Commandment #6: Give Everything You’ve Got

The commandments I have created for myself are not things that I do perfectly.  Quite the opposite.  These are things I feel strongly about, and things I feel I have real need for improvement on.  These are challenges for myself.  Things I want to do better at in my life.

You'll notice that this commandment doesn't say, "Give IT everything you've got," but just simply, "Give everything you've got."  This commandment follows the idea that if you have it, its yours to give away; although, it also incorporates the concept of give the best of what you've got.  All that we have are gifts anyway.  These gifts are given to bless the lives of others.

As Anne Frank said, "No one has ever become poor by giving."


I am of the firm belief that all that we have is on loan.  It's not, any of it, ours in the first place--our time, our talents, our possessions....Because I have received so abundantly, it's my opportunity to give it away.  To be selfish about anything is foolishness.

I will assert, however, that this isn't always easy.  I also would like to state that giving willy nilly is foolishness.  There have been times when I've seen someone on the side of the road with a sign and felt very strongly urged inside my heart to give them something.  There have been others when I have not.  There have been times when I've known that instead of running off to a meeting, I've needed to stay behind and take the time to talk to and listen to someone.  These things all fall under this commandment.  Do what is best--follow your heart.

Life is short, and we only go around once, so every minute should be our best, or we should use these minutes wisely.








I need to add, for my own encouragement, that the times when I've given unselfishly, I know I have been rewarded for doing so almost immediately.

I've been told that there are two kinds of people in this world--the givers and the takers.  I want to be a giver.

To quote a woman I deeply admire:

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley


Life is short.  It's our opportunity in it to gain through giving.

Commandment #5 - Act as If

When I first found The Happiness Project, I started that night to create my own twelve commandments.  Little by little, I'm explaining each.  Here we are at number five.

Gretchen Rubin, the writer of The Happiness Project, says that one of the things you can do to help create your own commandments is to think of phrases that have stuck with you.  This commandment is courtesy of my dad.  I would actually call this my dad's catch phrase.  I mean, if someone were to come up to me and ask me what my dad's parenting phrase was, I'd say this...

"Act as if."

...which I guess is very similar to "fake it til you make it."

There have been a few times in my life when I've found myself in really uncomfortable situations, and I remembered and used my dad's words, and it changed the situation completely.

The first was my first semester at BYU.  I was the only Freshman I knew there.  I had an upper classman friend or two, but they lived off campus.  Having lived in the same house since I was three and attending school with the same people my entire growing up, I was in a completely new world.  I had to learn how to make friends starting from scratch.

One night as I walked out on the quad and passed the statue of Brigham Young, it hit me--not that Brigham Young has anything to do with this story, but just that the idea was so stark that I remember exactly where I was when it happened.  I decided that I had to "act as if" and put a smile on my face and pretend that I was happy.

It worked.

There's much more to that story, and I met one of my dearest friends that night, and we're still in touch after all these years, but that's an entire post in and of itself, so that'll wait for another time.

The other time was when we (four sisters and five elders) received our first assignments in the mission field.  Those first days in the mission home, I decided to have a good attitude no matter what.

When we got our assignments at breakfast the last morning in the mission home, I learned that I was heading to Aomori and would spend the entire day on the train and have two transfers.  I would have all of my luggage with me and would have to make it alone.  The other missionaries (most of them) were going fairly close by--an hour or two away at the most.  I was traveling farthest.

To be honest, I was petrified--what if I got lost?  What if I couldn't read a sign or failed to get off the train at the right place?  How would I communicate and get myself back on track?  No one knew that I was having these thoughts.  I had already decided that I wasn't going to let the worry get the best of me.  I said only positive things, and my demeanor followed suit.  It ended up being a fun adventure.

So, here's the bottom line...If you don't want to do something, act as if you do.  If you don't particularly care for someone, act as if you do.  The amazing thing is, from what I've experienced with this rule, if you can make yourself believe it, it comes to pass.

Commandment #4: Do It Now!

This is a little ditty I learned from taking college classes.  Originally, when I set up my class schedule, I put statistics as the very last class I would take.  I absolutely DREADED taking it!

