Darn IT!

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The last 20 minutes before #7 left were spent laboring over the word "it." "I, igloo, i-i-i. T, turtle, t-t-t." Over and over again. Each page began with "It."

The following two words came easy once we could get past "it," but each page was another hurdle to climb up and over as soon as the page was turned.

IT! How hard can it be?

The strange thing is that "is" is no problem. That's her word…"is." Why couldn't "it" be "is?" We would have easily passed this book on, but no, we've been working on this single book for four days now.

The previous books were easy to memorize and pretend that she was reading the words; the pictures were simple enough to read. She'd take one book back every day and bring home a new one….Encouraging. But again tonight, we will be left with "it" once again.

It seems that the Hess family is going to be entering a new world….A world of testing and working to overcome some obstacles that at times, I'm sure, are going to feel insurmountable.

Funny….While we struggled with "I can't do this!" for the past twenty minutes, she tapped a cute little tune with her fingers on the book. It was perfectly syncopated. It, I'm sure, went along with the tune going on in her mind. There is so much more there….more than a little girl who struggles to connect the idea that letters have sounds and those sounds don't change.

That little rhythm somehow played as a little reminder to me that this child is unique. There are obvious weaknesses and difficulties, but there is also so, so, SO much more….So much potential.

The Madhouse at this Point

The time has come…..

Sheesh! It's been FOREVER since I've been here. It feels strange to sit down in front of this screen and write. I know you probably don't even care why I haven't written, and really, I have no reasons for not, but it's become pretty clear that I need to get at this again.

I went to Time Out for Women a number of weeks ago now. I always feel so uplifted and inspired when I go each year, but this year's take-away for me was interesting….More than anything, I felt that I needed to get back to writing. Seeing that TOFW was so many weeks ago, you can see how quick I am to actually do things about what I feel. Oops!

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The funny thing is that although I haven't been writing, recently, three or four times a week, when I sign on to Facebook, I find a notification telling me that someone new "likes Hesses Madhouse." Huh? Okay, well, I'd better get back on it.



First order of business--getting #1's mission emails up to date. That will happen in the next few days, so watch for a barrage of info from the Philippines. She's doing great and is preparing to return home…..Even to the point of having signed up for her college classes.

It seems that her emails will be replaced fairly soon--we're not sure when, but #2 is awaiting his call. His papers went in last Tuesday, and we've heard that calls can arrive in as early as ten days, so we are right now, very patiently awaiting some important mail. I will share that information here as much as I can.

If you've been wondering….everyone here is doing great. We have our ups and downs, but all in all, life is good. #1 gets home right before Christmas. #2 broke his leg, had surgery, and is still recovering--in a boot after many weeks on the couch--while he awaits his mission call. The doctors gave him full clearance, so he really could be called to serve anywhere in the world.  The fact is the broken leg put him out of work, so just after he'd finished earning the money needed for his mission, he was laid up….Nice timing, and great for me that I get to have this time with him before he goes….I'm NOT complaining in the slightest. One warning about #2, he intentionally doesn't smile in pictures. He'll be laughing and smiling and the moment he sees my phone primed and ready to snap a picture of him, he'll change his expression--just for me. **SIGH**

#3 is looking forward to taking over #2's room (known as the "tower"). She's all about choir and Pinterest and selfies (or in this case, "groupies").….

See what I mean about #2?

#4 is wishing he was playing indoor soccer for the winter, but I failed on the sign ups. Same holds true with #5 and winter basketball….These are the reasons my children will write their "Mommy Dearest" books. I guess you can say I got my defense going here, so you can vouch for me at their book signings. As I'm looking at it now, though, winter's going to be busy enough. These are just some activities that need to be nixed for now. 

#4 is in high school now and seems to be doing pretty well. He's taking an AP class, which has been challenging, but freshman year is such a huge learning opportunity, right? He's getting by and learning some lessons the hard way--the best way. The lessons learned the hard way are those that aren't soon forgotten, right? #4 is also ready to take on an Eagle project, so that will be a huge focus this winter.

#5 is now in middle school. He seems to like it. He's riding his bike to and from school each day and is playing the trumpet in band. He hasn't quite learned how to combine both--get his trumpet to school on his bike, so we're definitely open to any ideas anyone has. Believe it or not….That's one offering I haven't been able to find on Pinterest. You look up "bike" and "trumpet," and this is what you get….

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/63331938481553458/

Like that idea, as he may, that just ain't gonna happen. Neighbors, you're welcome!

#6 is enjoying school for the most part. He's all about Legos….Can't wait to get home and create. I have to hide them away so he can get more important things done first. Believe it or not, I have found THE BEST hiding spot. I thought it wasn't possible anymore, but it's like hiding something out in the open. He walks by the spot everyday but so far hasn't figured out that that's where they are….Amazing! Oh, my chocolate stash has found a new awesome home too. If you ever need to find a place to hide things, just ask me….I've become the master stasher. That's what having seven kids'll do to you….Oh, the skills!

