Rockin' the Checklist

I made the rockin'est checklists for my boys. Seriously, they have everything shy of breathe and blink listed. Use one of these lists, and you just can't go wrong. There are three of them--morning, after school, and evening. I printed them, placed them so very carefully into page protectors, and inserted them into notebooks. I even made cute covers that say "[#5]'s Organized Life." Oh, and each book has its own dry erase marker.

So, as you can probably guess, the kids can mark on the page protector as they finish a job and move on down the list. When the day is done, they simply erase the marks, and voila! They're ready for the next day. Easy, right?

If followed correctly, the kids have everything they need by the door waiting for them in the morning. Their lunches are made, homework's in their backpacks, prayers are said and teeth are brushed.

The first day was HEAVENLY! It was a novelty, so they were

totally on board. Things were done early. There was time to play when all the work was done. They were happy, and I was oh, so very happy--almost to the point of joyful. I thought I had it all worked out....no more bumps in the road, no more late mornings.

I even went out and purchased a couple of alarm clocks since these two boys didn't have their own. Yes, the scene was set. Life was going to be absolutely blissful and worry free.

....And it will be.....Once I can teach them to self-manage, and I will. Believe me. If it kills me, I will.

The older boys have it pretty much figured out. The oldest of the three thrives on lists. It keeps things very solid for him. The middle of the three is of an age where he's learning to enjoy the consequences of good choices. But, the youngest of the three? Well......

Therein lies my challenge. I figure, though, if we can get on top of this together and let enough negative  and positive consequences come to pass, they will eventually teach him the value of these lists. The hope is that eventually he'll see the difference between how he feels when he does it and when he doesn't do it.

Let me give you a little illustration. Now, I'm laughing about it, but this morning, I wasn't.

We headed to school. The older brothers had it ALL together. They were smiling and laughing and life was great. The younger brother was doing the same, but then I double checked to see if they had their lunches. They got out the door so smoothly, I just felt that they must have forgotten something.

The older boy assured me that all was well, but younger boy shot me a look.....A look I recognize SO very well. It's the I'm-trying-as-hard-as-I-can-to-fly-under-your-radar look. So, I asked again, "Did you get your lunch?" He sheepishly answered, "No." Head was bowed and everything.

I said, "Well, run home and get it. We're not that far away. We'll walk slowly."

He continued the look. I encouraged a bit more, and then he said, in almost a whisper, "I didn't make one."

It was marked off on the chart last night. It was done. Why can't they make dry erase markers that only mark if you're telling the truth? Just think of how that would clear up about a million and a half things in our world!

After quite a bit of persuasion on my part, he finally went home.

He took FOREVER. I wondered if there were some kind of technical difficulties at home, so I broke one of my own rules and sent the older brother walking to school by himself. I walked back and intercepted the younger brother as he came around the bend. I opened his backpack and found a bagel and a box of raisins in his brown paper sack.

Do I need to continue this story?....It gets better.....

As I walked up onto the front porch with him to help him make sure that

he had an appropriate noontime meal (that first graders eat at 10:30am), I was a bit surprised at what I found....Two white garbage bags tucked ever so carefully under the bench on the deck. Huh? No. Uh uh. That is so NOT what I'm seeing.

Oh, yes it is.

One of the things on the checklist in the evening is to ask mom for a job to help around the house. This same child was given the job of emptying the garbages around the house and taking them out to the can.....Well....I think you get my gist here.

Not only did he have a lunch to finish making, but he now had some garbages to take out as well. Lucky boy! Look at all of these fabulous learning opportunities he's giving himself. Ugh!

He gave me a hard time about having to take those garbages out until I, ever so lovingly, explained that garbage attracts all kinds of small animals--rats, mice, etc. With trash that close to the house, the vermin will eventually get into the house....and then....you know whose room is the first they will find?

Well, let's just say that was enough to motivate.

The garbage went out, the lunch got made, and since I wasn't leaving until I had to take little sister to preschool, he even had time to empty the dishwasher.

We both got to the school in time for me to be there for my volunteering assignment in his classroom.

Yes, darn it! These lists WILL work. Do you now see why I say "If it kills me?"

Having seen them work so well those first few days, I still have hope.

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Seven Methods to Get Kids to Clean

My house has been clean for five days straight. Not a big deal to many people, I'm sure, but HUGE to me. Maybe we're hitting that stage. Maybe that's what comes after diapers are diminished because the last child is potty trained. Wow! I wasn't expecting that, and I can only hope that that's the case. Five days....Let me say that differently...FIVE DAYS gives me hope.

