We have stake conference this weekend. For my non-LDS friends, Latter-day Saint congregations consist of people in the same neighborhood. These congregations are known as "wards." A group of wards is called a "stake." A "stake conference," as you've probably already guessed, is a meeting in which all of the wards in a stake gather together. This happens twice a year. On stake conference weekend, our stake has an adult session on Saturday night and a family meeting on Sunday.
One woman who spoke (FYI, anyone can be asked to speak at stake conference) probably didn't even realize how profound her statement was. She shared that her daughter had been victim to a crime and how she knew she would have to forgive the perpetrators so she could move on. She said, "First, I prayed for the desire to forgive. Then I prayed that I would forgive."
Our stake president was the final speaker. He shared a scripture with us, and then he emphasized the words "desire, believe, and ponder."
Again, the word "desire." Desire is something I lack.
He asked what we desired for ourselves. He asked what we believed. He told us that if we would ponder these things, we would receive answers.
As we headed to the car, the tears continued to flow, but stronger. The Warden hates to see me cry and pressed me for the reason why. I asked him if I could "emotionally vomit." Gross term, I know, but there was so much that needed to be said, and I knew it would just not be restrained after I started to share it with him. I asked him if it was okay as a means of warning him of what was about to ensue.
I spent my entire day yesterday working on the grocery list and grocery shopping. Yes, my children need to be fed, but all day?! Yes, I'm trying to save us money, but all day?! Yes, I'm trying to make sure there's enough food in the house, but seriously,...ALL DAY?! It was Saturday, and what memories did I make with my children on the one day of the week when they're all home? Yikes!
Something has bothered me lately. It is the results of a study I heard about that dealt with the topic of mental and emotional change in a person's lifetime. The final analysis came down to the idea that we are pretty much the same people at the end of our lives as we are at the beginning--we don't change too much. How we deal with things early on is a reflection of how we will deal with them in old age. We're predictable beings. We are who we are.
So, here's where I stand. I, first and foremost, have a heck of a lot of pondering to do. I need to create my plan (a plan I truly believe in) for eliminating distractions that draw me away from my real desire. I started with Facebook (my biggest time sucker) last night. The Warden chose half of my new password; I chose the other. Basically, I'm giving him half of the control. I can't access it without him filling in his part. I had to do this to regain focus.
So, with this extra hour added to my day, here I am....pondering--desiring and believing that I can be more than I currently am--way more!