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Thursday, April 11, 2013

Coming Clean

This is a post I know I will regret writing, but since I've alluded to it, I feel that maybe I need to open this book. I won't link this to FB, and I will probably remove it after five minutes of posting it, but here goes.

Here's what's been raining in my life.....

NEVER has this ever happened before, but suddenly, there's a great rush of people at my door to tell me how angry they've been at me for years. Yup. Lovin' life.

Why, all of a sudden?

Why couldn't people come to me at the time of the offense, of which none were intended (yup. I'm that kind of sensitive, I guess), and asked me if I'd intended to cause the hurt? Would that have been that hard?

image: city-data.com
Now, I find myself pulling myself out from under the rock my heart wants to take me under over and
over again. I WILL NOT let this take me down. I won't!

Someone, anyone, tell me that I haven't offended you, or at least tell me that you chose not to be offended if I did. Someone out there chooses that, right?

Seriously, people. I'm up to five in a month. FIVE. Some of the hurts were up to ten years ago.

I feel so touched that people are finally comfortable enough to tell me, but sheesh! Things could have been so much easier had they just come clean way back when.

So, I have cut back on my inner circle to those I truly can trust. Those that won't become offended, or those who will tell me when they've been hurt. To those few of you, thank you! Thank you for choosing to have hard, proven armor but soft hearts. I guess that's what we need in this day and age....especially in order to deal with big, ol', mean, brutish people like me.


Tristan said...

Ouch! That's rough.

Just so you know - you've never hurt or offended me! :) ((HUGS))

Alyson said...

You never offended me. I think you do great things. I'm glad they're able to tell you, but I can't help but wonder why, after the time has passed, they're telling you now. It brings up an interesting corollary about forgiveness, I think. Some people think that forgiveness means you need to walk up someone and say, all magnanimous-like, "You did this to me but I forgive you!" But that's not it at all. Forgiveness is getting over it, personally—not letting that event or that person ever have a negative effect on you again, ever. I believe that in most cases forgiveness happens without the offender ever even knowing that there was an event. So why are they bringing it up now, all these years later?

I don't say this to shift the blame from you to them. I'm just curious about their motives. But you've only given us a hint of the surface, I have no idea the details.

Patrick and Paige said...

You have never offended me! I love you to bits and pieces and wish our path's crossed more frequently! I love being around you and reading your blogs makes me happy. Keep your head high and sever ties with those that bring you down. YOU ARE AWESOME!!! KEEP BEING AWESOME! Love ya Jules!

buzygrizz said...

I believe that being offended is a choice. Sure, people have said things that have hurt me or a loved one emotionally or physically, usually unintentionally but sometimes not. I think that offense is that person's choice - just like anger is a secondary emotion.

If I'm not close to a person, I just get over it. If I am close to them, I can lovingly tell them that they hurt my feelings (but this should be addressed right away) and that I want there to be good feelings between us. And another factor in whether or not I tell someone is if anything can be done about it (such as repeated unthinking remarks). Otherwise, it is easy to hurt the other person instead of "righting a wrong."

Just my 2 cents.
BTW, if there was anything you did to me I would have told you, and I can't think of anything. I know you're not perfect (goodness knows I'M certainly not), but your heart is in the right place and you try your best to be a good mom, friend, and church member. Love you Julie!!

Adriane said...

Nope - never been offended, just delighted by your funny #2 and often inspiring blog posts. :)

vaxhacker said...

You and the Warden are great people and valued friends. I'm in your corner here. I'm sorry it seems people have seemingly ganged up to express their offense but I don't think I've ever been offended by you. Even when we haven't agreed about a topic, it hasn't been personal or even offensive, and one of the things I value about friends like you is that we can even talk through difficult or painful topics without it getting personally oppositional.

I feel like you're someone I can relax and just be myself and express whatever, and that you can do the same without worry. I know there've been times you've thought maybe you said or did something objectionable, but IMHO you were just fine.

LeAnn said...

Oh, I can really relate to this one. Through the years I haven't really had this problem occur but when we moved back to Salt Lake one of the dearest sweet sisters in the ward came to me one day to say how upset she was that we had taken her pew to sit in. Oh my gosh, I started to cry. I felt so sad that she was upset. She said she had prayed about it and gone to the temple and she needed to come and tell me how she felt. I just loved her and we of course didn't sit in her pew any more. I was pretty upset by it all. She had several good friend in the ward so I was worried about being judged. At this point of life I think I would have pushed those thoughts away quicker. It really seems very odd and funny somehow.
I love that you shared this one.

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