Up

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I'm up....Kids crying my name in the middle of the night.... Coughing.... Needing to be covered up again after getting up to use the bathroom.....

This has been my night so far, so I'm up.

Just as I start to doze off to sleep again, I hear my name again in the darkness...."Maaaahm. I need you...."

I finally got her settled in my bed and then thoughts start to creep in as I think about her.....What can I do better? How can I be a better mom to her?

I don't worry about where I've gone wrong, but yes, there's been plenty of that in our history. It is destructive to think that way. It makes me want to stop trying altogether.

image: ct.gov

I figure so many parts of being a mom are like quitting smoking. You know, they say even if you've smoked for years, if you stop right now, there are still benefits to your health.

That's how it is with moms.

Let me explain.....There are things I've been lousy at lately. I will openly admit that. It's okay for me to admit that; it may even be healthy for me to do so, but to dwell on it and scrape up every little thing I'm doing wrong does nothing but bring me down. Not healthy. Discouraging.

What I do instead is look ahead. What can I do differently from here on out?

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I'm learning that the mother is the rock. I don't care what society says these days. It seems that we're at a point where everyone says that a mother and a father can do the same jobs equally well. I don't agree. Mothers have their jobs. Fathers have theirs. It's that way for a reason. Yes, there are situations where children only have one or the other, and in those situations there is no choice, but when there is a choice, to children, mothers are the rock.

I am setting the basis upon which my children can build their lives in their early years. I teach them the basics. I am their moral guide and teacher. I lay the foundation of their characters.

Think that what I do doesn't matter? Think I can be lazy and half-hearted in this job I've undertaken?.... Guess again.

image: whchurch.org

In the past few days, I've seen two examples of where, unintentionally, I've set a poor example for my children. I saw it on Sunday during church, and I cringed. As I saw it, I had no choice but to admit that it was my stubbornness and pride that taught my children that. I saw it again when, because I was verbal about my disagreement with how someone did something, my poor example made my son choose to be unforgiving of a person. In some ways, I have poisoned my children, and it is my job to set those things right and get myself and my children back on the right path.

I have heard said that it "takes a village to raise a child," and I get that, but if that foundation isn't set by someone in their lives, it will never be there. Ideally, that person is their mother.

image: myfrienddebbie.com

So, I'm up....thinking over this job I have. What do my children build on? What do I want them to have as their foundation? What are the guiding principles I believe they need? What are the things that I will stop everything else for to correct my children about? I think of respect, personal responsibility, and obedience. These are my tenets. These are the things I need to more actively and consistently teach them. These are the things that I need to continually keep in check in myself and in my children.

I will be honest, I haven't been doing a very good job. I've been lazy and let things slip through the cracks. I've been hoping that some magical lesson in life would teach them, but that's not happening. It really is my responsibility. I can't pass the buck. It belongs to me. But, knowing this and facing it,  I can now do better. Starting today. Just like quitting smoking, even at this point, there will be benefits.

I'm getting too old to be up like this, but I can't stop. That's not what motherhood's about. My commitment is to each of these little people that call me "Mom," or in the middle of the night, "Maaahm." My responsibility is to those who keep me up.

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