#7 is in kindergarten. She is so full of life that school is tricky. She loves it….everything about it, but after having the kid who read Harry Potter as a kindergartener, it's interesting to have one who struggles with reading so much. Again, I'm learning new skills here. She's taking dance, which is perfect for her. She will frequently show off her moves no matter what tune is playing in the house.

There's a little update on all of them. As for me, I was writing quite a bit there for awhile even after I took my little blogging hiatus, but as that dissipated, shipping things to the Philippines took over. It was kind of a nice little change. I had a writing offer, but I sadly had to turn it down because the Christmas rush was on. Now, I help get things from point A to point B and offer a less expensive shipping resource to parents who have kids serving missions in the Philippines. It has been a BLAST! I have met so many wonderful people through this and feel like, with so many of them things just click. I feel like I'm shipping for my friends, and what could be better than that?

So, things of biggest importance around here right now…..

• Getting a house ready for a young woman to return home to--decluttering, painting, cleaning and scouring.

• Awaiting a mission call.

• Shipping Christmas packages for missionaries--lots and lots of them. 

• Surviving the everyday running around while attempting to create happy, functional children and striving to make a house a home…..which includes: groceries, laundry, tidying (endlessly).

Among all of this, look for more on this blog. You may wonder how I plan to do the things on my little but massive list. Well….there are some changes in the works, so be looking for those as well. I'm hopeful that there will be a little less madness in the Madhouse thanks to what I have in mind.

So now for #1's emails…..

Something for the Future?

I mentioned on Facebook the other day that all of my family will be in school for at least some part of every weekday this school year. A friend commented and said that I could take a college class or two now. Wow! I hadn't even thought of that. I guess I'm a bit skeptical after last year's tough schedule if I really am going to have some time to myself.

I had totally planned it last year. It was, I thought, a foolproof plan, but budget cuts messed me up when the morning kindergarten schedule I had planned for was changed to afternoon. I ended up with no time to myself. I had at least one child with me at all times.

I traded some time with a friend, but that time became volunteering in the school time. My fault? Yes, but that's such a high priority to me. I couldn't see not spending time in my younger kids' classrooms.

I had mentioned earlier on that we were contemplating homeschooling one of our children this year. That plan, too, changed. Once we knew who his teacher would be, we knew he would thrive and public school would be great. The Warden and I met with the teacher and laid out a plan together. I have no doubt this will be a good year for that child.

So, although we will have all of our children but one in school full-time, I'm still not trusting that I'm going to have time to myself. I have made no plans.

When my friend made that comment about taking a class, I have to admit, I was intrigued by the idea. I
figure now that I have my bachelor's degree, a masters is somewhat alluring. I took a little peek at what was available in my area. The thought of being a grown up with the education to really do something with is SO intriguing. I decided that there are two things I'd like to do in the future....I'd either like to major in linguistics and maybe use it to teach English as a second language or have some kind of certificate in genealogy research.

I know that this kind of thought is out of the question for now. Even the thought of being alone for a few minutes a few hours for a few days a week is past my comprehension at this point, but next year....who knows. Maybe I'll go for it.

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The Future

Family pictures tomorrow! I've been planning and plotting just what color combinations we're going to wear. It's funny. I used to dread this, but I think I have it kind of figured out now to the point that it's fun. We'll see how it turns out once we're all dressed in the morning.

#1 spoke along with 13 other waiting missionaries at our stake conference today. She was asked to share her testimony and what helped her prepare for her mission. She did a good job. They all did. It was so fun to see them all up there. I think there were an equal number of women and men. Some were staying in the states and others were leaving the country. I think that was an equal division as well.

I've got a fun post sitting on the back burner just waiting to be finished and posted, so look forward to that one--hopefully tomorrow.

image: continuumseniors.com

Summer's getting closer, and my time at the preschool is coming to a close. It's been SO fun! I've loved being around the preschoolers, but the high schoolers have been fabulous! You know, people give "the youth of today" such a bad time. Now that I think about it, they did for my generation too, but these young adults give me hope in the future. They're just caring, responsible, great people. It's been a true pleasure to work with them. So, that will go on through May, and then when graduation hits--first week of June (I think), we'll be done.

Next school year looks like it's going to hold some changes for our family--more on that in a future post. There have been some challenges that have brought about a need to think outside my usually comfortable box.

As far as #1's mission goes, she's ready. She has immunizations to get still, but we're kind of in a
holding pattern.

See the resemblance?