As time went on, and I took other courses, I realized that I really wanted to end the experience on a good note, so I changed the timing of statistics.  I placed three electives last--things I thought would be fun (I was a little bit wrong thinking that personal finance was going to be fun, but I still learned a lot).

In the end, I was very glad that I did this.  What I really wish, though, was that I'd taken stats first and just gotten it out of the way.

So, that's the nature of this commandment....Don't put off the things you dread.  Get them over with.

Along with this are two other ideas that go along with it.  If you truly dread something, cut it up into babysteps and do one, or two if you're feeling really adventurous, each day.  When you've done the babystep, take a minute to look at what you've accomplished and give yourself a pat on the back.

One thing BYU sent out with the first class was a form on which you assigned yourself different tasks for each day and how you would reward yourself once you were done.  I loved those things.  I got, over time, so I didn't need them any more, but they were great motivation there are first.

The big phrase in our house right now is "doing anything is better than doing nothing at all."  Those words tie in great with this commandment.  Just do something that'll get you going in the right direction--anything no matter how small that thing might be.

At church a number of weeks ago, a man spoke and shared something along these lines:  "Don’t let any generous/good impulse pass unfulfilled."  These have stuck with me ever since.  You know when you just think, "Oh, I should really help that person put her groceries on the conveyor belt" or "I should go over and talk to that person."  But, immediately following you think, "But she'll probably think I'm rude and being impatient" or "But I've got all these kids here right now, so I'd better not."  Along the lines of "do it now" fall these kinds of impulses.  If you feel it, do it!

So, here's what this commandment is all about....
*No more putting of things you're dreading--just dive in.
  I dove into my gift wrap box this evening.  Ugh!  But it's now done, and I have a newly cleaned corner of my laundry room.
*If you truly dread something, create babysteps that are a little less frightening to get you there.  While you take them, look back and cheer yourself on.
*Don't put off or excuse yourself from any generous impulse you might have.  You never know where this kind of action might lead you.

This all goes back to that quote I love so much...
The best time to plant a tree was 25 years ago; the second best time is now.
It's time to stop making excuses and just get 'er done.

Commandment #3: This is it!

I linked to this video, but it's so touching that if you didn't watch it before, please take a minute and do so now.....

As I'm getting older, I swear I'm becoming more and more opinionated.  As we sat in presidency meeting a couple weeks ago, one of us brought up the point that some women were unhappy about working with their own child or working with certain groups of kids.  Well, I had just watched this video just a few weeks prior, and I immediately climbed up on my soapbox and shared my feelings about being happy with whatever we're doing at the moment.  I'm convinced that it's just a matter of changing your mind.  It's a decision to be happy.  I truly believe this.  

I took Gretchen's quote and altered it just a bit.  "The days are long but life is short." As I'm looking at my #1 heading off to college, I'm now facing the reality of what everyone has warned me about since she was a baby, "It goes by so fast."

I remember when our ward split when she was less than 2-years-old.  The Primary president's last priority was filling the nursery with leaders.  They had what was called a "self-service" nursery.  In my opinion, this was doing a lot of members of the ward a disservice as they were trying to get something out of church, so I volunteered to be the nursery leader.  I remember feeling a bit resentful about being my daughter's teacher.  I was with her all day everyday.  Couldn't someone else do this job?  But, I knew others were benefitting from my service.  I never verbalized those feelings to anyone, but to be honest, I felt them.  Now that I look back, I'm ashamed of myself.  I wish those thoughts had never been allowed to enter my brain.  I did overcome them back then, but I wish I had just been happy with everything life afforded me and saw the great blessings for working with the children from day one--especially the chance to be with my daughter.  Little did I know back then how fast the time would pass.

In all of this lies the challenge--Enjoy every second of everyday with whatever I do.  One thing I've learned is that I'm really not in charge of my life.  I mean, I'm allowed to make my own decisions, but the outcome is often not mine to decide.  If I truly have faith and know that God is there and is aware of me, shouldn't I have every reason to trust Him and know that it will all turn out for my good in the end?  I believe so.  Therefore, I have no reason not to be happy even if the situation seems the very worst it can be.  This is the challenge of life, and this is why this is one of my commandments--it's hard for me to keep perspective sometimes.