Here's the new challenge....It used to be that "cleaning the house" on a day-to-day basis meant tidying the house. We'd do the heavier cleaning, scouring, etc. on Saturday mornings. Well, the house is tidy. Lovely! Tidy. I'll take it, but I still want my kids to learn to work and contribute to the household daily, so it seems that the kids' daily jobs (I refuse to use the word "chores") will take a turn. Instead of "straighten the front room," it will have to become something like, "dust the front room" or something. I don't even know. I'm really going to have to look at this from a different angle. Of course, there will always be dishes and counters to wipe and things to sweep on a daily basis; it's just that that "straightening" aspect has somehow disappeared.

The other day, I had the joy of driving with my wonderful sister-in-law opposite me in the car. She rode "shotgun." I LOVE talking to her. She is mother to eight. My other siblings have two and three children, and I love them all dearly, but I relate with this sister-in-law very well. We see life very similarly.

As we drove we shared notes on how we clean house. It was so fun to hear how we had done similar things without ever consulting each other on the topic before.

Here are some ways we get our children to work:

apartmenttherapy.com

• Magic Scrap: This is a game my husband actually played with his students when he was a teacher, and I've heard my kids talk about playing it in their classrooms. Here is the premise. I will sometimes play this around the entire house and will go from room to room trying to find something that's out of place or a single job that needs to be done. I will write it down. Sometimes I'll even choose three or four things and write them all down. I invite the kids in and have them clean. The whole purpose is to find and put away (or do the job) that is written on the paper. If they do it successfully, the game ends for that room, and we move onto the next room. When all the magic scraps are found or the jobs are done, the people who found the magic scraps get a prize for each scrap they found.

  

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• Timer: My sister-in-law will take her kids to a room and ask them how long they think it would take to make the room look perfect. The kids choose a time, and she sets a timer. She will then dole out the jobs ("You've got floor boards. You've got garbages...."). If they get it all done before the timer goes off, they reward themselves.
• Top to bottom: This one is my favorite. I meet my kids at the farthest point in our house. I start delegating jobs to them as we proceed through the house. For example, we start in our upstairs hallway. I start out by asking one child to straighten the bookshelves. The next child is to pick up any scraps of paper or whatever off the floor. Another child is to go get the vacuum. We continue in this way as we work our way through the entire house. When a child successfully accomplishes one task, they are given another in another area. The child who is cleaning up items from the floor may next be assigned the scouring of the toilet in the upstairs bathroom. It goes on. As we finish one area, that is declared and we move to the next. I'm not sure why I love this way so much, but I think it must be because we're all working together for a common cause and no one is above another. I have found this one works best if I'm giving myself jobs too.

  

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• Job chart: This is my least favorite. We had a job chart for a few years and rotated jobs weekly. Everyone had an area of the house to clean as well as a job for before dinner and one for after. The kids did a really good job on these and everything got done unless someone was out of the house. The only problem I had with this system was the "But it's not my job" problem we ran into more frequently than we enjoyed. Actually, we never enjoyed it, so if it EVER happened, it made me crazy.
• On the fly: This is how I started teaching my kids to do housework. I wanted them to be the kind who, when asked, would jump up and do. I don't know if we ever perfected this idea, but remembering how this was made us abolish our job chart. From a very young age, I started teaching my kids how to do various tasks around the house--emptying the silverware from the dishwasher, rinsing dishes, folding towels, making beds, etc. As they grew, their abilities grew. I knew that if they knew how to do something it wouldn't be as overwhelming, so I taught them little by little until they knew how to do everything I did. My one rule in this method was that I was NEVER to ask my kids to do something I wouldn't do myself. Along with this, my kids were taught that using the word "no" toward their parents was as bad as a swear word. If they use it, they get an additional job. Too many jobs and logical consequences become a bit more serious. I try to keep track mentally of who has been asked to do things most recently, so I don't end up calling on the same kid or kids over and over again.

