We Interrupt This Previously Scheduled Life....

Do you ever feel like you're failing at life? Well, yep. That's where I am right now. I'm failing.

It finally all came to a head this afternoon. I completely melted down as I faced the fact that there are very few, if any, areas of life in which I feel like I'm succeeding. You name it, I'm screwing it up.

image: mirror.co.uk

I called the Warden at work and vented and cried and vented and cried some more. Oh, and then I cried. Poor guy. He doesn't have a clue what to do with me when I'm an emotional wreck, but thankfully, this doesn't happen very often. Really, it doesn't. He offered to come home, but I begged him not to knowing that that would only make me feel worse.

image: angleofreflection.wordpress.com

So, what is my tendency? To have myself a good old-fashioned pity party. Only this meltdown was so extreme that I decided to run away. I had to. I needed to clear my head. I needed to get back into balance.

I didn't run away for permanent--just a night. I informed each family member, one at a time, what was going on. I received each person's approval. They were all very sweet about it. #3 was especially supportive. She is tackling the tilapia recipe in the crockpot tonight--"Oh yah, easy. I can do that." Man, I love that girl!

image:insiderpages.com

I went on Priceline and bid on a room. I got one super cheap just up the freeway.

As the afternoon went on, I started to understand what the straw was that broke the camel's back. I've been working on a 300-page document--editing and rewriting for the past number of months. The guy hired me at a project price. If you're a writer, NEVER do this. ALWAYS charge by the number of words or pages or hourly but NEVER by the project. You'll rip yourself off EVERY time. I was warned by a number of friends, but I ignored them. I wanted to take this project on. I felt it was important. This is the lesson I've learned. The Warden and I figured out that I'm lucky if I'm making a dollar an hour at this point.

image: tumblr.com

To be honest, the Warden asked me months ago why I didn't just quit the project. I don't know why. I guess I felt that I had started it, so I needed to finish it. This was a frequent conversation with my dad when I was a kid. I remember him directing me to this at one point. It has stuck with me. I want to be a finisher. If I've committed to it, I want to complete it.

Do I need to say that I've come to really resent this project? I have seriously spent HOURS on it, and in short, I hate it because I know I'm being undervalued.

So, I said that I'd have it turned in by January 31st. I haven't touched it since before Christmas. It's due tomorrow, and I have to get it done. The basic edit is done and has been for a couple months. I'm just working on beautifying it at this point. I don't want to turn in a shabby piece of work.

I opened the document this afternoon and instantly melted down. It demeans me. It makes me feel worthless. Isn't that sad? I really love to write. I love to write here, and I don't make a red cent here, so why should I be so hung up about writing something as important as that and how much I'm not making by doing it? I guess it's because it was agreed that I'd be paid to do it. I have been paid, but just not enough to justify the work I've done.

So, there you have it....I haven't run away to spoil myself or pamper myself or anything like that. I'm off on my own to free myself from a large burden. I feel ashamed of myself for being so hung up on the almighty dollar. I feel that this project has held me back from being the kind of mom I've wanted to be for nearly a year. I have traded many hours I could have spent with my children for absolutely nothing--just to be a finisher, but they're really the things I want to "finish." I want to polish them and remove the creases and dents by teaching them how to improve themselves, but my time has been spent elsewhere. I look forward to being free to spend time with the things I value most.

My other job allows for this, and I'm so thankful to have that. The gentleman I work for treats me very well and values my work. He even sent me a bonus at the end of the year. I was so excited! How wonderful to be valued.

Tonight, when I'm done writing (who knows what time that will be), I will spend time getting back into some degree of order--attempting to find what is most important and making a plan to strike a balance in life again. I'm looking forward to that. That will be my reward for finishing.

As of tonight (or very early tomorrow morning), I will be free again. I will be free to succeed again at the things I choose to do with my life. Lesson learned. Never will I make that sacrifice again.

Breakfast, Anyone?

