and other important information while you exercise.

When you return, you slip the actual watch unit from the band itself and slide the USB into your computer. It reads the information and reports it to you in the form of a graph. It also keeps track of such things as how many workouts you've done during time periods, how far you've gone altogether, and how fast you were moving during your workout.

image: watchreport.com

Can you blame me for wanting one of these?

Well, this was going to cost the entire birthday budget. I would just attach the chip to my shoelaces. That was the plan, but I have to be honest, I was fearful the chip would fall off, and I'd be unable to use the band anymore without going out and buying a replacement chip.

My birthday is in April. I told the Warden my desire in February. In early March, a friend approached me. She said she'd cleaned out her closet and found a number of pairs of shoes, some of which had never been worn. What shoe size was I, and would I be interested in the shoes?

Of course!

A few days later, she brought me a few pairs of brand new shoes. I pulled them out and tried them on. Among these was a pair of tennis shoes. With my goal to exercise, I was very happy for these.

When #1 got home from work that evening, I showed her the shoes I'd inherited. She turned them over and looked at the sole...."Mom, do you know what this means?" She pointed at a symbol on the bottom of the shoe.

It looked like this:

image: thestrengthinside.com

"These are shoes that are set up for a Sportband."

In other words, these shoes I had just so kindly been given had the spot in the sole for the chip. No WAY!

So, here I was awaiting my birthday and a VITAL part of using the only thing I wanted had just showed up. My friend had no clue what I had asked for for my birthday. After talking to her and thanking her for the shoes later on, I shared with her why these shoes were so significant. It turns out that she wasn't aware of just what that symbol meant or that these shoes had that capability.

I had received what I felt were gifts from heaven before. I think with this many chance occurrences that happen in my life, luck is no longer a practical reason for this kind of thing to happen. 

I got the idea that I wasn't the only one who wanted me exercising. 

We went out later and used the birthday budget. I've been exercising ever since.

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Who Says There Isn't a God?

I am alone. Not just alone, alone, but ALONE!

Mind you, I've been alone before and even in the past couple weeks...I think, but this is one of those do-whatever-you-want-you're-a-free-woman kind of alones. Yes, a blissful yet somewhat disconcerting, I've-been-raising-kids-for-so-long-I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-myself, moment.

So, what do I choose to do? Cookies are in the oven. Laundry's spinning itself around happily, and I choose to sit back and write.

Then the problem....what to write about?

I feel like it's been so long since I've sat down just to write for fun that my brain is plumb out of ideas. I'm so glad I made my list and posted it the other day, but as I reread that list, I think I want to go a completely different route.

I need to share my latest tender mercy. Well, mine, but not mine. Here, let me explain.....

A couple weeks ago, someone in my ward asked me how #1 was doing. We stood and chatted for a bit, and this woman, who had seen a son off on a mission shared a few things with me. One was that there were times while her son was gone that she felt that something was wrong but there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. When she would communicate with her son about these experiences, he would verify that yes, her feelings were accurate. She shared a rather vivid example of this with me.

It really was a passing conversation with this woman, but now, I can see that her comments on that day were important for me.

Week before last, I woke up one morning, and I just felt that something wasn't right. The more I pondered on it, the clearer the situation became. #1 had a problem, and surprisingly, I knew JUST what it was. How would I know that? Even now I ask that.

The reality struck me that there was nothing I could do but write to her and encourage her. I sat down and composed an email. Later that day, I wrote another. As I wrote, I knew I was either completely off-base or I was right on track, but this being #1, and knowing how our relationship is, I knew she'd roll with it. She'd either laugh, shake her head and roll her eyes, or she'd gain strength and move forward as needed.

After I sent the second email, the feelings simmered down. I worried no more. All I could do, I'd done.

Yesterday, I finally learned the truth....those emails had helped her gain some strength at a time when she really needed it.

I questioned her about my emails. She said they had "helped a lot." In response to this, I told her: "There is no doubt that Heavenly Father's aware of you.....I mean, I knew there were issues ... I really had no reason to know that. I just woke up one morning and felt URGENT about it."