  

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• Pick and choose - This is the method we used to get the house clean this most recent time. I will go through the house and create a list of the jobs that must be done. I count them up and divide by the number of workers. Each worker must then choose that number of jobs. This time it was six for each person. They go through the list and we go around the circle over and over again until the jobs are all claimed. They then get to work on the jobs that they've chosen. I will list each family member and just what jobs they chose and keep that master list. I then make a list for each individual and hand it to him/her.
• The next step - We are implementing a whole new system here now, but so far, I don't like it at
  all. It exposes too much of human nature for me to be comfortable with it. I believe in rising above human nature and hope that my children will soon be up for the challenge. This requires them to serve with a generous heart. They must go around the house and find the area that needs the most attention and then do it. Unfortunately, as I've thrown this at my kids, they have gone for the area that can be done quickest and with the least amount of effort. Thus, human nature. Wouldn't you agree? I mean, if we can be lazy, we will, right?

I'm sure there are a million and a half ways to get kids to work. These are a few of the more successful ways we've tried around this Madhouse. We've also had lists and page protectors and dry erase markers and notebooks, but I'd love to hear of more ways. It seems that with nearly every way we've tried, a time limit, some type of accountability, and a reward goes a long way; although, I try not to do that every time. Sometimes, I think kids need to work just for the sake of work and with a feeling of pride in their abilities and in their surroundings.

I have also adopted the perspective that some effort is better than no effort at all. Take what you can get, and be happy with it. If you're not happy with it. Teach them how to do it in a better way. A good old positive pep talk goes a long way as well.

I must admit that sometimes I'm really up on getting my kids to help around the house, and sometimes I'm a HUGE slacker. Things seem to ebb and flow around here in nearly every way possible. Housework is no exception.

I'm sure we're not done exploring new ways of cleaning a house. Especially now that our situation has changed. I honestly feel like I'm in a foreign place. There are no dishes in my sink. There are no toys on my family room floor. SO strange!

And now that I've written this, you know I've just jinxed myself....

...A little game of Magic Scrap, anyone?

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Many Hands

It feels like I've woken in heaven....


Yesterday was a soccer tournament for #5. On our way home, the Warden and I promised milkshakes to the kids once the house was clean.

I went out and did the grocery shopping and hoped that the house would be clean upon my return. Guess what....It wasn't, but the kids were having a fabulous time out in the sunshine, jumping on the trampoline in the backyard.

Evening came. The house still wasn't clean. #2 came to me and said, "Mom, you have to assign the kids jobs, or it'll never happen." Of course, what was I thinking?

I created a small list of jobs and called all the kids together. They sat on my bedroom floor, and I read the jobs off to them. I put one extra job--helping #7. Whoever helped #7 got extra milkshake (there was a brief hum of kids whispering among themselves and dibsing who got to work with the youngest and who couldn't handle it).

Kids were then randomly selected to choose the job they wanted, and I set them to work. #2 was given first option to work with #7, but since #3 already had kitchen duty and #7 had dishes, it just seemed to make sense to everyone that the two girls work together.

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Within 15 minutes, the house was clean, and I was downstairs with the blender a-whirring. #3 got extra, and no one complained.

I'm so grateful for my clean house and my cleaners. What a wonderful way to start the day!





Hoping your day has started off beautifully as well,

While the Troops are Away

Head's spinning with thoughts and ideas. Forgive me while I let them out....gotta relieve some pressure.

image: advantagerealestate.com

Originally, the plan was that we were all going to go to the beach for Memorial Day weekend, but as things started to come together, it ended up that our three oldest each had commitments here in town. The plan became that the Warden would take the youngest kids to the beach, and I would stay behind with #s 1, 2, and 3.

As it turned out, I have accomplished SO much that I wouldn't have otherwise. It's astounding how much I use my children as an excuse not to do things. Sad, I know.

Yesterday, I was able to finish almost all of the laundry (and it was a HUGE amount), go through #7's clothes and organize them into her drawers, clean a portion of the garage, clean out the bookshelves, clean out all of the bathroom drawers in the kids' bathroom, make huge progress on painting #6's bedroom, and got through an ENORMOUS amount of paper.

If I ever become a hoarder, it will be because the paper will eventually overcome and win the battle that I attempt to fight every day. Man, oh man!

We sat and watched a couple movies last night. While we watched, I sorted paper.  Most of it got recycled, but there was still a lot to file. Wow! I seriously have a paper fear.

I figure I have one more day. I'm going to finish filing papers, clean out the fridge, clean out the other bathrooms' storage areas, help the girls go through their stuff, finish the laundry and fold it and put it away, go grocery shopping, and treat #3 and myself to a mini shopping trip.