Tonight's dinner was a HUGE success. So much so that #7 was sitting at the other end of the table literally dancing, hands in the air. I used chicken breasts instead of thighs just because that's what I usually have on hand, and I didn't brown them but just threw them in frozen.

 

image: recipe4living.com

I'm super excited for tomorrow morning's breakfast. My good friend came over this evening, and as we sat here and chatted, I called the four oldest kids into the room. I put them all to work. One shredded cheese, one cut up bread, one beat eggs and added milk, salt, and pepper to it, and one cooked up sausage. They layered the ingredients, poured the egg and milk mixture over it all and got it all set to cook. Now, all it will take is for me to turn it on when I go to bed. It will be ready to eat when we wake up.

image: drzward.com

There are a number of things I'm really liking about this crockpot thing. First is that it's setting a pattern for me. My biggest problem has been that I wait until dinner time to start thinking about dinner. There are so many other things on my mind that I'm kind of taking things one at a time. It's just too late and too stressful to start thinking about what to eat when it's time to eat it, so this is making me have to think about it well in advance, and seriously, there is just this smug feeling of satisfaction knowing that I got it all together early on and that dinner will be ready when it's supposed to be. I LOVE that feeling. I hope that when all is said and done I'll at least have reworked my brain to consider dinner a bit earlier in the day.

image: dog4deeds.com

The second thing I'm loving about using my crockpot is that it makes me feel so organized. When the food is done and ready to be eaten, I have the time to set the table and call everyone to it. We all eat together and life is good. Before now, in the mornings, we'd all be running every which way. I knew we were at a low point when, early last week, #7 showed up at preschool with her "breakfast" which consisted of a plastic bag full of tortilla chips. She had gotten them all by herself. Ugh!

image: metroparent.com

I've said it before, and I'll say it again....I love the fact that I can throw a bunch of ingredients (I really only use the most common ingredients--things I already have on hand), in and have them cook themselves up. I've tried to find recipes that don't require a bunch of preparation--browning, frying, chopping, etc. I just like to throw frozen meat in, open some cans or a bottle and drop it on top and set the thing cooking. Yes, I guess you could say I'm one lazy cook.

Time to get the crockpot fired up for tomorrow morning. I can't wait to wake to the smell of sausages, eggs, and cheese all cooked together. Bring it on!

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight

Results of Crockpot Zucchini Bread

image: crockpotladies.com

I got the zucchini bread all done. The recipe makes two loaves. There was no way I could fit both into the crockpot, so I opted to put one in the oven for an hour and one in the crockpot for two hours. The difference was amazing! The one in the crockpot came out so moist. They were both delicious, but I think in the future, it's worth the extra hour for soft, moist bread.


When I've made bread in the crockpot before, the directions said to prop the lid open slightly. You don't have to do this on the zucchini bread recipe.

Oh, and one more thing....I mixed up all of the ingredients but the zucchini last night, covered it, and put it in the fridge. The zucchini was still frozen when I went to bed last night, so first thing this morning, I threw the thawed zucchini in and got it ready to go. The only thing was that I had to stir it a bit longer to get the zucchini really mixed in well.

***

Okay, one more one more thing. I just received a phone call from a friend who is trying this recipe. She commented on how thick the batter is. This is true. You might want to add the zucchini in with the first ingredients--eggs, etc. just to make sure that part is super liquidy before you add the dry ingredients.

Today's Recipes and a Preview of Tomorrow

Since I already posted my menu for the week, do you even care how things turned out?

Well, first of all, I failed to get up to make the peach crisp for breakfast. I was wiped out last night and just crawled into bed telling myself (HaHa! Yah, right. I already knew I was lying) that I would wake up early and get it all put together. Nope. Didn't happen. Thank goodness I have granola on hand for times such as these.

So, I finally made the crisp for Family Home Evening refreshments. I used two cans of canned peaches and drained the juice out of one of the cans. I think it turned out just right.

Dinner was really yummy. I just don't know if I'm a fan of tortillas in the crockpot. They either turn out too crunchy and hard or two soft and gushy.