Her response: "it was definitely an urgent thing...It's much better now though."

She shared how she dealt with what was going on. She had to step completely out of her usual easy-going ways and face it head on. I'm so proud of her. I can also see how this was a vital step in her growth and development.

I am so grateful to know that she's being watched over. She shared a few other tender mercies that came her way this past week that made life that much better.

There are those who scoff and say that there isn't a God. How could I ever side with them when things like this happen over and over in my life, and not just in my life, but in the lives of those I love?

Next time things get tough, I want to remember this. I guess that's why I needed to write it today.

So, I'm off again...The cookies are done. The last load of laundry's in. Time to get dinner in the crockpot and get ready for kids to return home.

Someday I'm going to get used to having time to myself again. Then, maybe I'll do more than just write, do laundry and make cookies, but for now, that has to be good enough.

What I'm Learning About Cheerfulness

I believe I wrote in my gratitude post this morning that I've been struggling lately. But seriously, what would life be without struggles, right? Anyway, I took a different stance this morning. I got up and felt the same as I have for days. I decided to pray about the specific things that are concerning me--yet again. There have been no answers lately, but when I got up off my knees, I decided that maybe I needed to keep better track, so this post is a compilation of today's thoughts and lessons. These are the impressions that popped into my mind and heart as I went about today's work.

Looking back now, I'm surprised at just how many answers there were.

I kept my laptop on the counter in the kitchen as I did the dishes and made pancakes for breakfast. As I did something that made me happier, I jotted it down quickly and then got back to work.

The things listed here are what occurred prior to 2:00 this afternoon. After that time, I decided to run the kids to the park and let them run through the fountain. I guess we could add run around and do fun stuff  to the list, but life got to bustling after that, so here's my list of cheerfulness:


A little lesson for myself.....

• Music matters. Something peppy--sing along and sing loud. Dancing's even better.



image: vinylartsa.com

• I decide the weather. It doesn't matter what my situation, but in my home, it is of particular importance. You know the old saying, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Well, that's true. The converse is also true. If momma's happy, everyone's happy.

image: wobm.com

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate.It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming” (Haim G. Ginott).

• Appearance matters. Wear something that makes you look good. Today, I wore a blouse and my happy green sweater with the white polka dots. I put my hair up and now I'm in search of some happy earrings.
• Have a routine.
• Pray--on your knees out loud.
• Pray more--in your heart ALL the time. Any time you speak with someone, pray in your heart right before.
• Don't get sucked in. Stick with your routine. Don't get caught up on the small stuff--like finding those happy earrings. If you can't find them, put on a glittery necklace or bracelet and call it all good. Now, on the other hand, if a child wakes up or one leaves the house, leave what you're doing to be there to greet or send him/her off.
• Tell yourself "It's good."
• Keep counting your blessings. When you see something good, cling to it.
• No excuses. Recognize those excuses and rationalizations for what they are.
• Insist that the kids help out. If they've left a mess and you know who left the mess, make sure they clean it up.
• Don't get overwhelmed. Use a timer.
• Don't fall into the habit of yelling across the house for any reason (unless the house is on fire, of course).
• Don't EVER let them see you sweat. NEVER raise your voice. Keep calm and give logical choices.
• Have a list. Prioritize. First things first.
• Know when too much is too much. Don't be afraid to ask for help or delegate.
• Let them handle their own problems, but again, pray.
• Low tones.
• Enlist the energy drain mentality.
• NEVER let a tender mercy pass you by--like those happy earrings that just showed up, literally,

  

  See 'em? Thanks, Gayla!