Another thing she's been asked to do in preparation for her mission is to investigate her roots and come up with four generations of her family tree. She's also supposed to have some stories about her ancestors to share. That's what we're working on now. We've pulled all the older kids on board to find out what they can about these family members. It's kind of fun. #1's researching my maternal grandfather's line--the Stegner's, #2's doing my paternal grandfather's line--the Hamm's, #3 has my maternal grandmother's family--the Holz's, and #4 has my paternal grandmother's ancestry--the Dye's. When we're done a bit here, we'll work over to the Warden's family--the Hess, Tolman, Anderson, and Abrams families. I started with mine just because they're more familiar to me, and I'm the one running the show. Once we get to the Warden's side, it'll all be pretty new, but it will probably also be easier because the kids can talk to their grandparents about their families. That'll be fun.

So, first thing in the morning, I'm off to buy a few items for pictures, and the Warden's going to take #2 to the DMV. It's a furlough day, so it'll be nice to have the whole family together.

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For You, Sapphire

I promised a friend I'd write tonight, so here I am. I have a headache, so I'm heading to bed. It's funny my headaches are NOTHING compared to what they used to be, but I've become a wimp with them now. I'm so glad for the medicine that keeps them at bay. I found them through Walgreens for half the price I was paying for them at my pharmacy.

Life is busy with all kinds of interesting twists and turns right now. I have decided that I will control what I can and trust that the rest will be handled and all will go well. Things have always worked out in the past, and I'm sure they will continue to.

I created a schedule for myself. It's day three of it, and it's FABULOUS! I love it! I have direction all day long, and I'm so much more productive than I was. I think if anyone else saw this schedule, they'd think I was nuts, and you know what? I probably am, but it works for me.

#5 has some newly found challenges that we're trying to get to the bottom of. I'll write more in depth on these later when I don't have pain in my noggin. I spoke with his teacher this morning--interesting on the timing of this meeting. We've been trying to work out a time that would work for both of us since the week before spring break. It wasn't until yesterday that I had some concrete proof of what was really going on.

I came home and made an appointment with our pediatrician, so on Monday, we'll go see her and begin the process of finding some answers (hopefully).

Tonight, on a total fluke, while at the high school track meet, I ran into the elementary school psychologist. We even had about ten minutes to chat. She was so kind and willing to listen and help. She warned me that they were already scheduled into next year, but she told me to move quickly, and we'd be the first on the docket for next year. That's good enough for me, but after having this encounter just when I needed it, I have little doubt that things will work out as far as timing goes. Maybe I need the summer to figure more things out and experiment a bit before we have a discussion and make plans with the school. We'll see how all of this goes.

For now, it's reassuring that there really is something going on here that is out of our control. It helps me be more patient and supportive for my boy.

So, I'm off to bed. Hoping for a well-rested brain in the morning. The beautiful thing is that I've dreamt the past two nights. I was so happy to find myself dreaming two mornings ago. Before that, I don't remember the last time I had a dream. Means I'm sleeping deeper. The sleep apnea was preventing that from happening. So glad that I'm waking rested in the morning. Things are definitely looking up.

Cuts Cut Some Deeper than Others

image: greenposting.org

Oregon public education is in TERRIBLE shape right now. You ask me what affects my vote? This is a HUGE factor.

Our school district has done everything they could to save money for the past four years. Everything, that is, but cut teachers. There have been paper shortages, field trips cut, furlough days taken, etc. The hope was that things would be ironed out economically before the district got to the point where they'd have to cut teaching positions.

image: http://blog.sfgate.com

Well, do I even need to say it?...Things didn't iron out, so it became apparent, at some point this past school year, that the last resort would have to be taken. They would cut everything else possible and then start diving into the forbidden territory of laying teachers off.

This was a huge topic at our house during the past months. As things developed, the Warden and I would discuss the repercussions of different actions that the district could take. One that I felt saddest about went a little something like this.....

image: http://fedupwithlunch.com

Because they would cut the newest teachers and then transfer more tenured teachers to fill those spots, there would be teachers who had taught certain subjects for years, in some cases, their entire careers, who would find themselves teaching material they hadn't seen in years, if ever. The place where this would be more apparent would be in the music programs.

image: ehow.com

You could have, in some cases, a teacher, who had always taught elementary school music, that suddenly finds him/herself teaching high school band--complete with the marching band portion that that position entails. How in the world would that person pull that off? Not to mention that that individual is used to working with little people who, for the most part, tend to be a little easier to deal with, to teenagers, who are sometimes a bit less forgiving. 

In these cases, I'm certain, though, that that teacher is probably just happy to have a job, so he/she does the best he/she can with the situation given.

One of my children came home complaining one day about a situation very similar to what I illustrate here. I quickly took this child aside and explained the logistics of just how some of the jobs in the district had been decided. I told this child to be understanding and forgiving. It stinks for the kids that they find themselves in that situation, but I would bet it's even worse for the poor teachers. The sad thing is, rarely do we look at that side of the coin.