Tomorrow morning is zucchini bread. I'd better get things mixed up and into a pan, or I will be overwhelmed before I even start the day. I have frozen, grated zucchini in the freezer, so at least that part is handled.

I love that these recipes all have normal ingredients, and you can just throw them in and go. By the way, I also love how the Crockpot Ladies site lays out recipes. They're easy to read and follow.

Crockpot Menu for this Week

This is this week's crockpot menu. Like I said in my last post, don't be surprised at the breakfast choices. Saturday's dinner is still in question, but once I figure it out, I'll post it for you as well....

		Week 4/1-ish
Sunday	Breakfast	Mexican breakfast casserole
	Lunch
	Snack
	Dinner	Too Easy Pot Roast
Monday	Breakfast	peach crisp
Mexican	Lunch
	Snack
	Dinner	Enchilada casserole
Tuesday	Breakfast	zucchini bread
Meat	Lunch
	Snack
	Dinner	Honey Garlic Slow cooker chicken
Wednesday	Breakfast	Sausage and Egg casserole
Vegetarian	Lunch
	Snack
	Dinner	Foil packet tilapia
Thursday	Breakfast	cheese souffle
Meat	Lunch
	Snack
	Dinner	Green chile chicken breasts
Friday	Breakfast	Breakfast bread pudding
Italian	Lunch
	Snack
	Dinner	cheesy Italian tortellini
Saturday	Breakfast	pumpkin pie dip
Leftovers	Lunch
	Snack
	Dinner

ENJOY!!!

Did You Think To?

image: rushsina.blogspot.com

When the war against terrorism was declared, and we began by fighting against those who declared this  conflict as "jihad" or a "holy war," one of my first thoughts was the advantage our adversaries have. They are on their knees praying five times a day.

This morning, I ran across this....

image: gapages.com

"There is great power in loving, consistent, fervent family prayer. Don't deny your families this blessing. Don't allow the strength that comes from family prayer to slip away from you and your loved ones through neglect."

--John H. Groberg, "The Power of Family Prayer," Ensign, May 1982, 52

I am firmly of the mind that those who have the greater link with heaven and thus the creator of this world will have tapped into the power necessary to win any war.

image: craigmanderson.org

As I pondered John Groberg's quote, I got to thinking, it doesn't matter if you're a member of the LDS faith or any other faith for that matter. If every family, every father, every mother, every child would undertake to have a family prayer, at least once a day, it would mean amazing things for our society and toward our success in our current conflicts--at home and abroad.

image:jefferywestover.com

So, I have to ask, are you having a family prayer every day? If you don't know how to pray, here's a little help for you get started. It just takes moments, but it can change your life. Give it a shot. What do you have to lose? But more importantly, what do you have to gain?

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight

Back to the Ol' Crockpot

image: catholicmom.com

I've created a menu made up completely of breakfasts and dinners to be made in the crockpot. Since I have two crockpots, I figure I'll use one for breakfast and one for dinner. I didn't use any of my own recipes. I just went to various sites and linked them to a spreadsheet. So now all I have to do is go to the spreadsheet, click on the name of the recipe, and it takes me directly to the website. It opens the window for me and everything. Lovely!

image: fcp.shortcutter.com

If you don't know how to do this, find a recipe you like on a website, click on the address where it exists, and copy the address. Then, open an Excel page, type the name of the recipe into a cell, click on the cell again after it's been typed into, push control-K (I use a Mac, so I push open apple-K) and paste what you've copied into the top box of the window that opens. Click on "save," and you've got it.

So, here's what I've made for my family so far (I'll share the sites where they came from too, so you can go search things out that your family might like)....

