Looking at Both Sides of the LDS Hubbub

image credit: pretamarque.com

Before I went to bed last night, I went to check my email. On Yahoo's front page, lies a perpetual list of top ten most-searched-for topics on the internet. Last night, number one, simply said, "Mormon Church." I, typically, because I choose not to be a crowd-follower (I mean, seriously, how much do I care about Lady Gaga?), don't click on any of those top ten topics, but last night, I couldn't help it. That topic is near to my heart. I had to click. I just HAD to. I wondered what made everyone so curious suddenly. I mean the LDS church has been around for a long time, and yes, we have an LDS presidential candidate, but that's old news too, so what was suddenly hot and making everyone search?

As I got to the link, I saw that it was an article about how wealthy the LDS church is because of membership donations (a.k.a. tithing). Eh, okay. No biggie. I closed the site and went to bed.

image credit: mormon.org

This morning I'm up early sitting here reading the scriptures--somedays I'm better at this than others, but as I'm reading (Alma 23 in the Book of Mormon--all about the conversion of the Lamanites), that article keeps coming back to me. I keep thinking how funny the division is. We're all human beings, but there are those who are ticked about how wealthy the LDS church is, because they don't understand, and then there are those like me, who think "Eh" and roll over and go to sleep. What's the difference? As I read about the Lamanites and their conversion, I think I'm starting to get it. I look at the change in their lives, and it all starts to make some amount of sense to me.

My brother was here this past weekend. His family attended church with us. My brother's a member of the LDS faith and everything, so his response after the meetings was interesting to me. He went on and on about the wonderfully intelligent and beautiful people who were members of our ward. He exclaimed about how many of them were converts and many of them new converts. He said, "Gosh! I'd move here just to be in this ward!" I agree. It's a wonderful place to go each week. I feel honored to rub shoulders with these people on a weekly basis. These aren't bigwigs and heads of state. These are just regular people trying to raise families and trying to live their religion....and according to the world at large, they're all brainwashed--poor souls.

Yes, the LDS church is wealthy. To me, that's no big surprise. Other churches pass the basket and hope and pray that their members will pay in. The LDS church does not. To outsiders looking in, that's odd and wrong. To those inside, paying  tithing is a privilege and brings blessings. I am a recipient of those blessings. I could share stories, and maybe someday I will, but for now, it would go on and on, and this post is already long enough. To outsiders looking in, all of those people in my ward and I are brain-washed and coerced to pay that ten percent. To me, I am fulfilling a commandment that is ages old--one that was required of Christ's followers anciently. Unless you are an insider, you will not understand. Unless you know what I know, you won't get it.

For a cult, gosh, the LDS church is doing really well. How does that work?

As I'm reading this morning about the conversion of the Lamanites, I'm seeing some of the blessings that come to them as they embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm seeing some of the wonderful things I enjoy in this life. The gospel brought freedom to them. It brought them increased love and understanding for others. It made them want to do good and be good and help others. This isn't something they had desired before this time.

Hmm....Did you ever think there might be something to this? Yes, there are those who've turned away and scoff and say we're brainwashed. Did you ever consider those individual's lives and what might have made them bitter? For the most part, however, I would like to assert that LDS people try to be just like the Lamanites were becoming in Alma 23. We try to be kind. We value our freedom. We try to follow Jesus Christ, and we are grateful for the blessings that those attempts bring to our lives, which thus, make us want to do it more. Is there anything wrong with that? Does it take brainwashing to follow Jesus Christ in our society? Hmm...maybe so. Maybe you have to be changed to go against the crowd. Maybe you have to accept completely different ideals than the rest of the world embraces. Maybe you have to be just a bit different--maybe even odd.

It's so easy to listen to the scoffers and judge, but I think you'd find, if you listen to the general membership of the LDS church, that we really have no complaints. Life is good. There are ups and downs. There are hard things in every life. We endure what everyone else does, but sometimes we look at it just a bit differently from others you might know. Did you ever wonder why? Did you ever ask?

image credit: legendsofamerica.com

In my state, the extremely liberal state of Oregon--not a breeding ground for conservative faith, the LDS church is the second largest Christian faith. In the United States, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is fourth largest. Do these sound like cultish numbers to you? There's a heck of a lot of brainwashing going on.

If you believe me to be brainwashed and a member of a cult, I just wonder if maybe you've been listening to the wrong people--those who are either completely ignorant, those who have something to lose by my membership in the LDS faith (preachers, priests, etc. who are missing out on their paycheck because of me not contributing to that passed basket), or those who have been offended or somehow hurt by something that went wrong as they were members of the LDS church and have thus chosen a different way.

