Sour in More Ways than One

As we've dealt with red dye #40 and "Sweetie," I got to thinking back to another of my children. I honestly thought that Sweetie's issues were genetic because one of the older children showed very similar anger and aggressiveness in childhood.

So, we started an experiment. We had that older child go without red dye for a long period of time--not difficult in this house anymore. We never eat it here.

One day, the older child came home very angry. This is a very unusual state for this child who is typically very sweet and agreeable and helpful. Nothing was right.

It has now happened three times.

The most recent experience was this past Sunday. Saturday had been spent at a track meet--all day. Sunday morning, this kid was more than disagreeable. We were all awful people. I mean, seriously, if we'd asked this young person to breathe, we would have had our heads bitten off. We all quickly learned to keep our mouths shut and smile.

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As we sat in church, I leaned over and asked if any red dye items had been consumed at the track meet.
The older child looked me square in the face and said no. Another sibling, who'd been with this child the day before leaned over to me and whispered, "Except for those Sour Patch Kids."

I leaned across again, somewhat hesitantly, and asked, "Did you have Sour Patch Kids yesterday?"

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The answer with a sneer: "Yes, so what?"

Enough said. By afternoon, I received an apology and all was good.

I do have to add this, though, as we sat in church, I handed this kid a note. I asked what it felt like when under the influence of the dye. The answer: "I am intolerant towards everyone."

You'd have to know this kid, but "intolerant" is NEVER a word I'd use to talk about this child. I would typically say quite the opposite.

So, maybe the intolerance toward red dye brings out intolerance toward others. I guess my thought that this was genetic may still be true--just not in the way I originally thought.

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Defusing Anger with Kindness

I believe I've mentioned before that Sweetie will sometimes get angry, and it has nothing to do with red dye. The red dye anger goes FAR beyond just being angry. It's aggressive and violent. His usual anger is aggressive, but it is calm-able. Red dye anger escalates out of control. There is no calming it. Sweetie has to let it run its course. At least, that's the point we're at now. Trying to flush it through his system by having him drink a bunch of water may have helped a bit last time, but I can't be sure. We've only tried that once; although, it did seem to shorten the duration of the problem.

When Sweetie is angry, red dye or not, instead of making things better, things are always taken to a worse place. For example, if I ask Sweetie not to do something and he gets mad about it, Sweetie will slam a cupboard or throw something. When I try to correct that behavior, Sweetie'll do something similar again. This will continue each time I try to deal with it.

Sweetie eventually ends up being moved to his bedroom or the backyard.

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This morning, it was the backyard. I kept waiting for the police to show up at my door. Seriously, he was freaking out. Wish someone would put me out back sometime and tell me to stay there until I feel like coming in. It's the strangest thing. I walk him to the door and open it. Sweetie starts yelling. I say, "Please go jump on the trampoline and get some of that angry energy out there. Come back in when you're feeling less angry."

Within moments, the back door is being beaten on with whatever can be found. Thank goodness we have super good windows. Sweetie throws things and just really storms.

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On a regular day, he'll take himself out there and jump to his heart's content, but when he's forced to against his will, it's like he's been put in a torture chamber. Isn't that just like human nature?

This morning, though, I think I finally found something that just might work in these situations.

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Each time Sweetie beat on the door or threw something, I told him he had a kind act to perform before he could come back in. He eventually caught on that the more he beat on the door, the worse things became for him. Sweetie built himself up to nine kind acts this morning. You could almost see the wheels in his brain switching gears. He had to start thinking of how to improve things instead of tearing them down. The great thing was that when he came in, my yard looked great!

I'm grateful for neighbors who trust that I'm still an okay mom even if my son is screaming, "Mom! Let me in!" in the backyard. I promise I'm not beating him. I just need to remove the angry child before someone gets hurt.

I'm doubting this tactic will work with Sweetie on red dye. I'm still trying to figure that one out. For now, he's doing fabulously in turning away from the things he knows he can't have....Thankfully.

Red Dye Success...FINALLY!