• Cranberry chicken - This was just a matter of throwing some chicken breasts into the crockpot and covering it with a mixture of canned cranberries and a packet of dry onion soup mix. I put them on high for something like four hours. The original recipe had Catalina salad dressing mixed in too, but red dye rules the world, and I didn't have it on hand when I went to make it, so I simplified it down to the three ingredients, and that was it. We served it over brown rice.
• Mexican Breakfast Casserole - Half of us liked this. Half of us didn't, but it did lead to a great discussion on eating what's been placed in front of you. I'm sad to say that my completely un-picky children have become more and more picky as time has gone on. So, yes, served with this morning's breakfast--which we ate with all of us together--was a bit of a discussion on missions and how you NEVER turn down something that's been placed in front of you--even if it's cow's head, or worse yet, brain, or raw and very chewy fish or sea urchin. Oh, the stories the Warden and I could tell our children. Do I even need to share that, yes, our children ate their breakfast this morning? All it took was a little bit of a pep talk, but it was decided that eggs shouldn't be cooked in a crockpot. At least, that was the Madhouse verdict.
• Too Easy Pot Roast - Wowie, wow, WOW!!! This is sitting in the crockpot right now, and oh, the smell! Amazing! Can't wait to sink my teeth into it. I'm serving it with mashed potatoes and gravy and a salad.

You may think I'm crazy with some of the recipes I've chosen for breakfast, and I have to admit it was a bit of a stretch. The problem with breakfasts is that they either have to cook overnight, or you have to get up super early to turn them on, so these may not work for everyone. I guess you could also cook them beforehand, but that kind of seems like cheating to me.

image: crockpotladies.com

Tomorrow morning, we're doing peach crisp. It takes two hours to cook, so the good thing is that I'm an early riser, so I'll go down and turn it on as soon as I wake up, and it should be good to go as soon as everyone's ready to eat it.

image: ncegreenhouses.com

I thought the best possible solution would be to get one of those outlet thingys that has a timer on it--like you might use for Christmas lights or something like that. My only challenge is that when we've had one--we usually use one on our Christmas tree--I haven't been smart enough to get it to turn on and off when I've wanted. I'll have to see if I can find a super easy one, so I don't have to have a crazy schedule and have a crockpot running my life.

I'm hoping this new crockpot lifestyle will ease up other parts of life. There's just so much satisfaction knowing that dinner's taken care of because you made it during breakfast, and it's just sitting there preparing itself for dinner. LOVE it!

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight

What's Wrong with Vanilla?

 

image: mitchellshomemade

I like vanilla ice cream. I really do. I like it, but I don't love it. If you were to ask me what my favorite ice cream was, I'd tell you something like rocky road or pistachio almond. Yup. Those'd be them. But really, anything with nuts is right up my alley.

 

image: ifood.tv

This being said, vanilla is fine, but in my mind, being kind of a nut, vanilla was invented to be topped--hot fudge, caramel, whipped cream....You get it. Sitting there all white and pristine. It taunts you and almost dares you to do something to it. Eating vanilla alone is just so self-depriving. At least, that's how I feel about it.

 

image: onceuponawin.wordpress.com

Vanilla was also meant to be mixed into. Add chocolate to it, and you've got chocolate ice cream, add strawberries or peaches and vanilla becomes those flavors. I've even seen my in-laws make cinnamon ice cream with their ice cream freezer by using red hot candies when they've made ice cream during the summer. Yum!

Yesterday, feeling a bit snarky (imagine that), I wrote the following status update:


"My goals for the week...
Monday...cut boys' hair
Tuesday...breathe
Wednesday...breathe some more
Thursday...continue breathing
Friday...breathe just a little bit more. You're almost to the end of the week. Hang in there. You can do it.
Saturday...breathe better than any other day so far
Sunday...set new goals

"Some weeks, this is all you can hope for."

image: cherryblossomadventures.com

When I wrote it, I really was just being silly. I have a cold, and I'm wiped out. I really did feel that if how I feel continues as it is, I'm done for. The week will all have been for nothing, and I'll look back someday and regret it.

Sad.

image: in-spiros.com

Oh, I should also add that the only reason Monday had something more than breathing listed was because I'd already accomplished that. Do you ever create your checklist after you've done things, so you can just check them off instantaneously? Well...I guess I do sometimes. At least I did yesterday.