So, there you have it...This IS it!  This is all we've got.  Why not be happy with it no matter what "it" is?  That's the challenge...no, that's the commandment.

Commandment #2: Be My Best Friend

There was once a time in my teen years when I made a huge mistake.  I had to go talk to the person it effected, and I was scared to do so, but I knew I had to free my conscience and make things right.

Before I went to talk to that person, I sought counsel from my dad.  I will never forget his words...

He said, "Jole, if your best friend was sitting next to you during all this, would she treat you the way you're treating yourself?"

No question, I was being super hard on myself and could see no reason why the other party would forgive me.  Heck, how could that person EVER forgive me if I couldn't even forgive myself?

Because of his words, I was able to find some love for myself and during the conversation with the other party, I imagined my best friend sitting there.  It made things so much easier and was quite relieved when the other person forgave me with no hesitation.  WHEW!

Even now, though, when I make mistakes, I find it hard to forgive myself.  Therefore, my second commandment is to "be my best friend"--to be the first to forgive myself and give myself the benefit of the doubt.  I do it for others all the time.  Why is it so hard to do it for me?  I know my own heart and my own intentions, and it's never do another person harm.  Should be an easy one, right?  Well, we shall see.

Commandment #1: Be Julie

I kind of already blogged about this topic, but that was before I understood that Gretchen's commandments were Gretchen's commandments, and mine needed to be personalized for me.

The one I want to write about is commandment #11, but I figure I'll eventually get there.

When I had child #4, a friend gave me a book.  She said that by the time you have #4, baby gifts should be for the mom, not so much for the baby.  I think I agree with this line of thinking, and she gave me the most wonderful book.

I got so I would read it every morning and follow the instructions each day.  It was a fun little exercise.  It spoke of your "authentic self" and being true to who you really are.

 My authentic self?

One day it said to go find a photo of yourself around the age of 11.  Eleven, for most of us, was when you were really true to yourself.  You wore what you wanted to just because you wanted to.  You didn't care what other people thought about what you did or said, you just did and said them because it was part of who you were.

I remember for my birthday in first or second grade, my mom threw me a party.   The week prior, my friends would come up to me and ask me what I wanted for my birthday.  I told every one of them that I wanted puzzles.  I wasn't smart enough to tell them each something different, so for my birthday, I was given jigsaw puzzle on top of jigsaw puzzle.  I was in heaven.  I look back on that and see that that's a point in my life when I was true to my nature.  By nature, I'm a thinker, and it's when I would sit and do a puzzle that my brain would wander and take me to new thoughts and ideas--something I truly enjoyed.

Once you hit adolescence and start caring about being popular and having friends and following the crowd, you've lost a lot of your originality and you become one of the many.  Sad, huh?  I never ask for puzzles any more

Me at 11.

So, the point is, how do we get back to who we really are?  How can we recapture 11 and feel good about who we are inside our skin and not worry quite so much about what everybody else sees?  How can I go around and not apologize quite so much for those traits that are mine and mine alone?  How can I just feel good about being me again like I did before I cared about what others thought of me?

I think there are little glimmers that still remain.  As I look at this photo of me at 11, I have to laugh.  Just this morning I was getting dressed.  I grabbed a knee-high sock and put it on.  As I did so, I thought, I really love knee-high socks.  I hardly ever wear them, but as I put them on, I felt really happy in my heart.  I pulled out this photo to scan this afternoon, and this little recognition of where that feeling originated resonated inside of me.  The knee socks are my 11-year-old self coming out.  Funny!

So, the challenge of commandment #1 is to get back in touch with the old me.  When I have decisions to make, I need to remember to "be Julie" and choose what I feel best about and not choose it because someone I think is totally fantastic would do it.

So, what about you?  What did you love to do when you were 11?  What did you wear?  How did you act?  Are you different now?   How are you being true to your authentic self? 



So, there you have it, commandment #1.  If you're wondering about my cupboard cleaning adventures, yes, I have avoided the top of the fridge for two days now.  I'm just thoroughly enjoying the clean ones, but I will do it tonight.