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Halloween may have been a complete failure, but Valentine's Day was SWEET SUCCESS!!!

I went to the Dollar Tree two days before Valentine's Day and purchased four bags of chocolate candies--Snickers, KitKats, Milky Ways, and Resee's Peanut Butter Cups. They were the mini size candies.

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#1 and I, as one of the miraculous money earning opportunities that has come her way, were out delivering flowers together all that day. What a BLAST! Thank you, Natalie, for asking us to do this!

#3 was given the candies and asked to trade Sweetie for the candy he got at school. I made Sweetie promise that he wouldn't eat any candy until he got home, but knowing how hard it is for a kid to see his entire class eating candy and not do it himself, I bent my rule just a bit and told him not to eat any unless it was chocolate. He agreed.

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The high schoolers got home and a few minutes later, the elementary schoolers arrived. The exchange took place.

I wasn't sure what I'd find when we got home from delivering flowers, but all seemed to be fairly peaceful. Again, today, peace.

WOAH! It worked! Sweetie didn't eat any red dye candy. I'm so very proud of him!

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Red Dye: The Whole Story to this Point

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I've been blogging about red dye since the beginning of our detection of it, but since friends have asked, I'm thinking it might be time to revisit the beginnings of these experiences. If you'd like to read more, there is a label for it on my sidebar. Click on that, and it will take you to the posts regarding this topic.

I need to share from the very beginning that my family really has no allergies or sensitivities to food, so I tend to be on the disbelieving side of things when it comes to this kind of stuff. That's where I was before this all happened.


Sweetie's (I have referred to this child as "Sweetie" for identity protection. This name was chosen as a result of my original plan to withhold sugar from Sweetie) actually been having problems with sudden violent mood swings since Sweetie was 2. I was pregnant with #7. I didn't have the energy or the ability with some health problems I was experiencing to restrain this child. I thought the rage would eventually die down and that we'd all be happy. I would put him in his room and let him rage and rage and rage. It didn't die down.

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When Sweetie was four, I ended up with a black eye during one of his rages. That finally woke me up to the fact that this wasn't normal behavior, and it wasn't getting any better, but it also wasn't consistent. It was time to mess around with things and see if there was more to this than met the eye (pun intended).

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It helped that I was raised with a brother like this. The sad thing was that I was his target too, so I feel like I'm reliving my childhood and am desperately trying to erase the target that seems to sit heavy on my chest (or eye, as the case may be).

My brother was diagnosed with "hypoglycemia" on his mission, which is no longer a valid diagnosis, from what I understand. It is known as a symptom of diabetes, so my first action was to remove sugar.

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I happened to go to a girls night out a few nights after the black eye incident and was talking to a couple of women. They asked about my eye, and I shared what had happened and what I had started with the diet. They both shared their experiences with red dye. I left that night solidly planted on the idea of removing the sugar and half-hearted about the red dye.

There have now been four incidents that have made it more than clear that this is the main problem. There may be others, but at this point, all I know is that when there is no red dye in Sweetie's system, life is good.

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By the way, Sweetie had been trick or treating at the high school earlier in the day yesterday--that's how he got the ring pop to begin with, so the experience had been there. There was a bucket full of goodies to begin with.

Okay, so other than yesterday's experience, there have been three others. Oh, I also have found out that yesterday, on the way home, Sweetie had candy corns, so there was more than just one exposure yesterday. That makes so much more sense as to his behaviors and the timing of it.

Incident #1: Spring break was a few weeks after the girls' night. While there, things were going great. Sugar was being withheld. There had been no rages. I felt that we were on top of something. I hadn't discussed the withholding of red 40 with anyone, but it was in the back of my mind.

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We were at the beach visiting family. During lunch one day, red Crystal Lite was being served--sugar-free, right? I thought it'd be great, so I left it alone. By the time lunch was over, so was the vacation. Sweetie started in raging. I was grateful we were leaving the next day. I felt terrible to be that kind of guest in someone else's home.