Here is today's update on that status:

 

image: mummamadeit.blogspot.com

"Okay, so yesterday I mentioned how most of my goals this week had something to do with breathing. Considering that as my criteria for today--just the ability to keep breathing--Man! I'm having a STELLAR day! I have not only continued to breathe, but I have done so much more than just that. Way to go ME!


The reason I'm thinking about ice cream sprouted from a comment to this status update from my friend Deanna.


Her words: "Way to go Julie! I, on the other hand, feel good to just be breathing today...."


It was funny. When I read her words, I felt a kinship with Deanna. I totally got what she was saying. Heaven knows I know that feeling.

I responded:


"I know some days are like that, huh, Deanna? Up until now, I haven't been allowing myself to just breathe and get through a day. I have been sorely disappointed in myself. Well, all of that has changed at this point. Breathing is just great. Everything else is gravy."


The thought of gravy led me to ice cream (I know. Don't question it. I must have been exposed to too much mercury or lead or Play-doh or something as a child. Just go with it). The fact of the matter is I really don't allow myself just vanilla anymore EVER. I was happy for Deanna that she was just breathing today. I was even applauding her when I read her comment, but what about me? Why isn't breathing good enough for me?

image: ocregister.com

When I was a kid, we would go to Farrell's Ice Cream Parlor. It was a great place for birthdays. They'd make a HUGE hoopla over you and make you feel like you were king of the world--sirens, drums...seriously, the whole nine. It was awesomely great in there, so great, in fact, that my dad would NEVER go with us.

image: yelp.com

One of the things that made Farrell's extra amazing was what was called the "zoo." The zoo seemed like every kind of ice cream you could imagine all scooped together and covered with chocolate and strawberry and well, you name it, it was there. It was seriously any ice cream nut's dream come true, and believe it or not, I fit well into that category. Scattered all over the zoo were little plastic zoo animals. What more could a kid want, huh?

Over the past number of years, vanilla hasn't been good enough for me. I have wanted the zoo--every day.

My problem is I start setting goals or creating a to-do list for the day, and even though I know that I should only set one or two, I just can't stop. I want to do and be everything NOW!

image: etsy.com

At what point did I stop allowing myself to just be happy enough with vanilla? Isn't vanilla okay on some days? When did the fact that at least I was breathing become something to be cursed? How did I get to the point where I always had to mix in or top just breathing?

image: blog.golbsalt.com

But, I think I'm realizing that some days should be allowed to just be vanilla days. Some days we just need to be kind to ourselves and allow ourselves to wallow in vanilla. Hold the nuts, hold the mix-ins. Just vanilla, if you please.

No, vanilla isn't climbing the Empire State Building. Vanilla isn't even getting the windows washed. You know what, vanilla might not even be doing the dishes, but vanilla is breathing, and breathing should be good enough on some days. Vanilla, and just breathing, should be applauded. They should be more than sufficient. They should be wonderful.

image: freerepublic.com

Well, yesterday I breathed, and I breathed really well. I allowed myself vanilla--no toppings; oh, except haircuts. The tough thing is that I have a family, so rarely is vanilla really okay. Usually, to be honest, I'm throwing bananas, hot fudge, sprinkles, and whipped cream (from those really cool cans) on the rest of my family's vanilla, and that's just in the first fifteen minutes of the day. Life is busy and complicated.

 

image: slavicabogdanov.com

I guess I'm finally coming to the conclusion that, darn it!, I'm glad I'm breathing, and I'm glad I'm so good at it. Life being as complicated as it is, vanilla needs to be good enough on some days. Any other topping makes life so happy, but I need to make sure that on those certain days, just breathing is more than just good enough. I need to stop, listen to myself breathe, and be grateful for that alone. Breathing and vanilla are wonderful!