We are in very sorry shape, and though we and our children pay the price. There are so many others behind the scenes that just go about and do the best work they can in very uncomfortable circumstances. In my opinion, they, those who have become pawns in this lousy system, are paying a much higher price than any of the rest of us.

The College Experience--So Far

Just got back from taking #1 to college. Wow! What an experience. I wish I had something profound to say, but I really don't. I guess the one thing that hit me was the fact that the next time we'll see her, she'll truly be an adult in my mind--having lived on her own for a stretch of time.

We got special permission to drop her at her apartment a few days early. School starts here tomorrow, and move-in day there is the 6th, so we couldn't see leaving here the day after school starts to get her where she needed to be. She could have flown by herself, but believe it or not, that was way more complicated than us taking her ourselves. The other benefit was the fact that we wanted our kids to see where she would be and get it firmly planted in their minds that this is what they should have in their futures.

Her apartment's super cute. She'll be living with five other girls.

On Saturday, on Facebook, a girl from our ward here commented about how she'd seen our van driving  on Main Street in Rexburg. We didn't even know she was there, so this was GREAT! We went to church with her Sunday morning, and #1 had someone to hang out with for the day. Nice to know that we were leaving her there with someone so fun and familiar.

Rexburg looks like a serious ghost town right now. There was no one else around the apartment complex or anywhere else, for that matter, but as we walked onto campus for church, people started coming out of the woodwork all dressed up for church. It was so great to see.

So far, she's texted about cooking up chicken in a crockpot--I bought her a crockpot for Christmas two years ago for this very purpose. She's cooking up some of her food early so she can put it in the freezer for future use when classes, studying and practicing make her life crazy. She also texted to bemoan the fact that we forgot to buy oil for cooking up quesadillas, kettle corn, and most importantly, brownies in a mug.

One of her roommates things were there in the apartment. As we were putting #1's things in her shelf in the kitchen, we noticed all of the health food-type items in her roommate's shelf. We teased #1 a lot that she would soon not be eating many of the things she likes because of the influence of this roommate.

It will be interesting to see how this experience changes her. I'm so excited for all of the fun things she's going to get to do.

For tonight, she will join us for Family Home Evening via Skype. She's really not all that far away--yet.

Such Sweet Sorrow

Went to Ikea with #1 and #7 today. Our mission: to purchase the needed items for a college apartment. To be honest, we have no idea what we're doing. Shh... Don't tell anybody.

On the way home, I tried to brace #1 for the fact that I will be crying when we leave her at school. She's not an overly emotionally expressive kid, so I thought a warning might be appropriate. She asked, "Mom, are you already crying?" I nodded my head. I'm not one of those pretty criers who can talk through her tears.

She asked why.

Ugh! Did I really have to answer that question? Then I realized that I was glad she asked that, so I could face the inevitable before it even arrived.

I shared that I was glad she was going. I was happy that she was going to be in this wonderful new world with so many great opportunities. I also told her that I had no doubt that she would make great choices with her life, so it wasn't that.

Then, the truth came out....I feel like I'm cutting off a limb. I said for people who've moved around a lot in their lives and have come in contact with many different people, maybe it's easier to say good-bye to important people in their lives. I'm not one of those people. It's hard for me to let people go. I told her that I wonder if, after all of my children leave home, I'll have any of my heart left, or if maybe I'll be an empty shell of a woman.

We discussed the fact that with Skype, texting, cell phones, Facebook, and email, we'd be as close as ever, but then she said, "I know what you mean though. I won't get to share the funny stories of my life with you while we're riding in the Beast on our way home from eating meatballs at Ikea, huh?"

Yup. That about sums it up. Dang, I'm going to miss her!

Reflections on a Potty Chair

There are certain things you don't share on your Facebook page. Really. I think there has to be a line drawn where things are socially acceptable and not. I know a woman who posts such things as her husband grabbing her in intimate ways in front of her children, and I've cringed. I'm sorry, but those are things that are just reserved for you and you alone. You won't see those kinds of things on my page.

This morning, something happened in our home that was momentous, but it's not something I'm going to throw out to my Facebook friends. Not that it's inappropriate, it's just that I don't think the world needs to know. Here, though....Here, I can share anything and everything I want to, but I will say, you won't be reading about how, where, when, and in front of whom my husband grabs me. Sorry, folks. I'm sure you're sorely disappointed.

#7 starts preschool in September. I've been asked to teach writing twice a week and am very excited about that prospect! The program is run through the high school, and the teacher is FABULOUS! So, I will be working with high schoolers (an idea I TOTALLY LOVE!) and preschoolers, and who doesn't love that? Well, I'm sure there are many who don't, but I assure you, I'm not in their ranks. I mean, how could I be considering the life I live?