Incident #2: Sweetie went to a friend's house. I had discussed our food issues with this friend. She was very aware. When Sweetie got home, I realized that things weren't normal. Sweetie was slow to comply and ended up in the bedroom. The raging continued. I called the Warden because I just wasn't getting it. I had been so careful. Everything had been removed from the house. I was ready to cry.

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The Warden encouraged me to call our friend to see if she had fed Sweetie. I did. She said she'd just fed Sweetie the normal stuff--peanut butter and jelly and "Oh....Doritos." There it was.

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Incident #3: I'll just link to this one. It's a bit longer and more complicated. It ended up being a more than week long experience.


Before any of this, I'd never heard of red 40 causing behavior problems. Since our experiences, I've read up on it quite a bit. It's astounding.

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According to my friends from the girls' night, the United States is one of the only countries that allows it to be put in food. The other fact they shared that I now firmly believe is that it lasts in the system for days before it's gone.

Yesterday, after I'd been hit twice and another door had been broken, it was time to pull Halloween.

Red Dye Ruined Halloween

Life has been rather serene lately. We have hit a good pace....until yesterday.

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Circumstances were such that Sweetie got a hold of a red ring pop. We often see ring pops in the grocery store and other kids have brought them home from time to time. The things are HUGE and give hours of sugary satisfaction. Personally, I think they're GROSS, but I'm a purely chocolate person, so there you have it. If it ain't chocolate, I'm not wasting my time.

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Even at Sweetie's birthday, when store-bought cupcakes were brought, Sweetie mentioned first thing, I can't have those. That was HUGE, and I was so proud at that moment that we'd made some headway. I mean seriously, who doesn't want one of those cupcakes with the inches and inches of fluffy goodness on top?!

I honestly think Sweetie didn't think. The thought was more of the nature of the item than the color of it.

Anyway, we didn't catch it quick enough, but it was taken away quickly once it was found. I was hopeful that we'd not have too much hubbub because of it.

Oh! Was I wrong!!!

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At school, Sweetie's work was erratic and hurried. I volunteered in the classroom, so I was able to observe it first hand. After school, things got crazy. We have a new hole in a door. There were other extremely negative things that happened, but I will refrain from mentioning them here. I just want to give a little taste of what red 40 does to our child. Without red 40, these things NEVER happen. The only thing I can compare the effect of red 40 to is bipolar disorder--from sweet to psycho in no time flat.

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There seems to be some amount of disconnect with Sweetie. This is the same with a couple of my children. The idea that actions lead to consequences just doesn't compute. With all that was going on, I could not see sending this child out into the night to collect up more red items to cause more of this kind of chaos. I understand that Sweetie's behavior was affected by an outside substance, but a drunk driver is still prosecuted, isn't he? Sweetie had to account for choosing to have red dye. There must be a point where Sweetie starts to understand that the benefits of not having it are greater than succumbing to the desire for it.

Sweetie finally took a nap and was wakened for dinner. The Warden and I took Sweetie aside and shared that trick or treating just wasn't going to happen. It broke my heart. Let me just tell you, the phrase in the scriptures about "weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth..." Yup. I totally get that one now.

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We did however, tell Sweetie that we needed someone in costume who would hand the candy to the trick or treaters. That job was Sweetie's. Somehow that helped, and Sweetie did a fantastic job.

After the Warden left with the other kids, I turned on a movie for us to watch and Sweetie snuggled right in to my shoulder. When the doorbell rang, I paused the show, and Sweetie took care of the necessary actions to make sure everyone was happy. There were no more tears.

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One other deal was made that we all agreed upon....When they got home, those who trick or treated would share ten pieces of candy with Sweetie. This way we could control just what was consumed.

I was pleasantly surprised to see my trick or treaters arrive home and so generously share with Sweetie. I remember practically placing armed guards around my Halloween candy as a child.

For the future, I'm afraid that unless something is done to ban red 40, our family is going to have to come up with a new plan for celebrating Halloween. Poor Sweetie!

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Oh, by the way, even those carmel apple suckers have red dye in them.