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I pulled #3 into the Dressing Your Truth thing. She's super excited about it, so as a treat, we're going to
buy ourselves one item that fits our type. I'm a 1; she's a 3.

image: thechicfashionista.com

There are secondary types too, but I haven't figured those out yet. I remember when I was a teenager, there was a similar kind of typing. They'd take different colors and hold them just under your face. If they looked good on you, they could figure out which "season" you were. I was a spring but was considered a "cool spring" because I could wear winter colors too. Today, I read something that said these can be compared with the season system.

Type 1s are springs, so that fit perfectly. I thought I was a secondary type 2, but that I have so many strong opinions and am constantly fighting myself about whether to write them or not, I figure I might just be a secondary 4, which would be a winter. That fits also.

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So looking forward to tomorrow and getting more done around here before the troops return. NEVER again will I let the paper overtake me like it has up to this point. Filing that stuff is going to be a huge priority tomorrow. While I'm working on that and the other things I listed, the kids'll be finishing the touching up and trim for #6's room. It's going to feel so good to get these big projects done!

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Just a Piece of My Insanity - A Starting Point

The Warden often uses the quote, and I think this is quite fitting for the "Madhouse:"

Did Einstein really say this? See what a skeptic I've become? It's kind of like how #2 credits every possible quote to Mahatma Ghandi. We have a white board in our kitchen; something like this shows up almost daily: 

"Eat your vegetables."

         ~Mahama Ghandi

I guess that's why I've become so cynical about who originally said what. Ahh, the scars of motherhood.

Anyway, back to that quote by some 17-year-old boy who, on his mother's white board, gives all credit to Albert Einstein.....

The Warden has used this quote in various situations for years and years. It's only lately that I've really been pondering on it and its place in my life. 

Clearly, because my home is referred to as a "Madhouse," I am a creature of habit--not all of those habits, as you can imagine, are good....Actually, now that I think of it....very few of them are. I just keep doing things the same way over and over again, hoping for better results each time around. Well...Do I even need to say it? They're not working.

So, I'm thinking, maybe it's time to switch things up a bit. The big question, though: Where to begin?

In the desire not to throw the baby out with the bath water, there is need to analyze just what is working. 

The other day I started in the laundry room. There are a lot of things I can see that are working for our family. We aren't nearly as laundromatically dysfunctional as we used to be. Here's a short list of a few things that work for us:

• Each person middle school age and up has his/her own laundry day.
• Three laundry baskets reside in the laundry room to hold sorted whites, blacks, and colors.
• The ironing tools have a place in the laundry room and our out of the way.
• Extra shampoo, soap, toilet paper, and other toiletries are stored there.
• The washer and dryer are good sizes for our family.
• There is plenty of extra laundry detergent for now.

Here are the things I need to rethink:

Without fail, the laundry ends up in my bedroom to fold. Once it's folded, it ends up staying on my bedroom floor until someone puts it away. In other words, it gets kicked around my bedroom until I fold laundry again.

Here's what I'm thinking will solve these problems:

image: homebunch.com via Kirsten on Pinterest

A counter that runs over the top of the washer, dryer and utility sink, so that there is a surface to fold on without worry of items falling behind or between.

image: delightfulorder.blogspot.com via Kristina on Pinterest

Individualized cubbies so things can be folded and put directly into each person's shelves. The bottom basket is for socks and underwear.

I need to put the hamper or hampers--wouldn't it be great if, when people put their dirty clothes into the laundry room the clothes made it directly into the basket AND, this may be asking WAY too much, but wouldn't it be just fabulous if those clothes were sorted? So, I'm thinking I'm going to put the hampers just inside the laundry room and have them color coded so there is no question where the darks, whites, and colors go.

The only thing yet to be figured out is a place to hang items that need to be hung up. Here's an idea for that, but in order to do this, I'd have to revamp some other things. Not sure if I'm willing to do that. It's a pretty small room I'm working with....

image: en.paperblog.com via angela on Pinterest

This is only one small area of the insanity of this Madhouse. I figure I've got to pick away at these things a little at a time. I didn't want to take something huge and start off with something completely overwhelming.

At this point, the room's stripped down and all of the items that are normally stored there are in boxes. I think we'll start with the counter and move to the cubbies.

I'm so looking forward to having my bedroom floor back and not continually cluttered with unfolded and formerly folded clothes.

So hoping this will bring a bit of sanity. Then I can move on to some of the other things that I do over and over again.

Oh, the Insanity!