Do you know members of the LDS church? I know there are those who live their faith, those who live it part way, and those who don't really live it at all. I also know that it's hardly fair to judge anyone or anything by just one individual. So, I ask, do you know members of the LDS church who live their religion? If so, what kind of people are they? They may seem odd and different, but when you strip all that away, what feeling do you have about them?

You know, we often hear, "By their fruits, ye shall know them." This refers to followers of Jesus Christ. What kind of "fruits" do the members of the Church, that you know, bring forth for the most part?

I'm not sharing all of this to cram it down your throat. I'm simply urging you not to make judgments only knowing one side of the story. So often it's the outsiders point of view that judgements are made by. I'm just asking you to be careful of that.

Outsiders are offended and outraged. Insiders think it's fine. Unless you understand, you just won't get it. Unless you reap the rewards that come from being part of the LDS faith, you won't be able to conceptualize what makes us tick. Here, I'm not referring to financial rewards because we really don't get any of those. It's the intrinsic rewards that we benefit from. So, the next best thing to being an insider is seeking to understand just what's going on inside the mind of an insider. This holds true with anything you might read or hear about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

You can take the time to read up on it all you want. I mean, seriously, I guess enough people were last night to make it Yahoo's number one, but do you ever stop to ask someone who lives it and loves it? Do all of your opinions come from people who watch from the outside? I don't think you'd do that about anything else, would you? An opinion should be created by looking at all sides, shouldn't it?

So, the things you read and hear about us being intolerant, those things are either written by outsiders (who don't get it) or by those insiders who aren't catching the vision of what being a Christian is all about. There are many ignorant members of the LDS faith; actually, we're all ignorant in one way or another, but aren't all human beings? We're just all at different places in our development. I will openly admit that I am ignorant about so many things. I have areas in life that I haven't experienced yet, and thus, haven't made up my mind about those things yet. This is a big world. There are lots of things to think about and learn from. But, I will also assert, that my bottom-line is this, I want to follow Jesus Christ--religion or no religion. I don't always succeed, but I try. In my mind, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that; on the contrary, there are so many things right with that.

So, as the LDS church seems to be at the forefront of many minds these days, I want to urge those who seek to understand us brainwashed cult followers to seek out good members of the Church. Seek out someone who is truly trying to live the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught by the LDS faith, and ask them what they think about things. I would also urge you not to condemn us, approach us with an open mind and see if what we say doesn't make a little bit of sense.


Clearly, at some point in my history, actually in many places in my history--my mother (Ruth Hamm), my paternal grandfather (Roscoe Hamm), and my paternal great grandparents (George and Julia Dye) and even one more generation back (Isaac Riddle), had it make sense to them. Thus I am where I am today. I strongly feel that they have allowed me to reap some wonderful benefits in my life that I don't know I would have had if I'd had to find them for myself.

If you've been intimidated to approach an LDS friend and ask questions, don't be afraid. We're open. We know what the world at large thinks of us. It doesn't matter. We're happy to share. We may not know how to verbalize all that's in our hearts, but we'll do the best we can.

If you truly want to have an opinion, don't just read what the outsiders are saying. Seek out the insiders too. I mean, really, what are you afraid of?

Reflections on a Potty Chair

There are certain things you don't share on your Facebook page. Really. I think there has to be a line drawn where things are socially acceptable and not. I know a woman who posts such things as her husband grabbing her in intimate ways in front of her children, and I've cringed. I'm sorry, but those are things that are just reserved for you and you alone. You won't see those kinds of things on my page.

This morning, something happened in our home that was momentous, but it's not something I'm going to throw out to my Facebook friends. Not that it's inappropriate, it's just that I don't think the world needs to know. Here, though....Here, I can share anything and everything I want to, but I will say, you won't be reading about how, where, when, and in front of whom my husband grabs me. Sorry, folks. I'm sure you're sorely disappointed.

#7 starts preschool in September. I've been asked to teach writing twice a week and am very excited about that prospect! The program is run through the high school, and the teacher is FABULOUS! So, I will be working with high schoolers (an idea I TOTALLY LOVE!) and preschoolers, and who doesn't love that? Well, I'm sure there are many who don't, but I assure you, I'm not in their ranks. I mean, how could I be considering the life I live?

Anyway, one little point here that you may have overlooked is the fact that #7 HAS to be potty trained before school starts. Ha! Yah. No pressure, and surely no stress, right?

Okay, so now you know why I haven't been blogging much. Besides many projects I'm working on right now, my mind is in the toilet--literally.

It's not that it's been a tough journey, and by my saying that don't assume the journey's over. Oh no, it's just begun. It's just that, you know, who really wants to do this job?

image credit: potty-training-tips-by-caitlin

My other kids were all fall and winter births. They had to wait until they were almost four to start preschool. #7, though, is a June baby. Here we are, just barely three, and getting ready for school. Yikes! Mentally, I'm not ready to be focusing on this task I dread.