Anyway, one little point here that you may have overlooked is the fact that #7 HAS to be potty trained before school starts. Ha! Yah. No pressure, and surely no stress, right?

Okay, so now you know why I haven't been blogging much. Besides many projects I'm working on right now, my mind is in the toilet--literally.

It's not that it's been a tough journey, and by my saying that don't assume the journey's over. Oh no, it's just begun. It's just that, you know, who really wants to do this job?

image credit: potty-training-tips-by-caitlin

My other kids were all fall and winter births. They had to wait until they were almost four to start preschool. #7, though, is a June baby. Here we are, just barely three, and getting ready for school. Yikes! Mentally, I'm not ready to be focusing on this task I dread.

I feel like I've potty trained a different way with every child. I've pressured. I've bribed. I've begged. But, I finally feel like I have some sort of grasp on it. So much of it is just plain attitude, but isn't that the story of everything in life?

Here's how it went this morning....#7 came into our bedroom. The Warden and I were still laying in bed (I was up working on a slideshow with a good friend until 1:30). She said, "Mom, can I have something to eat?" The response she received was, "As soon as you go sit on the potty, we'll take you down and get you something to eat." She messed around for awhile (not literally) and then asked again. Well, by this point, I was thinking, as I'm sure you are too, that she'd already gone in her Pull-Up, so eh...yah, kid, go sit on the potty. Nothing too sensational--just like every other day this past little while.

She finally went in. She sat for a few moments and then she says, "Mom, I went in the potty." Just like it was something she said everyday, so I still didn't think too much of it. The Warden, whose side of the bed is closest to the bathroom got up to check. Sure enough!

Well, as you can guess, there was some MAJOR whooping and hollering going on in the master bedroom. "YAY!...Nice job!...I'm so proud of you!" You know, that kind of stuff.

She came out BEAMING!

I just have one thing to share on this whole matter....I think, when you want a child to learn something new, there has to be a level of discomfort for the child.

In this case, she's been wearing panties around the house for the past week or so. We've let her have the accidents. She hasn't liked it. We've let her clean up her messes. She hasn't liked that either.

To some degree or another, we've had to push her into making the change. It's had to dribble down her legs at times. She's had to do a lot of wiping and scrubbing.

So, my final conclusion, if we want our children to grow and develop into responsible human beings, we can't shield and protect them from all that is uncomfortable. We actually have to judge when they're ready and give them a little nudge, and sometimes a push, in the direction toward the next step they need to take.

To be honest, I'm sharing this, not for the masses, but for myself. I know there are going to be things that are FAR more uncomfortable than potty training in my future. There's going to be poop to clean up in other areas of life. Who knows what life will hold as children leave home, and I have to trust that they've figured many of life's basic lessons out while they were under my roof. I hope they've learned that it's often only through discomfort that there is growth and progress. Sometimes life just just hands you puddles and a whole lotta poop, but once it's all cleaned up, life is better than ever, and you're better than ever. I also hope that they've learned that that poop doesn't have to be self-created, and more often than not, shouldn't be. Let life hand you the poop; you don't have to find ways to make it for yourself. Self-sabotage is just plain dumb.

#7 has taught me something funny in her habits. Something that counteracts self-sabotage. One thing she does after going potty is she grabs her toothbrush and brushes her teeth. Not sure why, but I guess the lesson to be learned here is to be good to yourself. When you do something good, keep doing good. Be a blessing to your own life and to your own self.

I just got done writing and found that #7 was nowhere in sight. I went on a hunt, and would you care to know where I found her? In my bathroom sitting on the potty! YAY again! I sat and read her potty book to her (thank you, Megan!) and blew bubbles for her until the room was practically filled, but sadly, no success this time. Darn! On the contrary, she promptly went downstairs in the kitchen, and when I turned around, there she was with her pants half down standing in a puddle. Not sure what she was up to, but at least there's hope, right? We're definitely heading in the right direction. If nothing else, she knows the proper tools and methods for cleaning a floor and is becoming quite well-versed with the laundry room.

I hope I'm teaching them all to clean up properly. Little did they know that those spraying and wiping skills'd be a metaphor for so many of life's lessons in their (and my) futures.

Envelope System for Kids

Oh how I LOVE back to school shopping!


Last year, we tried a new system. We did a repeat this year, but we tweaked it just a little bit.


We cleaned bedrooms in the morning. As we did so, I asked the kids to pay attention to what they felt they needed for school clothes. We put each child's name on his/her own envelope and jotted down just what he/she needed on the same envelope.

We estimated what we felt shirts, jeans, etc. would cost, figured a total for each child and headed to the bank. Before we got to the bank, we totaled the number of 1s, 5s, 10s, and 20s we would need. We divided the correct money into the correct envelopes.