  on my doorstep. Recognize every little blessing for what it is and give thanks for it.
• Clean as you go. If you make the mess, clean up the mess, no matter how small.
• Surround yourself with happy people and happy things. Don't seek out icky things--I find myself looking at pictures of Ariel Castro's house. STOP!
• Don't return to your bedroom during the day--except to use the bathroom because who wants to use a bathroom where the kids have been? Wow, am I snobbish or what?
• Be nice to yourself. Give yourself a break every once in awhile. But remember, breaks are like dessert, not the main course.
• Be in control--stop something you like doing just to prove to yourself that you can--control the situation.
• Feed your spirit.
• Sing through the jobs you hate--sing even when, and especially when, you don't feel like it.
• Listen to lots of Taylor Swift and as you do so, be SO grateful that the dating days are long gone and that you got the guy you did. Phew!
• Wear an apron to cover those cute clothes--you don't want to have to change.
• Look at everyone who talks to you. Restate what they say to let them know that you're really listening and for clarification.
• Lower your voice. Do the opposite of what your urge is.
• Enforce respect--have little people clean up after themselves, help them/remind them to look into your face when they talk to you.

Inspirational messages of the day:

• "Courage is fear that prayed." --Thanks, Julia!

  

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• "This is a time of faith, not fear" (Ensign magazine)
• "Be not afraid, only believe" (Mark 5:36)
• "Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness" (Boyd K. Packer)
• "Look up" (Thomas S. Monson)
• "God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face" (Jeffrey R. Holland)
• "Rapids are a part of our journey." They're the best part of the trip and add a sense of

  

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  accomplishment and exhilaration.
• "Answers to prayer and the solutions to our problems generally come as we begin to act, not while we are on our knees praying."
• "There is nothing in this world that can defeat us."

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In short, this list is a lesson to me that answers come continually in many ways. If I seek for them, they will be found. And if, next time, I'm not looking in the right places, I can always come back here.

Social Life: How Times Have Changed

My sweet and wonderful friend, Rachel, just posted a new photo of herself on Facebook, and it got me thinking how non-social I am right now. Many of my dearest friends moved away years ago, and I just don't reach out much anymore.

It's funny because I remember my mom being very much like I am now. She spoke with people at church; actually, she was often the last one out of the building, but I don't remember her just up and leaving the house to go have lunch with friends or hanging out with people during the week.

I wonder, am I really anti-social, or is it just the fact that I have a houseful of kids, and my plate is full enough. I really am thinking it's the latter. There just aren't enough hours in the day anymore. Choices must be made, and I'm fearful that unless you live with a houseful of kids, you just don't understand my plight.

There are countless wonderful people I could call or hang out with on any given day, but I just don't feel the push to do that. Is something wrong with me?

I used to be the kind of person who hated to be home. I loved being out among others. Why don't I feel that now?

I'm now perfectly happy just to be home.

It is true...I feel that those in my house are my dearest friends. I'd rather be with them than with anyone else, so I guess that's a good thing, but as I looked at Rachel's photo, I realized how times have changed. Not that she's changed all that much. She's just a lovely as ever, but the times of going "Slimming with Rachel" are no more--Rachel and I used to go to deep-water aerobics at night twice a week. #4 would ask me often if I was going "slimming with Rachel" that night. I remember him calling it from his bedroom window after he'd been put to bed: "Mom, are you going slimming with Rachel?" as Rachel and I headed out onto the driveway and out to her car.

I, honestly, miss those days.

My hope is that someday I'll be a social person again, but to be honest, I wonder if, because of my neglect, no one will want to hang out with me when I'm an old woman, after my social circle has moved out and moved on with life--missions, college, the whole sh'bang.

I'm grateful for my memories with people such as Rachel. They were a gift at a time when being home with a whole slew of little kids could have made me mental....Those days when I needed a break to be with real people who could speak in full sentences that didn't include the word "maaaahm."

Rachel, thank you! I love you! You were, and are, a treasure in my life.

Monstrous Waves and Furious Winds

"Some of our struggles involve making decisions, while others are a result of the decisions we have made. Some of our struggles result from choices others make that affect our lives. We cannot always control everything that happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond. Many struggles come as problems and pressures that sometimes cause pain. Others come as temptations, trials, and tribulations."   --L. Lionel Kendrick

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I just finished reading in Ether about Jared and his brother and their trip to the promised land. I read that no matter how monstrous the waves became and no matter how fiercely the winds blew, they were thankful.

