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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Better Off Being Invisible?

Some days you just need to write for the sake of writing.  What? I do that everyday. Umm.  Yah. I guess I do. I don't usually come here with any agenda per se. I just go for it. Well, unless someone has left a comment that I need to respond to or has sent me a question. That's what's been happening lately, and I'm grateful for the topics to write about. Thank you!

This morning, I woke up just moments before my alarm went off.  I prayed for motivation last night before I went to bed, and man, oh man, I was rewarded in spades. Motivation is my middle name. Now, if I can just keep it up. It's going to be one amazing day!

I got up and showered. In the shower, my first realization was the fact that #1 is still gone. Ugh! Great sadness. She'll be back the day after tomorrow. We haven't heard from her, and I'm assuming we won't. I'm wondering how her experiences have been. If this were girls' camp or youth conference or something like that, I wouldn't worry, but it's not, so I do.

That's alright. Can't worry about things I can do nothing about, but was that the Spirit I was feeling that first night and should I have done something, or was it just a mother's angst? I guess I won't know until Friday. What can I do now except for pray a lot? I have to admit though, this feeling is effecting (or is that "affecting") everything I'm thinking and feeling right now.

Okay, changing the subject....

Last night we went to a meeting. #3 was one of many girls in our stake who were recognized for completing Personal Progress and receiving their medallions.

As we went to the back of the room when the meeting was over, I walked toward a group of women from my ward. Maybe they didn't know I was coming, but they all turned and walked away. Actually, one looked me straight in the face, didn't say a word, and walked away. Please remember, #1's absence--actually not so much the absence but my self-doubting about Spirit vs. angst--is effecting my perspective. To explain the phenomenon, I'm pretty sure I had my powers of invisibility fully operative, so that has to be the reason.  They just didn't see me. I know none of them would do something like this on purpose.

**Note to self: fix invisibility issues.

Has anyone else ever had this same problem? I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. Actually, I'm pretty sure I've probably been the one who, unknowingly, has turned away from people. I would never do that to anyone on purpose. I know how it feels, and I know the thought pattern that occurs when you're the one being turned away from. It's pretty awful.

Well, I've decided two things. I've decided that I'm glad I'm my biggest critic because that means that no one else thinks these same lousy things about me, or at least not to the degree I do.  Phew! Glad you all don't know the truth. If you could get into my head, you'd be shocked at how much I can dredge up about  myself and why invisibility might just be a good state of being for me.  The other thing I've decided is, thanks to our Stake President's words last night, I'm going to choose to be happy. Even though I can dredge up a thousand and one reasons why I'm socially undesirable, darn it, I don't have to dwell on them. I can move on and find ways to make sure you're not invisible to me.

So, there, you've heard my plans for the day. I'm going to be happy. I've decided that the best place to get my invisibility fixed is at the temple. I'm never invisible to Him, so I'm heading in for a tune up. I'm going to work on getting my perspective upgraded and turn my thoughts to somebody outside myself.

It IS going to be a good day!  Now, to get the house cleaned up before I leave, so I can truly leave my stressors behind.


vaxhacker said...

Ouch. That's happened to me several times, too, and it's not a great feeling. I try to remember that it might be nothing intentional, knowing that sometimes my own mind is preoccupied enough that I can turn and wander off and not even really register that I did that, so maybe that's what happened to the other person too. Feeling wanted and appreciated (heck, just worth saying hello to in passing) is a fundamental thing for most of us. Having someone snub you like that can really hurt, I know.

Julia Shinkle said...

Ok I started out with a comment and accidently deleted it...weird. Today my goals are to eat right and exercise...I have fallen off the workout wagon and I'm getting fluffy. Thanks for reminding me to add HAPPY to the list. Is it possible that the person who looked right at you and then turned around has bad eyesight? Just a thought? And hope it made you laugh. Can't wait to hear all about Q's adventures and I'm sure is just blowing everyone away with her abilities and talents to work with people and kids!!!!

LeAnn said...

Congratulations to your daughter for earning her Personal Progress; that takes a lot of work. I feel it is equal value to the boy's Eagle scout. I seriously think just like you. We live in a home ward and serve an Inner City Mission and attend our assigned ward. Seriously, I have no contact with the sisters in our Home ward; it is so strange. However, I could improve the situation by being more outgoing myself. I do love the thought that we can choose each day to be happy.

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