It's one of THOSE days, but there have been a lot of THOSE days lately....working so hard to get caught up but turning around to find that someone has thwarted my efforts and the work begins again.

I find myself wishing away this stage of my life. I wish for the next one...kids all in school, time to myself. A little bit of breather so I can have some kind of semblance of hope that my house'll be clean for a whole hour on any given day. That would be SO nice. I really miss having a social life.

This is how life is now...

image: mylifeandkids.com

Yet, each day, I get up and go again.....

image: lnt.com 

Yes, this is why I live in a Madhouse, and this is why I am the Chief Inmate.

I swear there's some BIG secret you all know and aren't telling me. I figure everyone sits back and watches me run on my hamster wheel all day every day and just laughs because I'm not in on the secret. There is an easier way, I know it. You're just not telling me because my insanity is so entertaining to y'all, huh?

For the time being, I make myself believe this...

image: pinterest.com

Not sure if it's all that true. I figure good moms are happy moms, but how can moms be happy when things are so insane? 

I have to just keep telling myself that this MUST be true because the clean house thing? Nope. It ain't happenin'....And to be honest, I HATE it.

Will I really be happier when I get to the other side of this season and into the next? I don't know, but knowing myself as I do, I will look back and wish I'd have done better and found balance in this season, or at least tried a little bit harder.

Yep. It's one of THOSE days, and I've decided that it's a "just one more load" kind of day. No matter how much it looks like I'm trudging (and I am) up the stairs back into the laundry room, at least I'm doing it. It's getting done. Just wish I could be happier about it.

I have deluded myself into thinking that there is a magic formula. It's like playing with some sort of sick Chinese puzzle box--if you move this to this point and get this part in just the right configuration with those twelve points, it'll all fall into place, and you'll know the secret to life. I swear, seriously, that's how I figure this has got to be. There HAS to be a way. Just when I think I've got it figured out, it changes, so hand me another Oreo.

So, please....share the secret with me, will ya? I promise I'll crack or joke or something every so often, I'll even learn to tap dance to keep you entertained if you'll just let me in on it, okay?

image: activerain.com

I guess, for now, I'd better get a little more toothpaste on my brush.

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I Cannot Be My Mother

My mother did EVERYTHING for us kids. Seriously, everything--laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, you name it, she did it. Yes, I was VERY spoiled. By the time I left home, I knew how to dust and set a dinner table. Please don't judge my mother by this. She was an only child raising six children. I firmly believe she was doing the best she knew how and those were different times.

Because of that, though, I decided that as a mother I would do things differently. My children would learn how to do for themselves, and for the most part, they have.

This morning started out rough and led me into my mother's life (for the second time). Let me explain....

We, the Warden and I, began with a conversation surrounding the topic of a habit one of our children is adopting that might not bode well for the future. Such is the case with bad habits, right? In discussing this, I explained my opinion that this wasn't something that could be forced. We had to somehow help this child come to the conclusion that this wasn't a good thing and that the child would have to somehow decide to change it. We could not force the change. All we could do was explain and attempt to persuade.

We finished our conversation, and I went to talk to the child. Things were easily understood, and an agreement was peacefully made. Phew! It honestly took about two minutes. But, I also added that if what we had agreed upon didn't work, we would have to come up with something more to take care of the problem. That also was understood. Did I already say "Phew?"

All was seemingly handled, but then it unraveled before my eyes. We walked to the kitchen, and the Warden completely sabotaged my efforts. That child stormed out of the house and walked to school--no breakfast, no lunch in hand, nothing. Ugh!

I'm sure the Warden didn't mean to sabotage me. We hadn't even had a chance to discuss the terms of the treaty I'd pushed for yet. Did I already say "Ugh?"

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Add to this picture the fact that when said child walked out the door, I thought all that had happened was that the child had gotten into the car for the customary ride to school. I sent #7 out with a peanut butter sandwich (very like my mom would have done), so that the child, who has sports after school wouldn't collapse while doing said sports.

#7, after a few moments, rang the doorbell, she had accidentally locked herself out. We opened the door, and there she was standing there with her little blonde head against the wall, tears spilling onto the uneaten sandwich. Her words as she sobbed: "[Child]'s not there."This was when I understood how angry the older child really was.

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Let's add to this picture, shall we? Immediately after that car drove away with its occupants, the last remaining children were milling around the kitchen. One of those kids comes to me and says, "We never have breakfast." In other words, we never have sugary cereals anymore.