Each child carried his/her own envelope into the store and shopped for what he/she needed. There were items that couldn't be afforded. There were no temper tantrums; they just found other items.

Of course, they couldn't wait to wear what they'd purchased and offered to do a fashion show for me when we got home. I had already seen what they'd bought, so I made them wait until their dad got home. So fun to see them so excited.

Before you go shopping, one last hint. We went online before we left and found that Old Navy had a printable coupon. We were able to use that in the store and saved 25% off our entire purchase. Make sure you take a look around online before you go.

Because we saved more than $12 out of the budget allowed, I took the kids to get frosty's at Wendy's. It was nice to teach the kids that just because they had it didn't mean they had to spend it. After our frosty's, we were still in the black--a pretty sweet feeling!

Steps in Life

As I prepared to graduate from college with a Bachelor of General Studies (arts and letters) degree, I was frequently asked, "What is your degree in?" and "What are you going to do with it?"

I felt kind of silly not to be able to answer those questions clearly, and to be honest, I never intended to graduate to move toward a career. I know in this world we live in that's a very strange thing to hear a responsible adult say. So...maybe I'm not a responsible adult, or maybe it's just that my motive in graduating wasn't to end up in a job. My biggest goal was to continue doing what I've been doing--being a mom. I just felt that going to school was important at that point in time. That impression wouldn't leave me.

I went into this most recent part of my schooling with the idea that if something were to happen to my husband, what would I do? How would I support my family? The degree was for emergency purposes only. I wasn't sure what I would do, but I knew I'd be much better off if I could at least prove that I had the stick-to-it-iveness to get a college degree--even if it took me five times longer than the normal person (so, maybe I'm not normal--do we really have to ask that one?). I just knew that a degree would make me a little more employable.

I guess, along with all of these thoughts--holding off on getting a real degree--was the hope that somehow I'd end up falling into doing the thing I loved to do the most. I just hoped something would land in my lap and direct me into what I should be doing that would bring me fulfillment. I knew that chances were slim that this would ever happen, and that I should probably just be decisive for once.  I should just pick something and hope that it would be wonderful and right.  How do people do this? How did the Warden know that he wanted to go into education? How did he know this from such a young age? Why didn't I know what I wanted to do? Was there something wrong with me? Am I just lousy at committing? Was I just deficient? I mean, if I didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd never really grow up, right?

When I was in my early 20s, I met a man who taught Japanese at a local high school. He taught writing to his students. When he met me, and I was so newly returned from Japan, he invited me to come in and teach conversation to his students. He was fascinated at how quickly missionaries learn to speak a language and felt that I could help his students do the same.

After my first day in class, he approached me and said, "You should be a teacher. You're a natural."  I considered his words and thought, "Hmm....Maybe this is the thing I should do." I enjoyed it. It was fun. Relating to students was a BLAST! I pursued it for awhile, but finally concluded that it was too confining.  I guess I'm a bit of a free spirit. I want my freedom. I want to be able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Does that sound bad? I'm a bit too antsy to be stuck in a classroom everyday doing the same routine day in and day out.  Again, is something wrong with me?

This morning, the Warden and I met with a CPA. She consulted us on what direction I should be taking with this new opportunity in writing. It was all very exciting. I'm definitely learning some new things here, and there's no doubt I have much, much more to figure out.

As we talked, I kept looking over at the Warden. I would turn to him and say, "You'll remind me of this, won't you? You've got this figured out, right?" He would nod reassuringly and tell me that he would help me.

We had a good laugh over this as I confessed that with all of the tax stuff I'm like "a deer in the headlights." "Sure," the CPA responded. I was a little surprised by this that's-to-be-expected kind of answer. "You're a creative."

Now, I'd never heard of "creative" being used as a noun--always as an adjective. "A creative," now that sounds wonderful. Artists are "creatives," photographers are "creatives," but me? Wow! I like the sound of that. Before this, I wouldn't even have used the adjective "creative" to describe myself.

I continued to share the fact that I don't play Monopoly with the Warden, and he won't play Scrabble with me. I'm grateful for someone who complements me so well. My brain doesn't think in numbers; it thinks in words. It thinks in stories. That's how I learn, and that's how I share what goes on in my brain.

So, here I am....I've had handed me what I love to do. I love to create through words. I'm loving the work I've done so far. I love the freedom it gives me.

The most remarkable thing about all of this is the timing of it all.  I'm thinking back to jumping out of bed the other day and how the next step (grabbing the sock) didn't come until I had made the first step (getting out of bed). I'm thinking back to how the trip to Japan all fell into place (earning the money, creating the cookbook, getting the tickets and the passports and how I didn't know what would come next until I had finished the previous task)....I had to take each step to know, in my heart and mind, what the next step should be.