Making Medicine Not So Yucky

In an attempt to avoid red dye, #6 is currently taking cephalexin (an antibiotic for strep throat) in capsule form. Only, because he can't swallow the capsules, I have to open them and stir the powder into applesauce. It smells like the rubber from tires. Coming from a woman who spent part of her childhood in a Firestone shop, believe me, I'm well acquainted with the smell of tires.

As I stir, I shake my head that I'm putting this putrid stuff into my child's mouth. The one consolation...it's working. He's looking and feeling much better, and we don't have the lousy side-effects of Red 40.

In this process, also, we've discovered a new trick....Chocolate!

I taught #6 that most of his taste buds are on the front of his tongue, so in order to avoid them, we put the spoon far into his mouth, so that the medicine lands on the farther portion. He swallows quickly, takes a drink of water, and then puts a Hershey's kiss on his tongue. The chocolate coats his tongue and covers up the retread taste.

He now doesn't complain about the medicine any more. This morning, he actually reminded me that I needed to give it to him.

Another Sickie

Last night, I baked a bunch of potatoes for a baked potato bar for dinner. The Warden walked in after work and announced that he wanted to take us to dinner, so we got in the car and headed for IHOP. At the IHOP in Hillsboro, kids eat free every night of the week, so that's where we headed.

On our way, from the back seat, we get the report that one of the kids is "being gross." The Warden and I agree that we need to crack down on this kind of behavior from this particular child and since we have to go pick up one of our cars from the shop and will thus have two cars for the evening, one of us will drive said child home--no second chances.

We get to the shop to pick up the car, all of the other kids get out, and we jump in the newly repaired van. The "gross" child doesn't even argue. Hmm....Strange. The Warden takes the child home.

I take the rest of the kids to dinner--bummer when it was the Warden's idea. We eat and go home. I order something huge, and when I order, I ask for half of it to be placed in a box to take home for the Warden. It's a rather quiet dinner with only part of our crew there.

When I get home and present the Warden with his dinner, he shares with me that the child he took home was nearly asleep in the car before they even got home. Very weird. I go upstairs, and sure enough, that child is fast asleep.

Around 10:30pm, after the other kids and I finish folding laundry, while watching our nightly episode of "The Biggest Loser" on Netflix, the child wakes complaining of being unable to swallow. I look and sure enough, the child's glands are huge as are the tonsils--to the point of crowding the uvula. Eek!

I call the advice nurse and am told to put the child in the bathroom with the shower running so there will be some steam to help bring the swollen tonsils down a bit. We make an appointment for this afternoon, but I am told that I can take the child to the nurse treatment room to get a throat culture done any time.

I opt to go the throat culture route, so at 9am, we go in. The child stands next to me as we wait to sign in and shivers--noticeably shaking. The test comes back negative for strep, but they will culture it for 24 hours. In the meantime, I go up to our pediatrician's office and speak to our doctor's assistant. She had called while we were getting the culture done, not even knowing we were there, wanting to know about faxing some physical forms for sports and scouts and when they were due. I decide to go see her and answer her questions after we're done at the lab.

We do, and next thing we know, she has us talking to an advice nurse about the sick child and the next thing we know after that, we are in an exam room with a doctor who's had some no-shows. I'm guessing it was pretty clear by the way the sick child was leaning on me that things were not okay. I express gratitude to all of them for making things work so well for our child.

Although the immediate lab test came back negative, the doctor gives me the option of administering antibiotics until we know the results of the 24 hour test. If that test comes back negative, we stop the antibiotics. If it comes back positive, we continue. If symptoms worsen within the next two or three days, I take the child back in.

I ask the doctor to prescribe medicine without red dye. She tells me to speak to the pharmacist about this, and if they have a better solution, she will change her order. After requesting that of the pharmacist, it takes a bit of time, but we come across the answer to the red dye problem--the child will have to take the medicine in capsule form. Who knew it would be so tricky to find something without Red 40 in it?

Since the tonsils are as huge as they are, I'm doubting the child will be able to get the capsules down, so we'll sprinkle them on applesauce and administer it that way. I'm remembering my mom doing that for us kids with ice cream and cold medicine that looked like sprinkles. EEW! I have never trusted sprinkles since.