That was IT! Really? Why is it that no one else around here can do what I do? I mean, that was the idea behind this motherhood thing, right? Teach them to do for themselves? Are they really this helpless?

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I walked into the kitchen and showed the breakfast-less child the English muffins, oatmeal and bread. I explained about a dozen things that could be done with those ingredients.

I would like to step back in time for a moment....

Back to this, which was my rebuttal to some really ugly comments on this from March 4, 2011:

image: wakemedvoices.org

I confess

I made my 2nd grader go without lunch today.

My children make their own lunches.  They are given enough lunch money through their accounts at school to buy four lunches or one lunch a week for the month.  This particular child overdraws his account monthly.  It's to the point that the recorded voice from the school district calls and leaves messages daily about his account being overdrawn--they call until it's been paid off.  I only pay on the first of the month, so sometimes we're five days into the month when the calls start in.  He was warned last month that if he overdrew, it would be his last month with lunch money in his account.  So, you can see what happened.

Today, I volunteered in his classroom.  He came to me and told me he'd forgotten his lunch.  I told him I wished he would have told me earlier, so I could have brought it with me when I came to volunteer.  It was then that I found out he hadn't even made one.  His teacher was standing there--sweetest person in the universe.  She told me that he'd forgotten yesterday too.  She explained that she hadn't called because she was pretty sure what I would say.  This teacher is very good friends and a former co-worker with my mother by marriage, so she knows how things roll with the Hesses.  So #5 went hungry at lunch yesterday too.

I have full confidence that he'll start getting this.  Yesterday his teacher gave him some crackers to get him through the afternoon.  I thanked her.  She said she could do that again.  I asked her to please have him do something for her to compensate her for the crackers.  She agreed.

Do I sound like the worst mother in the world?  It all goes back to the idea of feeling entitled.  I don't want any of my children thinking that they can have what they want if they manipulate the system just right.

So, there will be a nice, healthy snack for him when he gets home today.  Like I said, I sure hope he learns this lesson soon.


Have I softened since that time? Maybe, but I don't think so. I am stressed about a child who goes off without breakfast and won't be home until after 5:00 tonight and will be doing sports in the meantime. I, however, wouldn't stress about a child who's had breakfast and misses lunch to come home to a substantial snack and dinner a couple hours later.

But, the child that went off without, set me off.

I decided that I'm tired of being sabotaged. I decided that if I'm the only one who cares, then I will be the only one who works. I will become my mother for awhile and see if there's maybe something I'm missing. I will touch every base. Every child will have a clean room and will be well fed. I will make sure of it ALL. They will wear the clean clothes I picked out for them.

At this point, I've finished four loads of laundry and three loads of dishes, fed seven people breakfast and four people lunch, put dinner in the crockpot, wiped tables and put clean tablecloths on, picked up #7 from preschool, visited the bank and deposited some checks, and welcomed two friends at my door. There is much else to do, and like my mother, I won't sleep tonight until they're done.

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I have to confess that doing this for a day makes me feel great love for my family. I now see why my mom did it for us. It was her way of showing selfless love, and in this I find my confusion. In serving them, I feel love for them, but what I've learned from teaching my children to do for themselves is that the greatest thing I've given them is self-esteem. When they are self-reliant, they come to see their own capabilities.

Is one right and the other wrong? I'm not sure, but I tend to think not.

Am I being a martyr? You'd better believe it, but I quickly learned that I can't do it grudgingly for very long. It has wrought a bit of a change on this morning's upset heart.

So, I wonder, will they notice my work and jump in to help? Yah, I doubt it too, but there was a little glimmer of hope this morning.....

#6 got up after all of this had gone down, having afternoon Kindergarten has its benefits. He asked what there was to eat. I told him about the bread, English muffins, and oatmeal. He immediately went for a bowl. He didn't sit around whining, begging me to get him a bowl, or to make it for him.

image: michelleprice.ca

Being in the mode I was, I think he was surprised when I took the bowl from him and poured the oatmeal and again when I took it from him as he was heading for the water and did it for him. I then took it, after he'd pulled it from the microwave and took over the job he was already doing of putting brown sugar in it. I think he was a bit confused as to what was going on. I think he wondered if I somehow found him incapable.

I was grateful to see that his natural tendency, at the age of six, is to do for himself. It isn't in his nature to sit around wondering who's going to serve him. He serves himself.

I have learned that my mom was wonder woman. How did she do this day after day after day?