Maybe this is the same. Is it possible that, in order to know what should come next in my life, I had to take certain steps in order to get to this point--go back to school, start a blog, reconnect with people through Facebook, and finally graduate from college? Maybe that's how all of life is. Maybe.

Time to Celebrate!

March was a hideously bad month. I'm, to be honest, very happy to see it go. It went by rather quickly too, which I think was a very tender mercy. Good riddance, March!

So, now we're into April and so far, so good. This month, there are things to celebrate. My birthday is the 13th (yes, Friday, the 13th). The years my birthday has landed on a Friday have actually been my best birthdays, so I'm not complaining this year at all. Along with it being a Friday, the kids'll be out of school, so I'll get to drag them off to my favorite place in the world (I hope) if we end up not heading to Spokane, which at this point, doesn't look all that good.

The other thing to celebrate this month is graduation. I'm sorry, did I not say that with enough emphasis? Let's try again...GRADUATION! April 19th is the day! A Thursday. No, I'm not going to take the walk. Too boring for my kids to sit through to just clap for me for ten seconds, but I want to do something that night that will make it memorable.

So...plans are underway. I'm not sure what it'll be yet, but it WILL be something. Be watching for details.

Envelope System: Month 5

Right off the bat, I HAVE to thank those who have commented on past Envelope posts both here and on facebook.  Thank you for taking the time to share your tips on how to do this better.  This month was SO MUCH easier...thanks to you!

The most helpful tip was about splitting the grocery budget into weekly increments.  It was nice to have money each week and not feel like we'd run out waaayyy too early.  As I mentioned in yesterday's Gala prep post, I even found grocery money I hadn't spent.  Not sure how that happened, but I was glad it did.

I think the envelope system has lent itself to making our new cooking system that much easier as well.  The two go hand in hand.  Eventually, I'd like to be able to hand the kids the cash they will need to buy their groceries with for their cooking night.  As of now, I'm not that organized, but I'm thinking within the next couple months, that might just become a reality.

The Warden LOVES to do our taxes.  He always gets them done and submitted as early in the game as he can.  If we had to pay taxes, I wonder if that feeling would change.  I'm betting it would.  But, because he submitted it early, we have received our refunds, which is a very happy thing.

Sad thing, though, is that both of our cars are in need of brakes.  Ugh!  So, there goes a good chunk of the refund.

I've been nervous to spend the refund on the trip to Disneyland I've been dying to go on with a daughter heading off to college and the unknown expenses there....and now the brakes.  I'm thinking that if we're going to get to go on that trip, I'm going to have to find a way to earn some extra funds.  I've been pondering different options, but I haven't found anything that fills the need.  I'm open to any ideas you might have.

I will write another post about this week's menu plan and share some other ideas for saving money there.

So, I now have a bunch of envelopes that I store away and a few I keep with me for the things I spend on fairly regularly.  It's getting easier to see upcoming expenses and keep an envelope for whatever that expense might be.  I have budgeted for each member of the family's birthday and have evened those out so everyone gets the same amount each month.  I had to take money out of the fall sports budget to even them out and am now shy in that department, so that might just have to be pulled from  the pellet fund since we won't be needing that again until the late fall. That should work out just right.

Tonight during dinner, each of the kids took a turn explaining how they need jeans or socks or underwear, so the clothing budget is as good as spent already.

Oh, and yes, I have a trumpet fund.  I put a larger bill in the envelope every month and have a bunch of $1 bills that rotate each month.  The child has to earn $1 each weekday to pay off the debt.  I look forward to this envelope going away.

It's nice to have school over and not have tuition payments for myself any more.

Still loving this system.  I frequently wonder how we survived without it.  It's so reassuring to know that money's saved aside for the kids' sports and other things that are months away.

At this point in the game, I think I can safely share some pointers in starting an envelope system for yourself:

1. Go back through a couple months and figure out just what you're spending your money on.
2. Figure out what things you spend on during the month--groceries, gas, etc.; which things you spend on monthly--utilities and other bills; and which things you spend on much less often--quarterly, yearly, etc.
3. Even out your bills.  Pay the same amount each month so you don't end up richer on some months than others.  We pay these online.  Our life insurance can only be paid yearly, so that is set aside in its own savings account, but the others--even those that are to be paid quarterly--are now paid monthly in smaller amounts.
4. Set up envelopes for the things you spend on. 
5. Use a spreadsheet or even just a piece of paper to figure out just what cash you will need to spend--100s, 50s, 20s, 10s....You get the idea.  Have it all figured out and then go to the bank.  It's easiest to hand the teller a piece of paper with what you want.  Make sure you have totals, so it's all easy to verify.
6. Immediately after getting the cash, divide it among the envelopes.  It's really easiest if, on the spreadsheet or paper, you have the number of 10s or 20s you're to put in each category, so you can just divide them easily into the envelopes.
7. Divide the grocery budget into weekly amounts and keep separate envelopes for each week.  I do this with our date money as well.
8. Try VERY hard not to rob Peter to pay Paul.  When the money's gone in an envelope, it's gone.  Sometimes, when we're in the last week of a month, and the money for medical expenses, for example, remains in it's envelope, I'll dive into it and use it for something we need.
9. Make sure you share.  The Warden has his own container for cash too, and his cash is divided for groceries, gas, etc. too.  He rarely uses all of his money, so near the end of the month, he'll hand me back the cash, and we can use that in an area where it's needed.