The Happiness Project: Personalized Commandments

The night I found the Happiness Project, I had some fun working to figure out just what my own commandments would be.  I looked through Gretchen's (the creator of the Happiness Project) and kind of revised a few of those, but for the most part, I took things that are important to me and listed them.  These are just preliminary notes.  There are some great stories behind some of them.  I think as time goes on, I'll post about each and give some background.  Here's my list:

My 12 Commandments

1.      Be Julie

a.       accepting my true likes and dislikes

b.      realize my limitations

c.       let go of all the things that I am not

                                                              i.      "I have a lot of notions about what I wish I liked to do, of the subjects and occupations that I wish interested me. But it doesn’t matter what I wish I were like. I am [Julie]" - Gretchen Rubin

                                                            ii.      "It’s possible -- in fact quite easy -- to construct a life quite unrelated to our nature." - Gretchen Rubin

d.      Accept others just as they are.

e.       I want to “Be Julie,” yet I also want to change myself for the better.

f.       Rejoice in what you are; be authentic

2.      Be my best friend

a.       Be the first to forgive myself

b.      Keep things in perspective

                                                              i.      The world will not end

1.      Unless I choose to push the button, that is.

c.       Let it go and move on

3.      This is it!

a.       The days are long but life is short. - Adapted from a quote by Gretchen Rubin.

b.      Enjoy every second of everyday with whatever I do.

4.      Do it now!

a.       Don’t put off what you dread.

b.      Babysteps are all that matter.

c.       Don’t let any generous/good impulse pass unfulfilled

5.      Act as if

a.       So you don’t want to do it?  Act as if you do.

b.      So you don’t like that person?  Act as if you do.

6.      Give everything you’ve got.

a.       It’s all on loan.

b.      Be all I can be every minute.

c.       Do my best work.

d.      Give because I’ve received so abundantly.

7.      Trust

a.       God’s got your back, but you have to let Him have it.

8.      Don’t complain; do something!

9.      Smile no matter what.

10.  Say a little prayer.

11.  Own the street.

a.       Get to know others who’re visiting your street.

b.      Be warm and welcoming.

12.  Take care of me.

a.       Don’t sabotage yourself.

b.      If you don’t take care of you, who’s going to.

c.       Don’t be afraid to do ALL the things you know you should.

d.      Do hard things—yah, just do them!

Running into Things

I just ran across this website.  I'm fascinated!

I started here.




I'm totally going to start my own project, and I'm thinking this being the beginning of the year is a perfect time to start.

Just the idea of her first commandment enthralls me.  After reading that post that I linked to, I can see that I frequently tell myself I'm something I'm not or put myself down because I'm not how I wish I was.  The sad thing about that is how often do I tell myself that I really have some great traits.

It's funny, when I get with my sister, I tell her how great she is--she is so organized and lives in a beautiful home.  She knows just the right things to say in any situation.  **sigh** I wish I was more like her.

But, then you get her side of things....She, looking from her eyes, is doing the same thing with me--I have no fear of speaking in public at the drop of a hat.  I am outgoing and open.  I'm not afraid to stand my ground.  She sighs and wishes she had these traits too.

We are two very different people.  I joke that if you were to put us together, you'd have the perfect person.

I need to somehow look at myself through my sister's eyes.  I need to remember that I am Julie.  Of course, I need to improve myself and take opportunities that come my way, but what's wrong with embracing me where I am now on this path and not trying to take such huge steps forward all the time.

It's kind of like buying clothes three sizes too small and putting them in your closet for the day when they'll fit.  Of course, when you buy them, you know that day will probably never come.  This is what I do with many things in life.  I think, sure I'll do that.  I'm going to suddenly grow the traits that'll make that a successful venture.  It'll be great.  Ha!  Yah right.

I'm excited to give this happiness project a go.

Let me know if you're in too.  It'd be fun to take this little journey together.

So far I've given this a quick perusal and read that first commandment--"Be Julie."  More to come as time allows--see, I've already come to understand this about myself--my time isn't always my own.  This cannot possibly be at the top of my priority list, but it will happen; it is important.