Yes, I will continue this through today--picking up after everyone, every little thing they put down--but I don't know if I can do it like my mom did. Actually, I know I can't. I know my kids are capable of much more than sitting around, but this little perspective makes me appreciate my mom that much more. It reminds me to love and appreciate my family and all that they do and to overlook all of those things that I have been viewing as sabotage.

Maybe I need to find some balance--somewhere between me and my mom.

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Crockpot Menu - Week #6

This is going to be a much better week as far as breakfasts go. We're going to give them more of a shot this week. We have the outlet timer working just great, so I'm looking forward to waking up to some yummy smells (although, from what I understand, the hard boiled eggs smell nasty).

My kids have decided that breakfasts shouldn't be done in the crockpot. I'm going to give it one more fighting chance to see if these turn out. I've made my mistakes in the past and have learned from them (I hope), so we'll see how it goes. One thing's for sure, my crockpot cooks fast, so I'm taking about an hour off of each cook time. Also, the cheese will need to be added just a few minutes before serving; otherwise, it gets too crunchy. In my mind, cheese shouldn't be crunchy. Would you agree?

For the banana bread, again, I'm using my friend Caitlin's recipe but using the cooking directions from the linked recipe.


Sunday       Breakfast         hard boiled eggs
                   Dinner             Pork roast w/sauerkraut and kielbasa

Monday      Breakfast         Morning Casserole
                   Dinner             Carnitas

Tuesday     Breakfast          crockpot applesauce
                   Dinner             French onion soup

Wednesday Breakfast        Pumpkin Tea bread
                   Dinner             Lemon pepper chicken

Thursday    Breakfast         crockpot oatmeal
                   Dinner             Black bean soup

Friday         Breakfast        Western Omelet Casserole
                   Dinner             Stuffed peppers

Saturday     Breakfast         crockpot banana bread
                   Dinner             French Dip Sandwiches

Enjoy!

Back to the Old Schedule: Just What February Needs

Of course it's February. I didn't catch onto that fact until I hung up from calling my dad today. Immediately after hanging up, I said out loud--no one was with me--"Can I talk to Mom?"

Every year at this time automatically, my heart goes to my mom. EVERY year. It's now been 14 years. It never fails. I become very down.

It wasn't until I said that in the car today that I realized what was hanging me up. Well, duh! It's February. Nothing else need be said than that.

The happy thing is, I'm not even half way through the month, and I life is already looking up. I resurrected this schedule and started following it yesterday. I feel a bit more in control now. It was sitting in the Annex blog, so I needed to repost it here, so I don't have to search there for it anymore.

5:30am

• Pray
• Scripture study

6 to 8am

• Shower
• Wash face/brush teeth
• Get dressed
• Make up, hair, earrings
• Straighten bedroom
• Make bed
• Start laundry
• Make breakfast
• Dishes
• Straighten kitchen
• Clean sink

9 to 11am

• Straighten house
• Sesame Street (one episode together)
• Read with kids
• Today's mission (see below)

11am to 2pm

• Make lunch
• Clean kitchen
• Clean sink
• Read, sing, and pray with L/L's naptime
• Laundry
• Free time

2 to 4pm

• Prepare snack for kids
• Time with kids

4 to 6pm

• Prep for dinner 
• Kids' jobs

6 to 8pm

• Dinner
• Clean up
• Straighten house
• Shine sink

8 to 9:30pm 

• Floss, wash face, brush teeth
• Wipe bathroom sink
• Jammies on
• Last load of wash into dryer
• Lay out tomorrow's clothes
• Check calendar for tomorrow
• Set up schedule for next day
• Pray

Missions:

• Sunday - planning day
• Monday - laundry and upstairs
• Tuesday - grocery prep and kitchen
• Wednesday - desk tasks and downstairs
• Thursday - catch up 
• Friday -  errands, car and date night
• Saturday - deep clean and family fun

I originally shared this schedule back in August of 2009. This works for me. I'm glad I had written it down. It was nice to have it there when I needed it and not have to go reinvent the wheel.

Life is just good if I can get going before the kids are up. I've also learned that I can't follow a strict schedule. There are just too many other schedules I have to work around at a moment's notice. What works best for me is to have broad times as guidelines and a list what I need to do during that time. If I do this, I don't feel so stressed. 

So, bring on February. This year, it's not going to get me down. This year, I'm on top of it. Thanks to a blog post written three and a half years ago. Yay!