That's what I have for starters.  Hope it helps.  If you already do this, I'd love to hear any pointers you have as well.  Again, thanks to those of you who have already shared.  It's helped so much!

Newton's First Law

Some of the laws of physics, I'm deciding, don't just relate to the physical world.  I have now experienced this (noticeably) three times in my life.  Let me explain....

Sir Isaac Newton's first law of motion is:  "Every body persists in its state of being at rest or of moving uniformly straight forward, except insofar as it is compelled to change its state by force impressed."  


This law first talks about things being at rest: "An object that is at rest will stay at rest unless an unbalanced force acts upon it," and I guess that's pretty important too, but it's the second part of that law that I'm referring to here.

I guess we could also call "force impressed" "hitting the wall" or "changing direction" or "derailing" or "getting onto another track" or even getting "back on track."

Finishing school has become a "force impressed."  I was going along just doing everything required to graduate and suddenly, it's over.  Done.  Finito!  What's a girl supposed to do with that?  Weird!

When my mom died, similar feeling.  At her home for five days.  Seeing to her needs.  Helping where I could, and suddenly she's gone.  Having never experienced anything like that before, I wasn't sure what to expect.  Why was the world still revolving?  The need to help continued with funeral preparations, burial, etc., but it was so different and much decreased in its intensity.  It's something like having the ground disappear beneath your feet. Just hoping and praying there's a net or something that's going to catch you.

It's surprising when you find yourself still standing. But, as you get onto another track, for awhile it feels like the new track is spent on a tricycle with a bent wheel.

When I returned from my mission, WOW!  That was the hardest.  Completely submerged in a different culture and language.  Walking up to complete strangers and striking up conversations in their language.  Living a lifestyle much removed from the rest of the world--no TV, no newspapers, no radio.  Completely out of the loop.  The year and a half ends, and suddenly, back into the real world with you.  Just weird, and the adjustment period was remarkable.

I didn't bargain for this with the school thing.  I am amazed at all the avenues that are opening up.  I didn't even realize that they'd closed; in come cases, I'd closed them out of convenience sake.  I hated having them closed, but I knew there were going to have to be sacrifices if I was going to meet the goal and continue in my straight forward path.  There would be no detours and no shortcuts.

The thing that's opening a little more each day, and that I'm enjoying the most, is being able to spend more quality time with my kids.  My blinders have been removed, and I can see the opportunities more clearly.  It's wonderful!

When I told #2 about the dinner idea, he scoffed, "But Mom, we've done this before.  Over and over again.  It never works.  The kids forget that it's their turn to make dinner, and then we find ourselves at dinner time with nothing to eat, so we scramble to make something quick.  It won't work."

It was WONDERFUL to be able to reassure him that I'm now available.  I can be in the kitchen with whoever's cooking and can instruct as needed.  I'm AVAILABLE!

What a great feeling!

So, although having a "force impressed" on your comfortable uniform "straight forward" is not a comfortable thing, that force helps you get to a new straight forward, and sometimes, that straight forward is even better than the one you used to be on.  YAY for forces impressed!

Since School Got Out

It's 4:00pm.  Do you know where your mother is?

Well...if you are my children, she's upstairs laying on her bed doing absolutely nothing.  What?!  Is this possible?  Nothing?!

Yes.  Nothing.

Since I have no school work to do, life has taken a very strange twist.  I've learned that I'm WAY too goal oriented.  I miss having deadlines and projects and little tasks to do everyday.

Funny.  That class that asked me to set all of these goals and write down how I'm going to accomplish them?  Yah, that one.... Well, I must not have meant to accomplish any of those goals because since school got out, I'm kind of directionless.  It's rather pathetic, to be honest.

So, I'm just laying here.  Sad thing...I'm starting to enjoy it.

The First Dilemma

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, but there's one HUGE black hole in my schedule.  The time that I used to spend studying when the kids are having quiet time is now going to be blissfully (but to be honest...frighteningly) empty.  What am I going to do with that time?

Crazy that I'm so freaked out by it, but I'm used to having that time have a purpose all it's own.  I don't want to squander that time.  What will I do that will fill that time with purpose?  The possibilities are really endless.....

Maybe it's time to start #1's book.