They were in their boats for nearly a year, but they, that entire time, sang praises and recognized the "multitude of tender mercies" that came their way.

It was the little things, not some huge, life shattering, miraculous event that got them there. It was the little things--the little evidences of God's existence--that brought them through to a better place.

All good things come from God. They recognized that and gave thanks for every good thing that came their way.

So often, I glom onto the bad in my life. What good does that do?

The Jaredites had a huge thing going for them. They knew where good things came from, and they were grateful for them. It mentions the monster waves and the furious winds, but those things, they recognized, drove them to where they needed to be. Had those things not existed, they would have been at a standstill, but the wind and waves never ceased. Never.

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I look at the waves and winds in my life, and I sigh and groan about them. Today, I learned from these people that I'm looking at things in my life all wrong. 

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The Jaredites prayed continually. Of course, they didn't know exactly where their journey was taking them. They were in ark-like boats. They couldn't see a thing. They put themselves in and pushed off. That was it. It was a complete trust thing.

Isn't that life for everyone? Does anyone really know where they're headed? Even when we're headed in a direction that we like, there are so many things we can't control and things that hold back our progression.

I am coming to understand more and more that I (and anyone) can ask for help at any given moment and receive tender mercies even for the smallest things in my life. It's vitally important to remember, though, that those things, no matter how small or how large, are still blowing me and pushing me toward where I need to be. I need to be thankful, continually, for these things, but first, I MUST recognize them.

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It's my response that matters in this journey being a happy one or a sad one. Seeking to pray for the things I don't like or don't understand and clinging to every good thing no matter how small or large (the multitude of tender mercies) that happen, recognizing where they've come from, and giving thanks for them will make this journey a joyful one. No matter what the struggles may be.

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For You, Sapphire

I promised a friend I'd write tonight, so here I am. I have a headache, so I'm heading to bed. It's funny my headaches are NOTHING compared to what they used to be, but I've become a wimp with them now. I'm so glad for the medicine that keeps them at bay. I found them through Walgreens for half the price I was paying for them at my pharmacy.

Life is busy with all kinds of interesting twists and turns right now. I have decided that I will control what I can and trust that the rest will be handled and all will go well. Things have always worked out in the past, and I'm sure they will continue to.

I created a schedule for myself. It's day three of it, and it's FABULOUS! I love it! I have direction all day long, and I'm so much more productive than I was. I think if anyone else saw this schedule, they'd think I was nuts, and you know what? I probably am, but it works for me.

#5 has some newly found challenges that we're trying to get to the bottom of. I'll write more in depth on these later when I don't have pain in my noggin. I spoke with his teacher this morning--interesting on the timing of this meeting. We've been trying to work out a time that would work for both of us since the week before spring break. It wasn't until yesterday that I had some concrete proof of what was really going on.

I came home and made an appointment with our pediatrician, so on Monday, we'll go see her and begin the process of finding some answers (hopefully).

Tonight, on a total fluke, while at the high school track meet, I ran into the elementary school psychologist. We even had about ten minutes to chat. She was so kind and willing to listen and help. She warned me that they were already scheduled into next year, but she told me to move quickly, and we'd be the first on the docket for next year. That's good enough for me, but after having this encounter just when I needed it, I have little doubt that things will work out as far as timing goes. Maybe I need the summer to figure more things out and experiment a bit before we have a discussion and make plans with the school. We'll see how all of this goes.

For now, it's reassuring that there really is something going on here that is out of our control. It helps me be more patient and supportive for my boy.

So, I'm off to bed. Hoping for a well-rested brain in the morning. The beautiful thing is that I've dreamt the past two nights. I was so happy to find myself dreaming two mornings ago. Before that, I don't remember the last time I had a dream. Means I'm sleeping deeper. The sleep apnea was preventing that from happening. So glad that I'm waking rested in the morning. Things are definitely looking up.