Guess what....No red dye!

We stop at the store on the way home to get the applesauce in the little cups and some all fruit popsicles. As we go through the check out line, I look over at the child and there is the child standing leaning over with a cheek on the metal part that lies around the conveyor belt. Poor kid!

We get home, and the child disappears to the bedroom. This is a child who hates naps, but a nap must have been needed. I haven't seen the child since. The medicine has to be administered every twelve hours, so I am opting to start it before bedtime. I'm hoping it will achieve its desired results.

#4 is making dinner tonight. Baked potato bar it is. Glad to make things easier for him.

Hoping your summer's starting off a bit better than ours, but I'm grateful for the tender mercies that just keep coming our way.

Peace Destroyed

The last four days have been hellish. I'm not even kidding. Sweetie's been more than a handful, and I've noticed that my voice has been raised each day. I really am not a yeller by nature. One of the great things about giving kids choices is that it puts the power of many situations in the kids' hands and power struggles are diverted thus a calmer mother. From Tuesday on this week, The kids have gotten home from school, and I've been absolutely spent.

Since Tuesday, every day I have given Sweetie choices and the downward spiral has begun and run its terrible course. Last night, the Warden came home with a vase of flowers in his hand. What a GREAT guy! He knew how hard I've been trying to keep it together and just how difficult it's been. Sweetie's been violent, mean, and destructive. It's been AWFUL!

 This morning, the house is quiet. The Warden and I are laying here in bed, and he says, "Who knows what's in the medicine [Sweetie's] taking."

 WOAH! Wait a minute!!!

Let me share the story with you....

Monday, I took Sweetie to school. I was told that there had been a lot of coughing going on. They had actually called my cell phone and asked me to come get Sweetie, but I didn't get the message until I had already brought Sweetie home. Ugh! Yah, a real mother of the year moment.

Things seemed very similar to asthma, but they were so different. I heard no wheezing. There was no caving in of the chest, but Sweetie's heart was beating SUPER fast and hard. I went ahead and started treating it as asthma. I got out the nebulizer and administered a treatment.

Sweetie's asthma has been so non-existent that when #5 was having all of his asthma struggles this winter, and we mentioned Sweetie's asthma, Sweetie was so surprised to hear that one of the inhalers in the cupboard was for Sweetie. I'm hopeful that Sweetie will outgrow asthma as #2 did.

Anyway, back to the story at hand....

Gave the treatment and Sweetie went right down for a nap and later woke with a fever. Hmm...asthma doesn't have a fever.

By evening, Sweetie sounded TERRIBLE. It takes quite a bit to get the Warden alarmed, and it was clear that he was worried. I called the advice nurse. They weren't feeling that Sweetie was in imminent danger but made an appointment for the next morning.

I took Sweetie in to see the doctor the next day. The doctor agreed that this was most likely not asthma. She listened with her stethoscope over and over and over. Finally she said that she'd like us to go down and have his chest x-rayed.

We did. I need to share that during all of this and for days and days prior to this, things have been SUPER heavenly with Sweetie. Things have been, for the most part, happy and calm in our house. We have been on a good path.  During all of this time at the doctor and interaction between just Sweetie and me, things have been really functional and great.

We got the X-ray taken. They had Sweetie stand for it. Sweetie's body shook while it was being taken. The trembling had started that morning--one of the symptoms that had the Warden really concerned. The shaking made me feel really sad and sorry for Sweetie, but the X-ray was done with no problems. Sweetie was told to hold still and Sweetie did--very compliant and well...sweet. I was very proud of Sweetie.

We went back up and within moments, there, on the computer screen (isn't the age we live in amazing?), was Sweetie's chest. I really didn't need anyone to tell me what I was looking at. It was apparent that there was some cloudiness in both lungs. We were dealing with the beginnings of either bronchitis or pneumonia, the doctor shared. After viewing the X-ray, she added that one of Sweetie's ears looked a bit red. Antibiotics were prescribed.