I feel like I've potty trained a different way with every child. I've pressured. I've bribed. I've begged. But, I finally feel like I have some sort of grasp on it. So much of it is just plain attitude, but isn't that the story of everything in life?

Here's how it went this morning....#7 came into our bedroom. The Warden and I were still laying in bed (I was up working on a slideshow with a good friend until 1:30). She said, "Mom, can I have something to eat?" The response she received was, "As soon as you go sit on the potty, we'll take you down and get you something to eat." She messed around for awhile (not literally) and then asked again. Well, by this point, I was thinking, as I'm sure you are too, that she'd already gone in her Pull-Up, so eh...yah, kid, go sit on the potty. Nothing too sensational--just like every other day this past little while.

She finally went in. She sat for a few moments and then she says, "Mom, I went in the potty." Just like it was something she said everyday, so I still didn't think too much of it. The Warden, whose side of the bed is closest to the bathroom got up to check. Sure enough!

Well, as you can guess, there was some MAJOR whooping and hollering going on in the master bedroom. "YAY!...Nice job!...I'm so proud of you!" You know, that kind of stuff.

She came out BEAMING!

I just have one thing to share on this whole matter....I think, when you want a child to learn something new, there has to be a level of discomfort for the child.

In this case, she's been wearing panties around the house for the past week or so. We've let her have the accidents. She hasn't liked it. We've let her clean up her messes. She hasn't liked that either.

To some degree or another, we've had to push her into making the change. It's had to dribble down her legs at times. She's had to do a lot of wiping and scrubbing.

So, my final conclusion, if we want our children to grow and develop into responsible human beings, we can't shield and protect them from all that is uncomfortable. We actually have to judge when they're ready and give them a little nudge, and sometimes a push, in the direction toward the next step they need to take.

To be honest, I'm sharing this, not for the masses, but for myself. I know there are going to be things that are FAR more uncomfortable than potty training in my future. There's going to be poop to clean up in other areas of life. Who knows what life will hold as children leave home, and I have to trust that they've figured many of life's basic lessons out while they were under my roof. I hope they've learned that it's often only through discomfort that there is growth and progress. Sometimes life just just hands you puddles and a whole lotta poop, but once it's all cleaned up, life is better than ever, and you're better than ever. I also hope that they've learned that that poop doesn't have to be self-created, and more often than not, shouldn't be. Let life hand you the poop; you don't have to find ways to make it for yourself. Self-sabotage is just plain dumb.

#7 has taught me something funny in her habits. Something that counteracts self-sabotage. One thing she does after going potty is she grabs her toothbrush and brushes her teeth. Not sure why, but I guess the lesson to be learned here is to be good to yourself. When you do something good, keep doing good. Be a blessing to your own life and to your own self.

I just got done writing and found that #7 was nowhere in sight. I went on a hunt, and would you care to know where I found her? In my bathroom sitting on the potty! YAY again! I sat and read her potty book to her (thank you, Megan!) and blew bubbles for her until the room was practically filled, but sadly, no success this time. Darn! On the contrary, she promptly went downstairs in the kitchen, and when I turned around, there she was with her pants half down standing in a puddle. Not sure what she was up to, but at least there's hope, right? We're definitely heading in the right direction. If nothing else, she knows the proper tools and methods for cleaning a floor and is becoming quite well-versed with the laundry room.

I hope I'm teaching them all to clean up properly. Little did they know that those spraying and wiping skills'd be a metaphor for so many of life's lessons in their (and my) futures.

Madhouse Munchings: PEACHES!

Such a great day! I felt like I was at the top of my game.

I was offered another job today and am looking forward to diving in. I was also given an assignment to edit a 90 page manual. Fun stuff! Who knew I'd fall into something I'd love so much. So grateful for these tender mercies.

Today, the Warden had the day off. He usually has Fridays off during the summer, but because of budget cuts and having to break some pretty bad news to some pretty great people, he's worked a few Fridays here and there. We took advantage of this day with him.

We went out to North Plains and picked peaches at Jossy Farms. In our family, I am the one who takes the kids on outings like this one. The Warden's usually at work. I don't know if he's ever been on a picking expedition with us before.

He called the local grocery store and asked the produce manager if they had any boxes they might part with. They did, so we stopped by to get them, and we were off.

The trees were SO FULL of fruit. It was amazing. My mouth was watering before we even got out of the car. It took us no time at all to fill our boxes up.

When we got to the scale, we found that we'd picked 78 pounds of peaches!