Outpouring and Down Pouring of Tender Mercies

Just thought I'd take a moment to give you a glimpse into #1's world. There have been some pretty sweet tender mercies land in her lap, for which we are very grateful. Never have I seen so many land in such rapid succession. Is it because I've been unobservant in the past?....

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We, just as of these past two weeks, have sister missionaries in our ward. This means that #1 can go out and learn some of the ropes from them. Had we still had Elders, she wouldn't be able to do this, so this is a nice little blessing to have come her way right now. She is actually leaving with them in just a few minutes from now.

We have a friend who served in the Philippines who we're going to go see in a couple weeks to hear her son speak before he leaves on his mission in the Alps. She has a tape of children's songs sung in Tagalog as well as some books and things for #1 to peruse. Awesome! Nice that she'll have a little exposure to the language.

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A friend brought some Girl Scout Tagalong cookies to our door yesterday morning. So CUTE! Tagalongs are #1s favorites. When she was a Girl Scout, she would always order her own box of Tagalongs just for her. By the way, we know the language isn't called "Tagalong," but it's awful close.

It's been great connecting with other moms whose kids are going to the Philippines through ldsmissionarymoms.com. I got a tip from one on shoes just this morning. The other day, one posed a question about lice and fungus, which I understand are concerns for the Philippines. She asked about tea tree oil. I had heard of it but have never used it and really know nothing but the name.

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I posed the question on Facebook and instantly received answers. All I asked was, "Does anyone know anything about tea tree oil?" and the first respondent said something about it being an antifungal. She chimed in just seconds later with something about putting a couple drops of it into shampoo and that it will kill lice. There you go! Wow! She didn't even know why I was asking, but she provided the exact answers I needed within seconds.

Here's the other funny thing about that whole bit....

A couple weeks ago, I checked my messages on Facebook, and a friend who lives in Washington wrote and said she was coming down to do a class on essential oils. Would I like to come? Well, I've received many, many invitations like this and have turned every one of them down. I'm just out too many nights of the week and feel for my kids and husband when I do that to them too much.

This invitation was so personal that I really couldn't say no, so I was already scheduled to go to learn more about tea tree oil before I even knew it was going to be something #1 would need. Pretty nice little tender mercy, wouldn't you say? Someone's watching out for us rather carefully.

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Then, there's the friend who just called to tell me about dresses on sale. She just bought one for her daughter who's heading to Brazil. And the other friend who happened to have two sewing machines, and I could have one if I didn't mind messing with the tension a bit. I'm not sure how to "mess with the tension," but I figure you tube must have something for me, right?

The friend with the machine also had a number of skirt patterns, so #1 got to look through those and found two she really liked.

Wow! This is all so amazing!

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To be honest, I've never felt such love and support as we've experienced since #1 put in her mission papers. I truly feel like the whole world is on her side. What a wonderful feeling! So much love has been shown to #1 and to our whole family. Thank you!!!

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A Tender Mercy Comes Back Around

Years ago, shortly after we'd moved back to the "big city," while driving to the beach with her grandparents, #1 was quizzed as to what was outside her car window. When we arrived, her grandmother asked me if I'd had #1's eyes checked. During the game, when seeing cows, #1 had reported that they were horses.

I took her to the doctor shortly thereafter, and sure enough, #1 needed glasses. We got them for her, but it wasn't even six months later when a student-teacher working in her classroom mentioned the fact that she could see #1 struggling to see the overhead and that #1 would walk up to it after lessons to see what was there and write things down.

Our insurance, at that time, only covered eye appointments every two years, so we were a bit stumped as to what to do. If her eyes were going to change that quickly, we were going to have to fork over quite a bit of our budget to take care of this need. It was going to add up pretty darned quickly.