 I went downstairs to the pharmacy while a nebulizer treatment was run. I returned just after the treatment finished and administered the first, and largest, dose of Zithromax. Sweetie, I was directed, is to take the Zithromax for five days.

We left the clinic and went to get something to eat. We went to Wendy's. I bought Sweetie some chicken nuggets, French fries and a small vanilla Frosty.

In the car on the way home, things started to get a bit different. I can't really describe what it was because it was way back on Tuesday, but I remember sitting in the hallway later and looking to see if there may have been some ingredients in Sweetie's lunch that may have caused the behaviors. It was really as if a switch had been flipped. Scary! I finally concluded that it must have been the corn syrup or the sugar in the Frosty. I was never going to buy one of those again.

I got Sweetie home and into bed for a nap. There was a bit of a struggle, but because Sweetie wasn't feeling good, sleep finally overtook.

Each day since Tuesday has been a HUGE struggle. There have been frightening moments of violence. I am usually the target. I had been so happy in these last few weeks to see these days gone. I COULD NOT figure out why they had returned. I have been doing everything the same way as usual. I've watched everything that's gone into Sweetie's mouth. I have served protein to balance every sugar. I have been making bread. Really, every safeguard has been taken.

Everything, that is, except for one thing--a necessary evil.  This brings us to this morning's conversation with the Warden....

All the Warden said was, "Who knows what's in that medicine [Sweetie's] taking." He was thinking about sugar, corn syrup, etc. I suddenly realized what color the medicine is....RED!

Every day since Tuesday, I have been administering red 40 to Sweetie. Every day since, I have dealt with a demon child the very best I could. Every day, giving the same choices I usually do, Sweetie has chosen the worst possible options. Since removing red 40 from our home, I have learned that this poor decision making isn't in Sweetie's nature. I am convinced that Sweetie's biggest problem is not so much sugar as it is red dye.

Today is the last day of the medicine. I will administer it around 1pm and then buckle my seat belt and prepare for the bumpy ride that lies ahead. The only problem is that red dye stays in the system for days from what I've heard and what I've experienced.

 If you think about it, most children's medicines are tinted red, pink, orange or purple--some amount of red is included to make each of these.

 If I ever doubted before, I don't any more. Red 40 turns my heaven into hell.

The Next Chapter on Sweetie

We've been doing great keeping Sweetie off sugar.

The other day, I promised the kids that I'd make them brownies in a mug for helping clean house.  When all was said and done, and I was pulling the sugar off the shelf, I realized my blunder and turned to Sweetie and said, "Oh no!  I can't make you a brownie in a mug.  It's got sugar in it."  Sweetie just replied with, "Okay."  What?!  All was fine.  SHOCK!

The other thing I had removed from Sweetie's diet was red dye.  I hadn't told anyone I was doing it, but after talking to a couple of friends and having them tell me about some of its effects on behavior, I decided that I'd do that too.

We were doing great until early this week.  We were at the beach and served red Crystal Light for lunch--sugar free, but definitely not red dye free.  I thought twice about it but then thought, "Well, we'll see if this makes a difference."

After the fact, I regretted it.  He was doing so well and then UGH!  The bomb dropped, and we were back to square one with his behavior.  What my friend told me was true.  It took three days for him to go back to normal-ish.

I say normal-ish because there are some habits that have been built up over time that we're needing to undo.  I think I already shared that I would just put Sweetie in the bedroom and hope that Sweetie would figure things out.  Well, Sweetie didn't figure things out, so there needs to be some retraining.  I think I have come up with a cure; a way to defuse the situation when things get out of control.

I ask Sweetie to come over and talk to me, and I whisper, "I love you" in Sweetie's ear.  That's the first thing I say as a reminder to both Sweetie and to myself--sometimes in these kinds of situations, I need to remind myself to stay calm.  These three words mellow Sweetie out almost immediately.  I try to be compassionate and understanding.  I share what I think Sweetie's feeling and ask if I'm right.  If I get an affirmative, I work with Sweetie to come up with a solution.  So far this has worked beautifully.