Time to Hang Up My Cape

When I was a teenager, I remember being disappointed by things I'd built up in my head....Things I expected that others were going to do and just how they were going to do them. I built them up to the point of being totally CRUSHED when those things didn't happen. I remember retreating to my bedroom, putting my face in my pillow and crying for hours.

From these experiences, I learned that the only person I can control and should be able to count on is myself.

Well, lately, I'm learning that that much isn't very true either.

image: hangingaroundforever.wordpress.com

There have been things, since I've been married and have had children--a household to care for--that I've built up for myself. Expectations for myself that I feel are my responsibility and no one else's. I grasp them selfishly. They are mine...mine...MINE. **Insert evil laugh here**

My kids do quite a bit around the house. They have assigned chores, but there are things that I've reserved for myself--those things that I think define me as a mother, a wife, and a homemaker. When I don't get those done, I am so disappointed in myself. I don't cry for hours over them, but maybe that would help. If only I had time to retreat to my bedroom.

It's funny, I don't have one of those husbands who comes in after a long day of work and says, "Where's my dinner?" or "Why isn't the house clean?" If I did, maybe, just maybe, I could blame these feelings on him. Boy, that'd make me feel better, but darn it! No, I have one who comes in after a long day of work and just gets to work all over again, in a different way. Here's the clincher....He does is HAPPILY! Ugh! I'm so grateful for this good man, but my guilt and disappointment in myself grows every time.

Life has been busy with added responsibilities that didn't used to be there, and I don't think the sleep apnea's helping at all. No, I don't have the device for the apnea yet--long story. I guess what it comes down to is that I don't have the energy I used to, but those aren't good excuses. I am cutting myself no slack here.

I've been really bothered by all of this....until early last week....

We were sitting at the dinner table. The Warden called on #7 to bless the food. As soon as he did so, this little voice in my head/heart said, "You don't have to give every prayer."

That may seem like a funny statement to anyone outside of my head, but these words made everything else click. It was the thought that I don't have to do it all. It's okay to delegate things. Everyone in my house can help, and it's all okay. Nothing defines me as a mother, a wife, and homemaker as much as my love for them. If those tasks are causing me undue stress, I need to let them go. They're not worth it. I need to stop defining myself by what I do and start appreciating how I feel. Yes, the things I do are an outward expression of what's in my heart, but service to my family comes in so many different packages.

I have a friend right now who is pregnant. She was the oldest child raised in a very large household. I guess I thought of anybody, she'd be up and doing it ALL for her family. I've heard of women who were nine months pregnant and out working in the fields. That's what I, at times, have aspired to. I thought that's how this woman would be.

In the past two weeks, I've been described as "tough" by my children first, and then by the Warden in front of my children. I've tried to prove to them that I can "fight through" anything. That I can take a licking and keep on ticking. I haven't wanted to be a marshmallow that backs down at the first sign of adversity. But, that all brings a big price with it. That price is called self-neglect.

I made arrangements to have one of this friend's children to come play at our house. The night before the playdate, I received a text from her stating that they wouldn't be ready because she wasn't sure she'd be up and about yet at that time of the morning. Could we arrange a little bit later so they could take their time?

Wow!

It hit me, as I pondered her text, that in taking care of herself, she was really taking care of all in her household--even the not-yet born. She wasn't being tough. She was being tender and thoughtful and careful...of HERSELF! Wow, I want to be like that. I want to be able to say "I'm not going to be ready yet" and not feel guilt. I want to be able to cut myself some slack.

I've been married for 20 years. How do I train my family, after all of these years of martyrdom, that it's okay to take care of me? Oh, my goodness, and then, where do I begin?

My heart churns most of the time lately. I have no other way to describe it than that. Those must be my super powers trying to break out. Well, I think I need to quiet the powers and stop trying to be super woman everyday. It's the falling short that's disappointing me. Maybe I need to extinguish those feelings. Maybe that's where I need to begin. Maybe it's in the little things I do to quiet those churnings that I'll find what it takes to care for myself. Maybe I need to stop motivating myself with the guilt I've heaped upon myself in my attempt to be tough and super and everything I have expected a mom to be.

No, I don't say every prayer here in this madhouse, and there is no manual written that says if I don't do something, the world will fall apart. Maybe it's time to take care of me a little bit more. Maybe it's time to stop running the hamster wheel, let others help me flatten it out, and run forward together.

No, I'm not super woman, and I don't want to be. It's time to remove the expectations and be good enough because I love them.