Not even a week later, the Warden had had Back-to-School night at the elementary school where he was working. He came home that evening with a flyer from a nearby university. They were doing a study on children who wear glasses and were looking for children just #1's age.

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We contacted the university, and although #1 was on the older end of the desired age scale, they accepted her into the study. We had to go out to the university and have her eyes tested every six months, but they told us that each time she came, if her eyes had changed, they would give her new glasses. The exam and the glasses would be free just for being part of the study.

This was, as you can imagine, a huge tender mercy for us.

In this study, #1 could either be a contact or glasses wearer for the duration of the study, I'm trying to recall, but I think it was four years, or she could be a glasses wearer. 

The day she went in to be randomly chosen for a group, she hoped and hoped that she'd be chosen as part of the contacts group. Things did not go her way. She was disappointedly placed in the glasses group, so as part of that group, she had to commit to wear glasses every day for the duration of the study, which she did faithfully.

As the years passed, every six months, her eyes had changed just enough to warrant a new pair of glasses. Seriously, what a blessing this was to our family. She and I had fun going in and picking out the new frames. That part she liked, but as she got older, she got a bit tired of wearing glasses, especially as her friends started wearing contacts. She adapted to it and did just fine and made it to the end.

When the study was finally over, she was promised contacts by the university as a gift of appreciation for participating, and they delivered. For a few years after, they provided her with free contacts. She loved them and wore them everyday. She wasn't afraid to wear her glasses, which she did from time to time, but she, I'm pretty sure, was making up for lost time.

Last evening, as we read over the booklet that comes with a mission call, we read that contacts were not preferred because of the instance of eye infections, etc. #1 quickly interjected: "Well then, I won't take them with me. I'll just wear my glasses."

Last semester at college, #1 had an eye infection. She now knows what those are all about and feels just great about wearing her glasses for 18 months. We're pretty sure eye doctors in the Philippines might not be that abundant and getting what she needs to provide the upkeep for contacts, might be next to impossible. She'd have to take it all with her from the start, and we all know how fun it is to carry extra weight, and liquid at that, onto an airplane. No, thank you very much.

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So, just like old times, we'll go in and choose a new pair of frames. We set up an appointment online, and they're able to get her in tomorrow. She's asked me to go with her. It really will be just like old times.

I guess that random selection into the glasses group paid off in tender mercies in more ways than one. Funny what prepares you for your future.

A Little Step Back into Hesstory: Calvin and Me

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Forget Christmas Eve or the day before my birthday. You can even throw out the night before I got my driver's license, the night before my first date, and the night before every first day of school in my life. Last night was, without a doubt, the  most difficult sleep I've EVER had.

Here's the combination of last night's insomnia....First, the Warden was gone to the coast with a bunch of scouts. I never sleep well when he's gone. Second, #7 was up over and over and over again with a fever. I gave her some medicine and moved her into my bed, but then she would stretch out while she slept and push me to the outer limits of the king-size bed. Last and the most obvious reason, was that envelope  that currently sits by the head of #1's bed. All I had to do was think about that envelope or ponder her future, and my heart would leap. THAT was the WORST!

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I finally remembered health class in high school. I remember sitting on the floor of the wrestling gym and somebody, a special guest, coming to show us some relaxation techniques. Yup. That's the kind of high school I went to. I remember being told to take deep breaths and picture myself descending (or was that ascending) a staircase. As I breathed, I was to relax parts of my body starting at my feet and working my way up. Wow! Am I grateful for that little health class! It saved me last night, and I finally got some sleep.

So, all of this waiting has taken my mind back to waiting for my own call, and although I wasn't a Hess at the time, I'm still going to use the title above because, let's face it, Hammtory just doesn't work all that well.


My mom was just cute. Every morning she would drink hot chocolate and eat toast with peanut butter and boysenberry jam. The one thing I didn't know until the day I finished the mission paper process and had my papers mailed off to Salt Lake, was that while she ate breakfast, she read the comics. Cute, huh?

That morning, she shared this:

That's right. The day I turned in my papers, Calvin turned in his proofs of purchase for a beanie.

