I am a mom and am becoming a mother, but I need to work on still being a mommy. My mama days are over. I have done my midnight feedings, changed ooooodles (emphasis on the ooo) of diapers, and done the strollers, the cribs, and everything that comes with infants. I am pleased and feel blessed to have experienced this seven times over. Wow! What a life!
I'm finding what I struggle with, though, is being a mommy.
When you have a household that runs the gamut of motherhood, transitioning from
one level of mothering to another is quite a challenge. You've enjoyed most of the things of that last season so much, but as that season ends, you find yourself ready to leave all of that behind and move onto the next phase and all that comes with it.
The first thought on my brain this morning, as I woke up, was the fact that my littlest children need a mommy. They need someone who will take them by the hand and walk them to the park. Sometimes, they might even need a push or two on the swing.
This is where I struggle. I somehow want to lump them all together and have them all be as self-sufficient as my teenagers, but we all know that that's silly. These little ones need someone to walk them to school. They need someone to be up early to get them breakfast. The oldest, however, need someone at the cross-roads. They need a mom who's there for them when they walk in from school. They need someone who's up so they can talk to them after a date.
Some days I feel like I must be everything to everyone. Some days this is overwhelming. But, when I stand back and look at life and where we've come so far, I can see SO clearly that my time of being mama, mommy, and mom is so very short.
Here I am turning into mother. Mother is allowed to spend time alone. She can even shower any time she wants to without someone knocking on the door. She has to find excuses to read picture books and then she sneaks away in the back corner of the library to do so. Mother is different. I'm not sure I'm ready for being mother. Mother sends packages to far-away lands to those who once called her mama. She worries about new and different things....Things she never even imagined as she administered all those doses of children's medicine to feverish little ones all those years ago or as she took photos of them getting off the bus on their first day of Kindergarten.
I feel blessed to still be mommy and mom as I turn into mother. I'm grateful for this gentle transition. I look back and feel the glee in my heart that diapers are no longer part of my life. I look back with fondness on trips to the park, the fountain, the library for my older kids' enrichment, but I am grateful to still have those trips. I just need to learn to discipline myself and keep squeezing these things in between Eagle projects and trips to the DMV. I am happy that I am allowed the chance to ease my way into this last and longest lasting role of motherhood. I fear that this role will be my biggest challenge.
I wonder now....if I'd known, if I'd been able to see just what this was going to be all about....Would I have done things differently?
As I woke this morning, I realized that my littlest kids still need a mommy. In many ways, because I love the mom role so much, I find myself rushing....Rushing to get past the diapers and the strollers and all that comes from mama-hood and now rushing to get in and through mommy-hood.
So, for now, I get up early. I get myself ready, so that I can help them
That must be my focus today while I am still a mommy and a mom.