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight

Small and Simple Things

Did you read my last post? More important than that, did you read the blog I linked to in my last post? Did you make it to the very end of that post? Did you see the last paragraph? It was THOSE words that helped me know that that was all written for me.

image: redstick.wordpress.com

Sometimes things just make you sit up and take notice. You don't know why at the time. They just kind of sit there percolating for awhile until you really start to get it. Things with a similar theme pop into your head as if they were pieces of a puzzle. As the puzzle starts to form, you realize that there really is a greater force running things in this world--a force that "gets" you. A force that not only knows your name, your shoe size, and your I.Q., but your capacity for learning and your own special way of understanding things.

image: gregdemcydias.com

That linked-to post was one of those puzzle pieces and those words: "small and simple" were that little smudge of red on the corner that matched perfectly with the last puzzle piece that also had a smudge of red on it. They fit together perfectly!

Just what picture this puzzle is supposed to become, I haven't fully figured out yet, but I know it's going to be something beautiful. Something worthy of gluing together, framing, and hanging on my wall, so I can look at it daily and live by its message.

For some reason, for the last couple weeks, the words, "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass" have been echoing in my head, and believe me, there's a lot of space for words to resonate these days--at least it feels that way.

image: percussionclinic.com

I'm not sure where I was or even what I was doing when those words first landed with a thud in my echo chamber of a mind. Seriously! It's like someone strikes a triangle or bangs a gong or even, you know the sound, "You'll know it is time to turn the page, when Tinkerbell rings her little chimes like this...." That's how it is when something significant begins to fill that cavern in my head.

Regardless of when or how, they are there and pieces are gathering, and the more I think about it at this point, the more I can see that the timing was perfect!

Late last week, I was allowed the honor of sitting in on the interviews of the nominees for Oregon's 2013 Mother of the Year and Young Mother of the Year. Boy, oh boy! What an experience!

I sat there thinking how much I enjoyed sitting where I was this year as compared with last year. I tried hard to nod and keep a smile on my face just knowing how nervous I knew these women must have been.

But as these women spoke!...Wow! There are some TRULY amazing women out there, and I know the ten that I came in contact with that day were just a drop in a very large bucket.

image: comfybummy.com

Sitting in on something like that, it becomes very easy to compare your life to theirs. It makes you feel minuscule and unimportant. It makes you think that all you do all day is wipe--counters, tables, floors, noses, bums--you name it, I'm wipin' it.

What I see, though, is that these amazingly fabulous things women do aren't the big things. They all start as little things. They start as having a need and finding a way to fill it with a bunch of small and simple things. It's something as small as wiping a nose that grows into something huge and important like love, devotion, and trust.

Everything we do matters--like pieces of a puzzle.

image: fantasycostume.net

When one of these women spoke of the service she'd rendered in her community, I couldn't help but envision that she had some kind of magic wand. I couldn't help but picture her saying the magic words, she in her flowy, billowing blue sparkling dress, tiara sitting perfectly on her amazingly coifed head, and flicking that wand in just the right way for her community to become a better place. She had done something most of us would find daunting if not impossible, but she had done it. The community continues to benefit from her efforts.

I'm sure my jaw dropped not just once or twice but with every single woman who spoke. The bruise has yet to show up, but give it time. It's gonna be a doozy.

One of the things this woman said was something along the lines of "I do these things so that my community is a great place for my children to grow up." Wow!

image: elizabethfoss.com

She saw a need, and she filled it. I'm sure it wasn't really with a magic wand--that would be far too easy and would quickly go unappreciated. I'm sure it was with much pondering and prayer--small and simple things. It was by her listening for answers to those prayers--puzzle pieces. And it was by her fitting those pieces together to form a beautiful picture....for her children.

That's what we all need. That is our recipe for success. Some people just get it. Some, like me, get it and then lose it and then get it again....only to lose it again later, but trust me, I'll get it again...eventually.

So, if you have plans to climb Mount Everest or build your own home or even have happy children who grow into happy adults, it all starts with small and simple things. It's just a bunch of pieces that all fall together into a beautiful picture....just for you.

image: academicdepartments.musc.edu

It all begins with daily small and simple things. Don't ever overlook their importance.`Those are the flicks of our magic wands.

WebRep

currentVote

noRating

noWeight