From that day on, Calvin and I waited together.

And waited....

 And waited....

One morning, weeks later, my mom came to me excitedly. She was carrying the Oregonian with her. "Look! Calvin got his beanie today! Wouldn't it be funny if you got your call today?!"

By this point, my response was, "Yah Mom, really funny." I was SICK of waiting and felt like it would NEVER come.

my brother and me - pre-missions

My younger brother had put in his papers very close to the same time I had, and his call came within two weeks. Here it was three, and mine still hadn't come. Ugh! I was dying!

But, sure enough, that was the day.

I don't remember there being a big hoopla. We didn't have a party. We didn't have relatives to invite. Mine was the fifth and final call to be received in that house, and mine was the least expected. My parents had saved for the four boys to serve. They hadn't expected that phone call from me my freshman year at BYU. I'm sure I totally caught them off-guard, but like #1, I finished the semester my sophomore year and returned home to earn a portion of the money needed and to wait until I turned 21.

Other calls that had arrived at my childhood home were to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; Anaheim, California; Cali, Colombia; and Hartford, Connecticut. Because my dad served in the military at that age in his life (at the very tail end of WWII), he didn't get the opportunity, but all four of his boys did. I think this was something he was very proud of.

Because my younger brother had received his call to Hartford, Connecticut, as I recall, the monthly cost to send a missionary there was $380, I started stressing about the financial burden on my parents. I had earned money, but I hadn't earned all of it. My parents would up the rest. I found the list of mission costs and started praying, no, more like begging, for Lima, Peru and its $59 per month. Nightly, I petitioned the Lord.

image: todayinsci.com

When I opened the envelope the day Calvin got his beanie, I already knew what line the actual location of my mission would fall on (having so recently seen my brother's call), so to be honest, my eyes slipped for just a second, and instead of seeing "Iowa," as I had expected, or Peru, as I had hoped, there was the word "Japan." NO WAY! This must have been somebody else's letter.

After we all whooped and hollered for awhile and perused the accompanying documents, I found the bottom line. A mission to Sendai, Japan, would cost $485 per month. UGH! How could this be?! Not only was it the most expensive mission in Japan, it was one of the most expensive in the world. NO!!!

I guess you could say that at that point, my prayers changed. I begged and pleaded that we'd have enough money to cover the expenses, and that I'd be able to make it to the end financially.

A week after I entered the MTC, I received a letter from my dad--typewritten on the computer with his slanted left-handed signature and the face he drew for me so may times during church. Someday I will scan this for posterity's sake. On every letter he wrote me, the face he drew became his official stamp. I loved it!

his shop now - image: city-data.com  

In this letter, he shared that the day I boarded the plane to head to the MTC, he went to work and was astounded at what he found....The cars were lined up and filled his parking lot. My dad was an auto mechanic and that particular day was the busiest and most lucrative he'd ever had.

He shared with me that he knew from that experience that I was being watched out for, that the Lord was going to take care of us, and I was doing the right thing.


My dad has since shared with me another financial miracle that occurred later on as I served. There was no doubt that we were being cared for. Just when we'd start to forget, He'd remind us.

I look forward to #1's experience today and for our family's experiences for the next number of months. What I foresee are a number of joys and a number of trials--each of those trials leading to an increase in all of our faith.

The first of those trials may have been last night's lack of sleep, and I'm sure I'm not done with nights like that. As my daughter's off serving in the world somewhere, I'm sure there will be many nights of worry and concern for her well-being, and then there are others to follow in her footsteps in this house. They will lead to some sleepless night too, I'm guessing.

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Yes, my hope is that there will be many nights of waiting for beanies. I finally got so I called #1's letter "The sorting hat" because that's exactly what it feels like. Funny similarity--a beanie, a sorting hat.

At this point in the game, I only have one thing to say.....Thank goodness for the time spent in the wrestling gym. That knowledge might just get me through these missionary years in the Madhouse.

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