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Saturday, December 1, 2012

Back to a Simpler Way

For the time being, I have disconnected from Facebook. Before I deactivated my account, it warned me that the two blogs I have listed there won't have administrators and updates won't show up on the Facebook feed. I thought about this and decided that was probably better anyway.

So, if you're reading this, I have a pretty good hunch that you sought me out. That's really great. It wasn't a matter of clicking a link because you were bored and just thought you'd read whatever was there just for the heck of it.

I went back this morning and looked over the very first blog post I ever wrote. There was no preface. There was no this-is-how-my-life-has-been-up-to-this-point post. I just started in writing about life at that moment--it was December 14th, 2007, I was a mother of six, I was a college student, brownies were in the oven, I was scanning pictures. To be honest, I didn't write for a reader. I wrote for myself--to keep track of the happenings and feelings I had about life. That was my blog's sole purpose--nothing fancy.

image: jakesluckylife.blogspot.com
I have to admit that as time has gone on, I've changed. To be honest, I haven't liked it. I think it started with the nomination for Young Mother of the Year. If I had to do it again, I wouldn't have accepted it. When it arrived in the mail, I highly considered just sending a "no" reply, but I let my pride drag me down a very different path than I was following. I'm sorry. I don't regret being involved with the organization, but I wish I'd come into it through another means--because I felt passionately about its cause, which I do.

Suddenly, I felt I had to be perfect in everything I did. I had to be someone I wasn't. I had to know everything. I was no longer genuine and was playing to an audience. I've learned that that's not me. So, things evolved in a very prideful way. Again, I'm sorry.

It was once said, "Either we can choose to be humble or we can be compelled to be humble" (Ezra Taft Benson). Today, I write here to humble myself.

image: nhs.uk
I find that lately that I've been preachy and feel a touch of sarcasm and maybe even anger in what I write. I apologize. I AM angry, or maybe more than "anger," I feel let down. I won't get into details, but I will share that a small part of that has to do with the election, even though I've made peace with that. I see prophesy being fulfilled, which I believe will all be fulfilled, and it makes me angry to know that we're heading that way. It can't be stopped, I know that, but still, it frustrates me. It seems like no one else sees it, and it perplexes me.

So, I've come here today to apologize. I have a desire to start fresh.

image: stillblondeafteralltheseyears.com
I want to write for me again. I don't want to chastise the rest of the world anymore, and I know that's not my place.

So, if you're here, and you sought me out, thank you. Thank you for putting up with my little stint of anger and frustration, and my enormous stint with pride. I hope your being here means you've just rolled your eyes, shook your head, and been tolerant and forgiving of me, and that maybe, to some small degree, you understood.

Thank you for being a true friend.


Patrick and Paige said...

Don't be discouraged! you are loved and that is all that matters. :)

buzygrizz said...

I second what Paige says. :)

Alyson said...

I liked this post! I loved the introspection and the hints of what's going on behind the scenes.

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