We each ate a peach on our way to the car. I had actually picked a HUGE one and put it aside just for that purpose. I think each member of our family had done the same.

I made peach cobbler when we got home. I asked, a month or so ago, for a cobbler recipe for the boysenberries we'd picked and was given a few different options from friends. Thank you very much, by the way.

In the meantime, I found my old recipe--the one I couldn't find when I had all those boysenberries. So that I don't find myself in this predicament again, here it is.....

PEACH COBBLER

1 1/3 C. sugar

2 Tbsp. cornstarch

1/2 C. water

8 C. fresh peaches, sliced

2 C. flour

1/2 C. sugar

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. cinnamon

8 Tbsp. butter

2 eggs

6 Tbsp. milk

Combine the sugar, cornstarch and water in a large saucepan. Add the peaches. Gently stir and cook until thickened. Keep warm while making the topping....

Mix flour, sugar, baking powder and cinnamon and cut in butter until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Beat the eggs and milk together in a separate bowl. Pour in and mix just until the flour mixture is moist--don't over stir.

Pour the peach mixture into a 9x13 pan and drop the topping in mounds on the top. Don't worry about spreading it around just strategically place them. As they cook, they will spread out a bit.

Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. Test for doneness with a toothpick.

Here's the best part....serve warm with ice cream.


I'm working on completing a few entries for the "Neighbors of the Madhouse" posts and hope to have them up very soon. If you're interested in joining in, please contact me. The more the merrier!

You Tube Teaches New Vocabulary...NO!

When #1 was tiny, we tried everything we could not to use the word "no." Not that we always said "yes." Oh no! That was definitely not the case, but we tried to find alternatives so that "no" wouldn't be her first nor her most used word as a toddler.

There was "uh uh" and "I don't think so" and words and phrases such as those, and sure enough, "no" just wasn't one of her words. I was so glad to know that it was avoidable.

There's one thing I've learned since, though, that I think is an even better way to go. I learned this quite by accident (which is the case with many things I learn as a mother).....

When you have a large family, younger kids learn some pretty mature things from older siblings. Sometimes it's pretty darned shocking. 

image credit: youtube.com

One day, the older kids were watching a video on You Tube. They were laughing and having a good time. Little brother just couldn't stay away. They were all enjoying themselves greatly. It was fun to watch.

The next morning, though, I paid the price. After everyone had gone to school, #6 was sitting at the kitchen table. He let out with  a word that I hadn't even heard my 16-year-old say. #6 was three. I'm sure my chin fell to the floor, and my eyes were as big as saucers. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out where this word had been learned. Later, when I watched the same video the kids had watched the night before, I knew....Thanks, You Tube.

Well, the word flew, and "We don't say that," automatically left my mouth. It was purely knee-jerk.

Again, he let the word fly. Really?! Was this a challenge he was putting forth? Oh, little man, you really don't want to go there.

Here I was. How was I going to control this one? You know, I've shared before that there are things children do that you just have no power over. I mean, what was I going to do? What's the saying?...

Ah yes, I suppose this was an option, but he didn't know what he was saying. I mean, he knew what he was saying, but he didn't know what it meant. All he knew was that it had power--it was getting a rise out of me. Just the perfect thing for him to take with him to church on Sunday or to preschool when the time came. The more I begged, pleaded and implored him not to, the more he said it. He tried various expressions and volumes each time I responded. I was getting nowhere but he was walking into zones he'd ever knew existed.

Suddenly it occurred to me....what if I offered him a replacement word?

image credit: stitchintheditch.blogspot.com

That day, he learned the word "darn." Once he learned it, the other word melted away, and the look on his face was classic! Something clicked. I've not heard that You Tube word since, and he's now 5.

Sometimes I wonder if I couldn't have avoided a lot of situations similar to this one if I'd just been a little better problem solver and offered a new word or a new coping strategy. I mean, if a child was hitting, instead of saying "no," couldn't I have taken the child by the hand and taught him/her to use it in a gentler way? Maybe what the child was doing was only because he/she knew no other way. Just saying "no" is ineffective.

When we took our dog to puppy training years ago, one of the things we were taught was to only use the word "come" in emergency situations--if the dog was in the street and a car was coming, for example. Okay, so I hate to hear a two-year-old spouting off with "No....No!....NOOOO!!!" but maybe my two-year-old is just as tired of hearing me say it. Maybe I should only use "no" when my child is in the street and a car is coming.

So, at some point in #1's development, "no" crept back in. Maybe it was after toddlerhood when we thought it was safe--when we knew she had enough other words that that one word wouldn't overtake all others. In hindsight, I now see that there really was no need for it to return. Sometimes maybe instead of turning to that annoying word, all we need is a little bit of creative action.